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PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]
Ladies and Gentlemen,
It may have escaped your attention, but the 24th October marks the first anniversary of the initial publishing of the Omnibus Edition. It hardly seems possible that a whole twelve months has passed. There are a few more grey hairs, a few less brain cells and a bit more cellulite on bottoms and inner thighs everywhere. In order to mark this auspicious occasion, we are honoured to announce the inaugural publishing of …..
THE OMNIBUS EDITION BIRTHDAY HONOURS LISTOur thanks go to our sponsors for making the money available in these difficult times. Without their support and contributions none of this would have been possible. In no particular order we have to thank:
• The Rose and Crown for hosting the judging
• Winalot for the food
• Spearmint Rhino for the inspiration to carry on
• Lehman Brothers for the un-cancelled corporate credit card
• Arthur Guinness & Son for refreshments and moral support
• Noimmigration for the money from his sponsored hunger strike
• And finally our dear editor, Ed, for the loan of the pens and paper and his generous gift of pork scratchings.
Without them all we could not be here today.
Without further ado we can move on to the stunning array of awards on offer this evening.
Most Original ThreadWe admit this is going to be controversial. There are over 12,000 of the little beggars to choose from. On top of that a lot of them have been cleared away by Admin’s super efficient broom over the year. Nevertheless we have short listed 4,365 of them where the authors were seeking a Polish Princess or two. The carefully differentiated nature of the requests, the painstaking descriptions of the would be suitors and the effortless charm that leapt out at you clearly set these threads aside from the rest of the dross on here.
The Good Citizen AwardThis is awarded to the member who has done the most to aid their fellow citizens in the year. The nominations are:
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Admin, for the service, the smiles and for not banning me for a whole year
•
PolskaDoll, for doing most of Admin’s work, acting as the big tough bouncer in ejecting eejits and for not banning me
•
Polson – for single-handedly running not one but two football score prediction games, collating the results and teaching the less gifted of us how to count.
And the winner is
Polson - Je ne parle pas bien français, mais cet homme est une étoile absolue.
Insomniac of the YearMany of you have had difficulties sleeping at various times of the year.
Shopgirl went through a phase,
Osiol had a coffee and cheeses induced bout. However, the clear winner has to be the half Polish, half Greek and half cut
Filios1. Days he went sleepless for, to the extent that sleep deprivation drove him to go ever so slightly bonkers for a time. His mild mannered demeanour was replaced by a raging bull approach to all non Poles. Luckily he’s calmed down a bit since.
Looney TuneThis is lovingly awarded to the biggest nutter on PF in the last year. Until recently it was difficult to get the shortlist down to manageable proportions. Recently, however, two outstanding candidates have emerged:
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Loveislam, for pasting the whole of his Holy Book in less than 2 days and for preaching to all at the drop of a hat in the vain expectation of converting Wroclaw Boy to Islam
•
The mad German SS Paganist bloke who came, insulted and was banned in the twinkling of an eye. Can’t even remember his name if the truth be told.
Anyway, we have to award it to the
mad German. He was truly screwed up.
Best newcomerI was going to give this to
PolishgirlTX for her refreshing contributions, her assistance in all translations and her being an all round good egg as we Brits say. Then I found out she didn’t like Shawn of the Dead which made me waver. And then along came
joepilsudski with the refreshing personal advice column that has changed many of our lives forever. Crazy name, crazy hat, crazy guy.
Musician of the YearThere have been many musicians dropping by over the year. The bassist
jnowiski has reappeared. We had the lovable Dutch rock man
MareGare with us until he was savaged once too often and disappeared. But for sheer persistence, and for the fact that he has actually posted his work on several occasions, this prestigious award is given to
Osiol.Dog of the YearWe have several people masquerading as dogs on here. Our leader,
Gzregorz, has been a Tatra Mountain Dog for ever.
Patrcyja19 followed suit. The award this year must go to another dog. One with floppy ears. Step forward
Mufasa, champion of smilies.
