Return PolishForums LIVE
  PolishForums Archive :
Archives - 2005-2009 / Love  % width 44

2 different cultures or 2 different people

edelweiss1 2 | 22  
22 Aug 2008 /  #1
hi i write my first topic of a sad note due to a breakdown with a girl i knew (polish) of just 6 months albeit a short time i actually felt very attached to this girl who i will simply call >aga,she came into my life during march/08 & instructed me that she lived in a rented home with 4 other polish nationalities and one of which was an ex-boyfriend of some 7 years but she told me they no longer loved and slept in different rooms and mentioned to me that she did not want to tell any of her house mates that she had began a relationship with me. Okay I understand this but what troubled me that when asked if i could see her room as I was helping her with english and sometimes the house was busy and so her room was a perfect room to choose to vacate the busy kitchen etc I was told no every time and so when asked "why" i was to be told it was a mess,however I felt that i was not concerned by her room a mess as for me thats not important if you feel alot for someone but of course it made me wonder why?

This went on and it troubled me more when told I could not see her on certain days of the week ie:monday,tuesday,thursday,friday & saturday but a little but sunday i could see. She never really asked me for money so this was not a concern and i topped up her phone a few times and bought dinner etc as this is for me just plain normal when you care for someone. However things started going downhill rapidly when after being told she wanted to marry and have children she started to dictate to me what i would and could not do once as she said moved in to my home ,for example go out wit my friends to a pub and although not really a drinker (little than one visit to a pub a month) during evening with a close friend whom I sometimes work with as I am a self employed gardener, but this would be a problem. My dog whom i have owned for8 years and comes everywhere like work with me would have to wear socks in my home but I said I would buy her a cat would not have to wear socks. As an english man I feel that the english language has somewhat changed during the last 20 or so years and swearing is seen everywhere and i know my place when i should not swear family,children and such like but it is something that is in my language as it is in the english dictionary of collins but this was not to be accepted. And so I should accept also the fact of being made to feel jealous by her statements of "this man at work who is so attracted to me and he asked me out for pizza" and "this man asked me out today" etc etc when asked why she done this i was to be told "i like it when my man shows jealousy".

and so this went on and she was going to move in with me once her contract expired (end of august) and so I had to decorate my home ready for such time but furniture and colours was always wrong when choose by me and so I adhered to her choice to please,one friday evening I was sitting at home very lonely and bored and after a call from a work friend deceided to go to a small pub for just a couple of units ,i wanted to do this as i was tired sitting at home alone on the evenings and days we did not seduring the evening some old irish work frinds who i had not seen in a long time began a night of whisky drinking and inevitably I went back to my male friends home to crash on his sofa,i returned in the morning a little worse for wear to find my dog had destroyed my new floor and door and door frames and was none too pleased ,I sent to her an sms to say sorry but I had gone out and when she came to me within 30 minutes gave to me an outburst that she was leaving me this led to an argument and we broke up.

we came back together but on saturday 16th august after she had been to a friends leaving bash on the friday evening and after spending the night with me I dropped her at my home and she walked to her home some 30 meters away saying she was tired and wanted to sleep,this was at 16:00hrs /saturday time passed and at 23;15hrs I went to bed after not hearing nothing from her,sunday morning came and still nothing and so after sending some sms asking if she was ok I tried to call but her phone was switched off ,her friend received an sms from her saying she was moving out but that was it and nothing to me,until i received something from her tuesday saying she had moved out but did not want to tell me where and that i should not contact her,baffled as i was i tried to not worry but of course it was hard as i love her so very very much she told me she was returning back to poland and she would tell me when she came back but as I have also to leave u.k and go to germany for film work and not return until 17th september this i feel is a long time to not know or see your supposed partner for and maybe i am at fault here but the film work as an extra for me is very important and could be good but i feel it is important to do this with a clear concience and not the great worry of your partners strange behaviour and so prior to leaving for germany I sent in an sms that i wanted to know what was going on as i did not feel it was fair to not tell me what was going on and that I would end our relationship if she did not meet me to explain as my head is being destroyed with the constant worry she did not reply & so i regretably went to her former home and asked the ex-boyfriend just what was going on ,I was told she no longer lived there (which of course i knew) but he did not want to speak to me and in my desperation i thought i should explain what had been going on & that she and i had been in a relationship for some 6 months and that i thought it was respectable albeit painfull for him to know this as IF they were together I did not want to be with his girl but he walked away and so I left only to receive an sms from her which simply said "goodbay" (aga if your reading this the correct spelling is>goodbye),it seems she does not want me and i only wanted her version as to why the trauma from why she moved and what was going on but it seems I will never know. :(

