Love /
Polish mother, possible UK father - child law Poland. [35]
I am a bit confused by all of this.
First, you say your girlfriend, but she sounds I think like your ex.
She wants to have the baby for herself and not have you involved.
You have good reason to think you might not be the father.
She was desperate to have a child, obviously the biological clock was ticking, and she made it clear she didn't want to waste any time with you if you weren't going to have a child with her. Either the child is someone else's, or she got pregnant by some sort of trick, without your knowledge/consent.
Ok.
So why does she now pop up and want you on the birth cert, so the child has a certified father, but want you to sign away the joint rights of a parent, so she doesn't need to ask you whenever she wants to organise anything for the child? If she doesn't want you interfering, then why have you on the birth cert at all?
I think ...
You probably are the father, BUT, you must have the DNA test as soon as the child is born.
You might not be the father - she might have done any number of things to get pregnant - but she, whether you are or aren't, wants a father on the cert.
There are only two reasons she would want you on there, having previously (before the lawyer's visit) said she didn't want you.
1. She doesn't want 'father unknown' on there as that sounds kind of slutty on her part.
2. If a father is named, he can be forced to provide child support.
I suspect No. 2 is uppermost in her mind ...
Basically, she wants you to pay, but she doesn't want you to be involved, and she doesn't want to have to negotiate with you when she has to do anything for the child (in Poland you can't even send off for the kid's passport - both parents must be physically present, and the child, to fix it).
No question of this - I know my answers:
1. Tell her you can't do anything until the child is born and a DNA test is done.
2. Tell her that if you are the father, you will go on the birth cert and sign the form she wants.
3. Have the DNA test.
4. If you are the father, go on the birth cert but then say you have changed your mind and want contact with your child and will not sign the form she wants.
And then, be involved in some way in your child's life. She can't stop you having access to the child. You will probably have to go through the courts, but so be it.
Do not sign up to pay but give up all rights and give her all the power. No way. She will only do what suits her, and you are only, and have only ever been, a pawn here.
But the real truth is that you might - if you are very lucky - have a son or daughter on the way. You are right to realise that although you thought you didn't want a kid, maybe you will change your mind.
And let's face it: every child has a right to know their father, and to love and be loved by their father. Do you want to lose out on that? Not if you have learnt anything in all these decades you've been around ... : ) Come on. The joy of seeing your child grow up really is something special. If you've been given this, make the most of it.
She doesn't want you in it because she wants all that pleasure for herself. But your child would suffer, of course, if he or she thought their dad didn't want anything to do with them. That would be an awful burden to set your own family off with. This is your flesh and blood. This person is all of you, and all of her. OK, yes, her DNA is there as well - but just wait until you see yours coming out in the child, and you will feel different, I think.
But at the moment: hold fire: tell her DNA test first, everything else after.
She is a sly bugger, that's for damn sure. Don't trust her.
