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I work in a bank and employed a Polish girl - help required please


Jersey UK Guy  
31 Mar 2007 /  #1
Hi guys

I have just found this site and this is my first post on here and I need a bit of advice.

I work in a bank and 6 months ago employed a Polish girl to work fro me.

To cut a short story short we have always got on really well. We have loads in common, can always talk to each other, always seem to sit together when we go out on works dos, have a laugh together and she is always really nice to me. In fact everything she is is everything I would love in a girl. She has been bought up well, has manners, is caring, friendly, polite, respectful, we like so many things the same ans she is generally lovely.

I have a girlfriend but we have not been getting on well together for some time. We have been together 5 years. She has been with her boyfriend 4 years and also hasnt been getting on well. She has just moved out with living with him but is still seeing him saying she is still trying to make the relationship work. She has also said although she has lots of friends here in Jersey she feels alone as she has no family here. Is this why she is trying to make a go with her boyfriend. She says she wants to settle down, get married and have a family but not with her boyfriens. I feel the same about my girlfriend. Im 36 this Polish girl is 29.

Its is difficult being her boss but anyway 2 weeks ago I told her that I really liked her and would like to be more than friends. She said no but we ended up having a really big heart to heart at the same time and she was even more nice and lovely towards me.

Since then we still get on very well and there are no awkward feelings between us. W
daffy 22 | 1153  
31 Mar 2007 /  #2
...talk to your gf....dont do anything with the other girl until your over with the GF..

it may be salvagable

moze nie

but ask yourself, are you sure the girl in work is interested?
FISZ 24 | 2116  
31 Mar 2007 /  #3
I'd maybe continue your friendship with this PL girl, but you'll have to first work on your gf situation. Then maybe you can ask her out. But, deal with the stale relationshit. No sense on being together just because you're used to eachother.

dont do anything with the other girl until your over with the GF

got that right... like your style man.
hello 22 | 890  
31 Mar 2007 /  #4
So you ask if you should dump your old girlfriend and go on with a relationship with your Polish employee?
daffy 22 | 1153  
31 Mar 2007 /  #5
it does seem like that is the question
FireWire - | 23  
31 Mar 2007 /  #6
the advice given is sound

if you go n start having a cheating relationship with ur employee u'll end up in all sorts of strife.

either fix it or end it with the current gf before you let ur thoughts about the polish girl turn into anything more than thoughts
Eurola 4 | 1899  
31 Mar 2007 /  #7
I can think of some reasons not to:

1. You have a long time gf already.
2. It is never a good idea to date at work.
3. Since you say you employed her, are you her boss too? It would create a very uncomortable working environment.
4. In a few months when you decide to switch gf again, she would be out of a job....
OP Jersey UK Guy  
31 Mar 2007 /  #8
We still get on really well together and maybe are closer together now than we have ever been.

Did she say no beacase we are both in relationships ?

Is she so nice to me becase I am her boss ?

Yes I am her boss but if we split I would never hold it against her and she would not be out of a job.

If I did start anything with her I would finish with my girlfriend immeadiatly
daffy 22 | 1153  
31 Mar 2007 /  #9
Is she so nice to me becase I am her boss ?

prob not. but its prob how it started.

even if you didnt have a GF and she had no BF....you're her boss.

its a corporate no no. either one of ye leaves, transfers or somethings as you cannot be her boss
OP Jersey UK Guy  
31 Mar 2007 /  #10
Im not sure the boss thing is a problem All the other staff at work think there is already something going on between us because we get on so well and do everything together. Even my boss asked me what was going on between us. The funny thing is nothing is !!
daffy 22 | 1153  
31 Mar 2007 /  #11
The funny thing is nothing is !!

your right, its hi-lar-ious :(

just don't be a cheater ok. if your in a rut, sort it out or get out of it!

you'd be hurt if you were cheated on.

and it seems clear what you want to do and your just looking for others to say it.
OP Jersey UK Guy  
31 Mar 2007 /  #12
Im not trying to ask other what to do Im trying to work out how she feels. No offence to anyone but I find a lot of Polish people can be very manipulative to get what they want. They care so much about what people think about them. Does she genuinly like me or is she being nice cos im her boss ?

I have never cheated on a gf before and wouldnt. Its one or the other.
daffy 22 | 1153  
31 Mar 2007 /  #13
Im trying to work out how she feels.

we couldnt even guess that! we don't know her! and every person is different and is not applicable to cover individuals with stereotype

you said you 'know' her after six months so you have all the info you need.

I have never cheated on a gf before and wouldnt. Its one or the other.

dobrze :)
bolo 2 | 304  
31 Mar 2007 /  #14
It seems both you and the Polish girl strive for a change (after being with the same partner for a few years) and that's the main reason you attract each other. Because you both are in a similar situation, you think you understand her well and she thinks the same; that's why it feels you could be a good couple. But it seems you risk more than her - having invested 5 years in your previous relationship and being 36 years old. Are you ready to invest another few years with a new girlfriend and marry her when you're 40?
Huegel_gast  
31 Mar 2007 /  #15
Musings in a garden. Act I, scene i.

