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Polish girlfriends family, they want me to become Catholic.

gouzmalargh 1 | 4  
18 Jan 2008 /  #1
Im muslim, persian, educated(able)..heh, and my girlfriend's mother is rather unwilling to sacrifice her blinkers on her eye lids and welcome a non-polish non-catholic gentleman into her family life. Yet its not limited to only her mother, her larger polish "family" is indeed unaccepting as well.

Girlfriend says "the hell with them", but come on...
1) it's evil of me to encourage her to dismiss her families wishes and roots.
2) Its quite difficult to have a relationship, and children with someone who's family won't accept you.
3) You can never leave your childhood customs and traditions behind.

And also, for those of you who might guess it, I am muslim. And to those who are Muslim or not...and belief that a Muslim man has the right to convert his wife to Islam: well sorry to burst your bubbles, but a true Muslim knows that it is unacceptable and unfaithful to force your wife to belief to convert by force. If she wants to, then that's good.

If not, then as a Muslim man, you are not allowed to force her into conversion. In fact, you must allow her to pray, go to church (or whichever), have her christmas tree, have her study groups....and so on.

The only thing you can abolish in your home, even if she is not Muslim, is alcohol! (and possibly porc...) but you better do your own research.

So back to the question: Well there is no question. Just dicuss this with me. Why are Polish mother-in-laws extremely cruel and what can be done about "Madame Butterfly"?
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,161  
18 Jan 2008 /  #2
You should convert.
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
18 Jan 2008 /  #3
you should listen to your girlfriend - to hell with them
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
18 Jan 2008 /  #4
my girlfriend's mother is rather unwilling to sacrifice her blinkers on her eye lids and welcome a non-polish non-catholic gentleman into her family life.

does this mean she will not welcome you into her home and into her life? Will she also reject her daughter? What would happen if you did not become Catholic?
dasla - | 52  
18 Jan 2008 /  #5
well i am sorry to say that if your muslim faith is your life and whole life you may have to sacrifice you love for this girl unless you believe she is your future.

if she sacrifices her family your life together will always be tainted with this, so i would say that you must choose what is more important to you, your faith or your future with this girl.

and i would say from experience that you must start as you mean to carry on,so for her to loose her family would be catastrophic.

think of this, when you have children and her family are not around to enjoy this, she will hurt.

again i am afraid that the choice can only be your's and i feel for you but religion has alot to answer for and can easily be forgotten or embarked upon.

i hope this help's,from one that has loved and lost
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
18 Jan 2008 /  #6
conversely, if her family put so much importance on their faith that they are not able to accept you have your own then are these really the values you want your children to be brought up with

as dasla say, the choice is yours but if you do make the decision to change your faith be sure that this is really the reason for their unwillingness to accept you into their family
Sadek 4 | 136  
18 Jan 2008 /  #7
If you listen to your GF "...hell". What will be yours kids faith ?
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
18 Jan 2008 /  #8
funnily enough quite a lot of kids get brought up with parents of different faith, and most of them make it safely to adulthood where they are able to make their own choice
18 Jan 2008 /  #9
Why are Polish mother-in-laws extremely cruel and what can be done about "Madame Butterfly"?

maybe she is afraid of unknown?

I have a couple of friends... she is Polish and Catholic, he is from Turkey and Muslim... they've been together about 6 years, live together, plan to get married.... her family accepts him and his family accepts her... so, no, not every Polish mother-in-law is an evil...

it is hard, but you and your gf make a team now, you'll have your own family soon... better stick together, that way you'll get stronger :)

good luck to you...
plk123 8 | 4,148  
18 Jan 2008 /  #10
what can be done about "Madame Butterfly"?

beep, beep.. ;)
OP gouzmalargh 1 | 4  
18 Jan 2008 /  #11
My girlfriend has no problem with my faith, and I have no problem with her faith.

It all comes down to weather or not I should allow her choose me over her family. Most guys wouldn't even ask this, but I just would like some feedback...

In case you don't know where I'm going with this:
Poland = racist skinhead country of the new era...

Now you know what I'm talking about?
It's not just her family, but the bigger Polish picture here.
Just check
krysia 23 | 3,058  
19 Jan 2008 /  #12
Poland = racist skinhead country of the new era...

These are stupid morons that don't represent Poland. They worship Hitler. Majority of Poles hate the evil ba$tard. They are just bored, lazy skinheads who want to cause trouble.