This has been my first relationship with a girl from a different country and to be honest I have missed out certain aspects of our brief relationship as I do not want to go into any personal details as you are reading this and you may be one of her family and so in respect i refrain from such details. But in short "I am so deeply hurt by this and as i pack for a trip which i am supposed to enjoy ,I leave with a very very heavy heart at losing a girl who meant the world to me and miss so much . I apologize if my topic is not a happy one but as an englishman I felt it was appropriate to place as my relationship wit a polish girl has given me much upset and worry and to be truthfull a doubt as to wether i would date again a girl from a different culture but sure not all are the same but scars are hard to fade when they cut to the bone.

Lastly aga" if you are reading this I am sorry we split and you will always remember you as the girl i loved so much but will miss you so very much and I try to understand that you fell out of love with me but I wish only happiness to you so take care angel. :/ jk
Danny 2 | 91  
22 Aug 2008 /  #2
Sorry dude, I have the attention span of a fish... I didn't make it ll the way through your post. But sympathies brother. Sorry for ya.

she started to dictate to me what i would and could not do

My Polish sweetheart did exactly the same! After two months together, no less! One minute I'm flavour of the week, the next my lifestyle must change or she's leaving! I wasn't prepared to do it. I've tried to be someone I'm not for someone else before and in the end I barely recognised myself and I was miserable.

(still making my way through your post...)

i was to be told "i like it when my man shows jealousy"


Phew... that was kind of an effort but I finished it. Dude, you need more punctuation in there... even the voice in my head almost ran out of breath!! Heh! :D

Sounds like she played you, mate. You wouldn't be the first. You'll be fine in a year or so. Probably..?
OP edelweiss1 2 | 22  
22 Aug 2008 /  #3
i thank you for your sympathetic replys and in truth its not sympathy that i am wanting but just simply to say my experience with a polish girl albeit just 6 months but 6 months of heartache and uncertainty can be a long time when you doggedly try and try to know what your partner is wanting but just receiving uncertainty. Also apologies for the long post. :(
Danny 2 | 91  
22 Aug 2008 /  #4
I gotta heartache tale too. I'd like to say don't worry, you'll get over it but I never did. Still, you ain't me. And what doesn't kill us...

You're probably better off. Sounds like she got a kick out of tormenting you and playing you. Mine just claimed to love me then f*cked off to the states to put it around. The word of the day was "legs" and she was all about spreading the word...
OP edelweiss1 2 | 22  
22 Aug 2008 /  #5
hey danny do you know i understand your brief reply to the utmost as to be told by her the night before she said goodbye she had to drive to Ireland in the night to get something from a cousin there from south midlands her leaving point to Ireland and then return back from Ireland to south midlands ready for work the next morning at 08:30hrs seems odd to say the least,Irish friends of mine have simply said that its not possible.

I sent to her an sms to say she had to cross water to reach Ireland from the u.k but the reply i received was

"i was do this. it is the same in love as in war ; a fortress that parleys is half taken. sleep darling"
I found her rather odd and that she was not exactly being honest with me and 2 people who love each other > she was not being truthfull or so it seemed :(

this girl slept with me on the friday night and left me on the saturday > i not understand after also being told "I love you & I want to marry you & want 2 children with you" I am not naive enough to beleive anything what people say but when ones in love they choose to beleive as it seems the natural path but boy oh boy she tore my heart in bits and its never easy to pick up the pieces :/
MarcinD 4 | 135  
22 Aug 2008 /  #6
please re write that essay with more paragraphs. Very difficult to read
Kilkline 1 | 682  
22 Aug 2008 /  #7
My dog whom i have owned for8 years and comes everywhere like work with me would have to wear socks in my home

Danny 2 | 91  
22 Aug 2008 /  #8

My dog whom i have owned for8 years and comes everywhere like work with me would have to wear socks in my home


I didn't say that?
ShelleyS 14 | 2883  
22 Aug 2008 /  #9
Dont worry about it, misquotes happen sometimes....
22 Aug 2008 /  #10
geez....i wanna read that, but i can't because my eyes hurt... could somebody tell me what's that all about, please?
Danny 2 | 91  
22 Aug 2008 /  #11
His lady basically f*cked him around and ditched him and now he's heartbroken, poor chap.
22 Aug 2008 /  #12
thanks Danny...i got to the point where he wrote that she lives with her xbf and doesn't want to let him in to her she was cheating, playing him etc, right?
Danny 2 | 91  
22 Aug 2008 /  #13
She played him like a cheap guitar at a Car Boot Sale, by the sounds of things.
Kilkline 1 | 682  
22 Aug 2008 /  #14
geez....i wanna read that, but i can't because my eyes hurt... could somebody tell me what's that all about, please?