The Heartbreak Hotel AwardSeveral of you have loved and lost during the year. Many more of you have probably lost a fortune but that is another story. Three people in particular have held our rapt attention on here as the enormity of their losses was gradually retrieved. Firstly we have the sad case of the idiot
fireif. Single handedly he produced half of the content on here for months with his ever more desperate attempts to woo the lovely Annia. Then
Irishdeano poured out his heart to us. But there is only one multiple offender. Poor
Wildrover has loved and lost and loved and lost and loved again. He disappears for weeks on end and then pops back to tell us what’s happened this time. Poland, Ukraine. You name it he’s been there. Stick at it buddy.
The Eczma award.This is given to the most persistent irritant on the Forum. Sometimes it abates but then flares up again leaving us with a nasty urge to kill the offender. We considered the Spammer in chief,
Vera. A true nuisance but really it’s a no contest.
Noimmigration has managed to confuse a legitimate debate on immigration with puerile attacks on the Polish people thereby invalidating any arguments he may have made in his (admittedly infrequent) lucid moments.
The Spice GirlsPosh Spice –
Studentka (aka Lady Catalina)
Scary Spice –
ShelleyS (Well I wouldn’t want to rub her up the wrong way)
Sporty Spice –
Miranda (all that cycling you see)
Ginger Spice –
Wroclaw Boy (Espana paid me for this one)
Strongman of the YearIt’s a no brainer. Has to be
Vincent the only person to admit to being a Spurs fan. You have to be strong to hold up a whole Premiership.
The Emmenthal EmmyGiven to the PF member who has done the most to [promote the lifestyle benefits of cheese in the year. And the winner is
PolishgirlTX.Word of the YearKmiot for the Polish word (thank you G)
Gnarley (thank you ummm_hottie)
Criminal of the YearAnd the nominations are:
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Szarlotka for plagiarism
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The entire country of Russia (according to Cellinski)
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Wroclaw Boy for speeding
And I award this to myself (
Ed – I told you not to go public with this)The Chamber of Commerce AwardThis is for the PF member who has exhibited the key characteristic that has been shown to be present in all successful people – the ability to focus. None can doubt the amazing focus shown by
Southern. His dedication to the glories of Polish women has known no bounds. But even this has been eclipsed by the efforts of one of us. Sadly this has to be a posthumous award. Our dear Slavic friend
Crow has moved on to forums new. We shall never forget his pan Slavic passion and the ability to bring it up in any conversation. Relinque in pace dear Crow.
The Rumble in the Jungle AwardThis year has seen some titanic struggles in the PF world. Who can forget some of the big fights:
•
Espana vs everybody else on Formula 1
• MareGare vs Wroclaw Boy
• ShelleyS vs Krysia
• Easy_Terran vs Bubbawoo
• Miranda vs JustysiaSThe jury were unable to come to anything other than a split decision so you can all have an award.
The Hall of InfamyEach year we intend to induct members into the Hall of Infamy. Think of it as a substitute for the gold watch that your company can no longer afford when they have to retire you 20 years early. This year the dubious honour is bestowed upon:
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Seanus, loads of post, loads of common sense
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Gzregorz - for the complete transormation from rebel to benign leader•
Bubbawoo, for longevity and the best put down lines ever
•
Sledz – for being Sledzlike
•
Hueg – wordsmith extraordinaire
•
Sausage – the name just tickles me
•
Ukpolska – for technology services in getting i-player to work from Poland
•
Ranj – for the quotes and humour (humor to you)
•
Daisy – for a better class of nagging than I get at home
And that brings this year’s ceremony to a close. We would have liked to give all award winners their special prize. It’s just that we put the prize fund in an Icelandic bank to get better interest you see. Never mind, it’s the thought that counts.
For all of the 6,000 plus of you who did not win an award I would just like to say “try harder next year you bunch of wasters”. Become more distinctive. Try posting in the nude or something.
But joking aside, thanks to the vast majority of you for making this such a good place to be. It’s never dull, sometimes as depressing as Coventry city centre on a rainy night, sometimes as uplifting as a WonderBra and sometimes gut wrenchingly funny. Take a bow people.