If your gf really loves you and you her, find a way to compromise. It is her that's marrying you, not her family, but Polish families are tight knit and they want the best for each other, and they know her better than you do so they don't want her to make a mistake and ruin her life.
the_falkster 1 | 180  
19 Jan 2008 /  #13
Poland = racist skinhead country of the new era...

also with generalisations like this you are not going to be very popular with her family, no matter what your faith is...
you wouldn't like to be called a terrorist, only because you're muslim...

as to your gf. at the very end it is not up to you yo ask her to let her family behind. it is completely her decision and your role in this is minimised to being there and support whatever decision she makes... once more communication is key here. where are you going to live? what happens when you have children? etc.

it might well be that her family changes their minds once they see that you treat her daughter well.

my gf's family was sceptical when she started dating a german. the family realised though that her behaviour changed in the last year (we both live in the uk) and when they finally met me they accepted me immediately because i treat her daughter miles better than any of the previous bf's...

time might tell a different story here as well...
OP gouzmalargh 1 | 4  
19 Jan 2008 /  #14
If her family chooses not to ever accept me, then they will eventually lose her if she does end up sticking to me.

Don't Polish families realize that their tight rigit "our way or the highway" attitute just makes them lose their loved ones?

If I don't become Catholic then they will simply "disown" her and not be very welcoming of our future children.

See the problem here is that if the Polish family acts in such a way, generally future generations of inter-racial marriages will not be connected with their Polish roots; and therefore the Polish culture will be forgotten, least diminished, after a period of several generations.

If only to make them understand this................
Sadek 4 | 136  
19 Jan 2008 /  #15
Blair has converted so you can convert as well ;-)
Foreigner4 12 | 1,768  
19 Jan 2008 /  #16
reread bubbawoo's post and that sums it up nicely. this is a false dilemna. as for anyone who'd try to force their religious beleifs on others, well, your gf summed that one up already.
matthias 3 | 429  
20 Jan 2008 /  #17
First your not dating her parents but her. If she is okey with it then you have a great girlfriend that accepts you for who you are. I would never ever convert for anybody if I didn't really believe in the religion Im converting to. I guess for you to feel better then take some time, see what the religion is all about and see if it agrees with you. If you are religious what's more important pleasing your girlfriends parents or GOD. Its great that you don't want to be a cause of tension between her and her parents but its her parents being unreasonable. Im Chatholic by the way and I wouldnt want you to convert if you don't believe.

Just thought of something though. Talk to them or have your girlfriend talk to them and see why its important to them. I say this because maybe they think your planning on taking more then one wife or that your not going to treat her as an equal. If that was my daughter I wouldn't put up with that **** either. I guess to me its not that your muslim but how extreme you are in your faith. Talk to them because if that's what they think and its not your intention then you can come to an agreement.
Crypto - | 34  
21 Jan 2008 /  #18
I was in the same situation a few months ago, but not because of religion but because of Nationality. My father and I had a massive fight because he didn't want to accept my relationship with my polish boyfriend and this carried on for months. To make a long sad story short, in the end, my father did accept our relationship, he even gave us his blessing to get engaged.

If your love for each other is strong enough, then you will be together no matter of others opinions or manipulative ways.

Also remember, like mentioned by others, that its her decision whether she decides to stick with you or give in to her family's demands. Just support her all the way!
OP gouzmalargh 1 | 4  
21 Jan 2008 /  #19
Indeed in all fairness and equality, it is only factual to say that certain parents use religion/culture as a catalyst to perhaps control their own children.

I'm not a parent yet, but for those of you who are parents: do you honestly want your child to marry into whichever family THEY want or do you want them to bring certain "advantages", when they marry.

For instance, her mother wants her to marry a Doctor. But one with slavik roots and within the religion; OR ignore all that but make sure he's a rich man (but not cheap to "me")! That kind of talking sure doesn't make me think highly of such people.

But back to the question: it is important to please God before all others; HOWEVER, pleasing God as a couple should be a top supremacy as well. Perhaps the reason why my family sees no conflict with our different religions is due in large that Islam, particularly, has allowed marriages within the people of the book; and perhaps this is not common pratice on the other two books of the religions...Although one cannot be too sure of reasearch (also known as plagirasm from more than one author ;} is always good while you're young and fresh.
matthias 3 | 429  
21 Jan 2008 /  #20
Gouz I couldn't agree with you more. Religion should not be used to control someone but to help someone.

Also to that parent question. Me personally I want my daughter to marry a Roman Catholic. Sure that's a natural feeling. But in the end I really don't care. If he treats her right and makes her happy that's all that matters. Ill get used to it and Im willing to get used to it. Sure maybe with some hesitation. Maybe her parents feel like that to, you just need to show them this relationship is serious and your here to stay.

Fairness and equality, nothing more important. Im sure it will take some getting used to for them but you will get them to like you

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