Doubtfullove She generally says she doesn't realise that she is doing it.sometimes i believe her,sometimes not.She always says she doesn't know why she is like she is,and sometimes she does things to hurt me on purpose,which kinda hurts.and that she seems to push everyone she loves away from her,and she has said to me a few times,that she doesn't feel she knows how to love someone..Now i was chatting to my counsellor about this in the 2 sessions i have had (she deals with issues that affect you on that day) and she said she thinks my ex could suffer from "borderline personality disorder",she told me to look at a link on her webpage,and read up on it,now i have read alot over the last day or so,and i think she could be right,now if this is what she is suffering from,then i have no chance,nothing i do or say now is going to make a bit of difference to her.if this is the case,then i have to accept,and move on.
polishgirltx who is a spoiled brat?? Doubtfullove? because she doesn't want to read the whole thread,if so,bit unfair i would say.
yes, a person with borderline personality disorder will be difficult to deal with. Maybe you could try and be friends with her for a while rather than boyfriend/girlfriend and see how that goes for a while. But not always easy.
I does sound like you spend a lot of energy trying to work her out and thinking about her all the time. Maybe its time for you to find out who you are again, and what you really want from life. A bit of space can sometimes help.
Thanks for the comment Polishgirltxt!! Its not that I don't want to read all the thread. Its really interesting, but I am at work and will get my wrists slapped if I spend too much time chatting!!!
Now i was chatting to my counsellor about this in the 2 sessions i have had (she deals with issues that affect you on that day) and she said she thinks my ex could suffer from "borderline personality disorder",
in all honesty, diagnosing someone with BPD is fairly extreme and by all accounts one that even many professionals are reluctant to do. i doubt your counsellor is qualified to make this diagnosis. it is also a diagnosis that tends to be made when people aren't really sure what the problem is
like many suposed personality disorders, the traits found in those with BPD can be found in most perfectly healthy people. BPD is also classified in different severities and at one end of the spectrum they are able to lead fairly normal lives. at the other end of the spectrum it's not much fun for anybody involved. and thats putting it mildly
i would be very wary of the diagnosis however and wouldnt suggest mentioning it to the woman youre involved with - whilst the diagnosis can provide much sought after answrs for some, it can be like a death sentence for others. literally
When i first met her which was end of march last year,she always seemed to be happy.I was with her for about 4 weeks,and she told me alot about herself,that she was divorced,and that she had a daughter in poland who was coming over to live in august.We went on holiday to turkey at the end of april fr a week,and had a good time.But i noticed that she liked the male attention she got,maybe i was reading more into this than was actually there.The day before we left to come home she asked if i wanted to move in with her,now i had only known her for about 5 weeks,and in them 5 weeks i spent alot of nights staying round hers,and we got on great so i thought why not.Again we got on well,but i noticed that she seemed to get very jealous and possesive over me,and always said she was not normally like this in relationships,and not even with her ex husband who she was married to for 7 years,and was with 7 more before that.I noticed she was trying to get into my email,and she checked my mobile phone alot,caught her a few times in the middle of the night when she thought i was asleep,i had to delete all womens numbers,she didn't like me chatting to my mates,or seeing them,and didn't like me talking to my family.since then she been getting worse and worse,one minute she can be nice as pie,the next moody as hell,really shouty,and in a small while back to normal.
Saturday night she sends me texts saying she has no time for me anymore.last night i went over to pick my passport up cus she had it,and she was all kissing me cuddling me,telling me she really wanted to be with me but can't cus i am to horrible sometimes,and that she did still love me and miss me.
It sounds like she is controlling due to insecurities and I am not sure if that is a personality disorder or not. If she has one then it would be very difficult to deal with it and you need to ask yourself if you are strong enough to deal with it. Most people cannot.
Its not really my decision,i think she wants to move on,guess i am just a stupid idiot who is struggling to let go,but i do feel happier when i am with her.
Thats a very short answer compared to your usual responses especialy given the questions I put forward...you sound down...
Nobody on here and I mean nobody (even me) has the right advice that you should take you just need to read what we are saying and then use it to come to a conclusion on your own, nobody knows her and nobody knows youand it's easy to give advice but not so easy to recieve it.
Good luck pal! I promise you this in 5 years you will look back at this and think... What the hell was I doing to myself!
that is so true! Those who respect themselves will be respected ____________________________________________________
Most of the polish girls like it if a man behaves like a real man not like a '*****' . trying to please her and being apologetic all the time is neither manly nor sexy. if u continue to behave like that u`ll probably not get much respect. The famous sayng goes: "A strong woman needs a strong man" There is loads of sucessful and ambitious women, and what they all have in common is that under the hard shell they present to the world, there is a weak, nice girl, who needs sum support of a real man. Unfortunately too many guys get scared of that first appearance and either give up or become dogs, who do whatever a strong woman says.
your girlfriend sounds like one of those ambitious women Give her support (but be confident, behave like a partner, not like a beaten dog) get interested in whatever she is doing (courses-u mentioned) and try to put yourself in her shoes- if you understand why she is stressed, u may want to help her to relax (a nice massage, a nice stroll in the park etc.) but be confident in everything u do.
"I promise you this in 5 years you will look back at this and think... What the hell was I doing to myself!"
The fact is, you are INCOMPATIBLE. If you were compatible, you would not be here asking what to do. She is trying to control you and your life will be a misery if you don't let go of her.
When you said to give her support,i always have,i support her in all her courses,i used to drive her there,and pick her up cus parking was bad,when she was doing her accounting course i would help her with the english phrasing,i have tried to help in any way i can,when she is stressed i always ask whats wrong,and we go for walks quite alot.I think maybe i am just no good at this relationship stuff.
one minute she can be nice as pie,the next moody as hell,really shouty,and in a small while back to normal.
It sounds to me like she has erratic mood swings. What would cause her to suddenly change like that? Is she like that with everyone and at her workplace or just with you?
Mate you just need to sort it out because posting on here and having 15+ people all chime in with an opinion really wont help you, it will just confuse you more...
I suggest you just have it out with her and then you will both know where you stand then you can both move on in the right direction.
Seriously I dont think your going to get the advice your looking for on here.
It sounds to me like she has erratic mood swings. What would cause her to suddenly change like that? Is she like that with everyone and at her workplace or just with you?
Being an ex-prostitute, my guess is that she wants something maybe information maybe money but only she knows what and once she gets what she wants she just plays him around cos she knows she can always use her beauty to control him. Relationships like these are not genuine and set for doom IMO. I hope happiness for the both of you.
I think maybe i am just no good at this relationship stuff.
I think the problem is her ..not you.. I think any guy is going to have problems making a relationship with her....Don,t despair mate , i too have had some disasters , trying to make it work with somebody that just wasn,t right for me , but i now have a lovely Latvian lady that makes me feel special , warms my heart , and does not do my head in....keep trying , the right person for you is out there someplace , i just think you aint found her yet....
