Hi there,
I left Holland (Rotterdam) in 2000 and live for 7 years now in Poland 30 km from Warsaw in the forest near the lake ( Niporient)... in a big second hand old wooden house...a house with a warm soul!!! , which I removed from Wieszcow to here....It was a hell of a job...totally new for me.....to brake a house down...and put 30.000kg on a big truck and build it up again...Polish people do it as well.....I am still busy with finishing the house.......The life in nature and in this old Polish farmhouse is great, although it getting boring after all those years...on my own.....But in my own silence...I have learned so much about myself, and the deepest intention of real life. From out the silence you can see the crazy life very sharp....where all those people are busy with...I am proud about it, most people are scared for there own silence >>>
Lonelyness.......... do you know what loneliness means and are you aware of it? i doubt it very much, because we have smothered ourselves in activities, in books, in relationships, in ideas which really prevent us from being aware of loneliness. what do we mean by loneliness? it is a sense of being empty, of having nothing, of being extraordinarily uncertain, with no anchorage anywhere. ..... what is actually taking place, what do you do when you feel lonely. you try to escape from your feeling of loneliness, you try to get on with a book, you follow some leader, or you go to a cinema, or you become socially very very active, or you go and worship and pray, or you paint, or you write a poem about loneliness. that is what is taking place. becoming aware of loneliness , the pain of it, the extraordinary and fathomless fear of it, you seek an escape and that escape becomes more important and therefore your activities, your knowledge, your godogs, your radios all become important, don't they? ... and modern civilization based on these gives you the escape - escape through your job, your family, your name, your studies, through painting etc; all our culture is based on that escape. our civilization is founded on it and that is a fact have you ever tried to be alone? when you do try, you will feel how extraordinarily difficult it is and how extraordinarily intelligent we must be to be alone, because the mind will not let us be alone. the mind becomes restless, it busies itself with escapes, so what are we doing? we are trying to fill this extraordinary void with the known. we discover how to be active, to be social; we know how to study and how to turn on the radio. we are filling that thinkg which we do not know with the images we know. we try to fill that emptiness with various kinds of knowledge, relationships or thinkgs. that is our process, that is our existence. now when you realize what you are doing, do you still think you can fill that void? ... have you succeeded in filling it or have you merely covered it up? if you have merely covered it up, it is still there; therefore it will come back... how then will you find what to do about this loneliness? you can only find what to do when you have stopped escaping. when you are willing to face what is - which means you must not turn on the radio, which means you must turn your back to civilization - then that loneliness comes to an end, because it is completely transformed. it is no longer loneliness. because the mind is continuously avoiding, escaping, refusing to see what is, it creates its own hindrances. because we have so many hindrances that are preventing us from seeing, we do not understand what is and therefore we are getting away from reality; all these hindrances have been created by the mind in order not to see what is. to see what is not only requires a great deal of capacity and awareness of action but it also means turning your back on everything that you have built up, your bank-account, your name and everything that we call civilization .....
So the reason that I wrote some words here.....is because I am full with adrenaline and ready to make some new friends to share , what is not so easy in Poland..believe me... and hopefully to meet an interesting woman who also know life from many sites.....just to have some nice dinner in my house and a interesting open talk about life......Or invite me in the unknown city Warsaw....I am a good listener as well...It's really time to come back in the living world......or maybe not....DEPEND!!! I have no other intentions...just to make some friendship......It can start with some e-mails to see if we are a bit on the same level.....Some old friends...which I have met in the beginning of my adventure here..are from academy of fine Art Warsaw....funny world
By the way ..I am 37 years old....My email alex.bolte@gmail
I have no high expectations of the huge theatre of internet......But we will see....
Kindly regards....
Alex