Oh Fence,

The grass over there looks lovely, so green and lush, do you think I should go and sit on that instead?

But you've got a perfectly good lawn here, haven't you?

Yes true, but doesn't it seem a bit brown and a bit patchy to you?

Nothing a bit of Miracle-Gro wouldn't cure mate. Listen if you're unhappy, why don't you just move next door?

But that would involve lots of searches and solicitor's fees. Why can't you just tell me what to do instead?

:)
OP Jersey UK Guy  
31 Mar 2007 /  #16
Sounds like I should follow my head and not my heart.
daffy 22 | 1153  
31 Mar 2007 /  #17
thats what i would advocate. it may not feel right. but it is.

its easier sitting here impartially to see it, as the heart clouds all our judgement from time to time
bolo 2 | 304  
31 Mar 2007 /  #18
Sounds like I should follow my head and not my heart.

I guess so.. It's good to follow your heart when you're a teenager; after that it may be better to use your head too... :). On the other hand, I would give it some time and see how it goes; I don't think being with an old relationship that doesn't have a chance to work out would be a wise idea either. Compromise.
daffy 22 | 1153  
31 Mar 2007 /  #19
I don't think being with an old relationship that doesn't have a chance to work out would be a wise idea either. Compromise.

wiser than me!
Eurola 4 | 1899  
31 Mar 2007 /  #20
Hueg, that's a lovely story.
JerseyUK, take care of your own lawn first. At least, you are familiar with the weed on it already.
opts 10 | 260  
31 Mar 2007 /  #21
Jersey UK Guy,

You are professionally disabled/deficient. :)
audrey - | 22  
1 Apr 2007 /  #22
you've told her how you feel. just let life follow its course. she's said no but she'l get back to you if she changes her mind. its a really difficult situation. people are gonna get hurt and thts never a good thing.
leni - | 4  
11 May 2008 /  #23
I am in the similar situation. I don't know what to do. I am fighting with my fillings every day. He is my boss and he just told me that he wants to be with me... I am so confused. I love my job and this is so complicated. Help...

feelings - sorry my English is not perfect yet
Jukrek - | 58  
11 May 2008 /  #24
feelings - sorry my English is not perfect yet

no it is problem of some flustarted members of this forum. You shouldn't be sorry.

Change job. ;)
leni - | 4  
11 May 2008 /  #25
I don't know why I always have to put myself in the difficult situation. My stupid heart doesn't work properly and I lost my head.

Different culture, religion, rase ....BOSS, plus million other reasons why I shouldn't even consider this relationship ...and I still have dreams about him. It is 7th month now...

Help required!
angel 14 | 86  
11 May 2008 /  #26
id talk to your girlfriend of 5 years see how she feels if the relationship has gone stale she may feel the same and if you both want to work at it then work at it -if it was definitetly over for you with your current girlfriend you would know and you would not be in a dilema. you are temtped by this polish girl and she is by you-seems to me neither of you will break with your current partners-follow your heart and your head
leni - | 4  
12 May 2008 /  #27
'Thanks Jukrek...but I love my job too and this is a problem. I don't want a different job. He says that he is ready to tell everybody and they wont be nasty to me. They will accept it, but I am still worry. They would probably think that I am a slat as I am going out with the boss. If something would go wrong I will loose the job or I would need to quit.
sapphire 22 | 1241  
12 May 2008 /  #28
never date the boss.. its as simple as that. If you do, you will have to face the very real possibility of being disliked by your colleagues and out of work or in a very difficult situation if and when the relationship fails. Also, you should check your company's policies on this as you could both potentially end up getting sacked. Not worth the effort. If you really like each other, then I would look for another job, before you start dating.
leni - | 4  
13 May 2008 /  #29
Sapphire - this is a good advice, but we already had 3 dates and I think it is too late. I already did the move which wasn't probably very smart of me. I feel like I don't have a right way to go. Doesn't matter what I decide to do I will be in trouble. However he is one of the owners of the company and he says that the others wouldn't mind if we would be together (but who knows...), and he wants to tell them, also he wants to introduce me to his family. The company is very small so I have no idea what people would say. I just can't belive it that when I finally found the perfect job, I also fall in love with the boss and he with me...
sapphire 22 | 1241  
13 May 2008 /  #30
well maybe you should get it in writing from him that if you are to have a relationship and it doesnt work out that he wont sack you.. however, it will undoubtedly become too difficult for you to stay if he owns the company. Although it it does work out you could become his partner in both business and pleasure, so could be great. I would try to think about the longer term of what you want in terms of both your career and your love life.. say in a few years time, and not just the here and now.

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