STRANGE BEHAVIOUR FROM MY POLISH FRIEND

Well, I had fancied this guy for ages and Im sure he felt the same but never said anything only that I was his friend. He went back to Poland and I relectantly agreed to have a date with another guy that had asked me out. I had a txt from my friend in Poland and I replied back telling him various bits and bobs and that I had had a lovely traditional Polish meal and attached a picture of my lovely new hairdo (which loads of people have commented on and say it really suites me). He replied back and never mentioned my meal and said he preferred my hair how it was and didn't like it!!! He has blatantly ignored any mention of Pawel and has started giving me the cold shoulder on the txt!! I don't want to lose his friendship but does this sound like a case of jealousy???

sounds it to me ...

is this the same guy that you mentioned before that only wanted to be mates with you, but you said you werent bothered as you were attached anyway? just wondering as I cant understand why you were going on a date if thats the case.. or is that the guy are you attached to??? Anyway, it is pretty obvious that he is jealous.. might be a case of he doesnt want you, but doesnt want anyone else to either.

Yeh it's the same guy and Pawel is the new guy that i'm now attached to!!!!! But why my friend is acting like this is very upsetting - he made it clear that we were only friends (only I know it was more), but since I've been with Pawel he's been very odd. We did everything together and he really was so caring so I can't understand why he's acting like this. When he was here, if I talked to another man he would be there giving whoever I talked to very 'evil' looks!!!!!

he behaves like a gardner's dog who guards the garden, is not interested in eating veggies, but won't anybody else to eat them either (pies ogrodnika).

He is not a good friend Orlando. Good friends are not jeleous and want you to be happy, which you fully deserve with the new guy and this is who you should concentrate on. Best of luck!!!!

That's hitting it on the head, miranda! I totally agree.

thanks Rakky, good to see you.

It is a difficult situation because I really did value his friendship - even if he didn't like me in that way. I've turned my 'phone off today just to stop myself seeing if he's sent me a txt. Pawel is such a nice guy and you're right, I'll concentrate on him from now on. Why are men like this?? He really did give me the impression that it was more than friends!!! It's very hard to turn off your feelings though :.(

it is difficult to move on but it is possible. Stay positive and keep in touch with people who have your best interest in their harts.

He wants me to spend two weeks with him in Poznan in March - I suppose I'll have to cancel this now. Thanks for all the advice guys!!!

It's difficult for straight guys to have female "friends" and not be (if even only in our deep-down hearts) emotionally connected to and even physically desirous of them. It's just the way we're wired. Why were you so sure that he fancied you the same way you fancied him? What were the specific signals? Have you ever seen evidence that he fancied someone besides you? If so, what were the tell-tale signs of this? How did they compare to how he behaves toward you?


How exactly does one do this? I'm not a texting person, so perhaps it's common knowledge among those of you who are, but it sounds difficult to me.


I've known guys to do this - it's kind of like building a harem, or a stable, so that at any time they can move on one of them. Doing so, however, disrupts the mechanics that have been so painstakingly set up and followed so, even though he may fancy one in particular, he doesn't move on her for fear of scaring off the others.


HOW do you know? Be specific.


All of this could be attributed to the "harem" model I already presented. There were obviously some strong feelings for, or at least attachment to you, but now that you've moved on and he is no longer local he's dismissing you from his "group." That's one possibility, and I'm not convinced it's the true one.

Is he by any chance gay? If you say "no," is it possible that he is but has not yet accepted this about himself? Or that he simply has not yet come out?

Now - about you. Are you a "1-guy-and-1-guy-only" kind of gal? If so - drop him like a rock and stick with Pawel. If not, enjoy your time with Pawel, and others, and, when possible, this guy as well. Don't cancel the trip. Make sure all the guys know that you're not exclusive to them, so there are no secrets.

Most of all, take miranda's advice to "Stay positive and keep in touch with people who have your best interest in their hearts" uppermost in your mind.

It's Orlandobelle here - Ancilla is my work login!! Hi Rakky - what an excellent reply!!!! I know he fancies me because when we would eat together he would stare deep into my eyes and I would have to break the stare!! One one occasion, he even had a hard-on!!! (sorry everyone if I've offended!!). His txts used to ask me about how my day had gone etc, but now he doesn't even ask how I am - just what he's up to!!!! I would always catch him looking at me when I turned round - everyone at work noticed how he acted when I was around too!!!!. I really don't think he's gay but you never know. There was also that business about buying me a ring - what that was for I'll never know, but he even asked out mutual friend to get my ring size. I think I've been quite specific here - but I personally think he's jealous of Pawel. My friend is also very, very, very shy and when he first came to the UK he was very timid, but when he left, he was a different person and I'd like to think I boosted his confidence greatly!!!!!

duuuuuuuuuh, what did you expect... you go out with another guy and he's supposed to love it? hmmmm

Dear PLK123 - I gave him every chance but he did nothing about it - he said we were just friends - so why wait around any longer????? I would still like us to be friends though. If he has no feelings for me then why be jealous eh?????

yup, he dropped the ball.. move on.. have fun.

most poles aren't all that expressive but the things you talk about seem to point to him being interested in you in some way.. rakky could be right on with his "harem" description.

You are right plk123 - my female Polish friends are direct and straight to the point!!!! But Krzysztof would ask some very strange questions. It was as though he was thinking about a question to ask me and then he would ask me a personal question out of the blue and then go back to what we were doing!!!! I still think we are more than friends (or I did as he's gone back to Poland) - but it is time to move on. I'll go to Poland in March as I have never been and it looks such a beautiful country. :.)