Guy meets Polish girl, she behaves like stereotypical manipulative east european female ("I vant dis, I vant dat", "if you love me you no go out with friends" "why your dog not wear socks" etc), girl does runner.
Danny 2 | 91  
22 Aug 2008 /  #15
Yep. That's the gist of it.

For his story, I mean. I don't think that of European women. Although my girlfriend did decide I should change my lifestyle after only knowing me for two months.
22 Aug 2008 /  #16
she behaves like stereotypical manipulative east european female

that bothers me, but i know it's partially the true, so i'll just let it go...

edelweiss1, you will be better off without her....good luck...
Danny 2 | 91  
22 Aug 2008 /  #17
Warsaw8 4 | 126  
22 Aug 2008 /  #18
Cant help yah, I aswell have the attention span of a fish sometimes, but, kick ass name. Adelvice, always liked that word...
Daisy 3 | 1216  
22 Aug 2008 /  #19
When did Crow change his name to edelweiss1?
Kilkline 1 | 682  
22 Aug 2008 /  #20
that bothers me, but i know it's partially the true, so i'll just let it go..

I was careful to say stereotypical rather than typical. Although I'm sure we all recognise the character definition I'm refering to.
Danny 2 | 91  
22 Aug 2008 /  #21

Yeah, I misread you too. Sorry bud.
mandellmungo - | 1  
22 Aug 2008 /  #22
Sorry to hear all this . I hope you will slowly feel better and better .

Other people went through it so remember you are not alone !!!

I had 2 years together with a E. European woman .

We had a close relationship and she clearly felt very very close to me indeed .

. I Helped her with everything I could .

She had my visa card and respected it = she took about £40 a month only when she was desperate . She was my girlfriend and I felt strongly that you help those close to you . It was OK and respectful

After one and a half years , it all changed but she told me almost nothing .

she began to take a LOT of money and cheated me financially in other ways as well . Cheated me in every way she could .

She was seeing other men by now , unknown to me . She became ruthless, cynical and treated me **** , as if I was not a human .

She left me , cruelly and playing with me . Saying to me how much better rthe new man is

having promised repeatedly to pay certain money to me as a matter of conscience .

I am left feeling that she has almost no conscience and will use any person or situation if she needs and does not care what happens to other people .

This is because she HAS to be ruthless and selfish to live .

She grew up with a cynical mentality in a very poor , very damaged country AFTER perestroika .

In E Europe everybody knows that you must be very selfish to survive , or you get crushed by other , more ruthless people .

NO collective , cooperative principles are left in Poland and E . Europe . UK is not a fair, caring or good country but still you meet a good proportion of people who are DECENT , KIND, SENSITIVE

. They can afford to be because they came from a good background in the 60 s and 70s , when there was less competitiveness and individualism . Britain was very safe , getting rich , and socially getting much more stable and happy. THis created a good mentality .

Worse still, the disaster of distorted communism by Stalin-Brezhnev- Honecker-Jaruzcselski is really feeding through into people's personalities and emotions . I spent 10 years with East Europeans and I DO NOT WANT TO GENERALISE , but the younger women seem to be selfish , cynical and without any humanistic principles , and no idea what community, love your neighbour or socialism is about at all. They are often damaged , selfish , greedy , needy and ruthless.

They can use you and destroy you like NONE OF MY ENGLISH GIRLFRIENDS (OVER LAST 20 YEARS) WOULD EVER DO

Sorry , poverty and stalinism makes people very warped


a few beautiful exceptions - they tend to be over 30 and more ideologically and emotionally connected to the elements of socialism that were OK - caring and cooperative , collective . Of coure they hate Marx and socialism,now

but the best of them are influenced by the (occasional ) good things from tat time .

Are the women there often not created by a disaster of poverty and stalinist distortedness ? My experience over 10 years is yes , they are - and the younger the women are the worse they are .

Russia is much the worst , then Ukraine , Latvia , Lith, Estonia to a lesser extent Poland ,

Mind you , British women also see us men as something to assess as a commodity / use / get money from / . It 's shame that Western Feminism is at its best so intelligent and so profoundly humanistic, but most of our women know nothing at all. They can treat others like objects that have no feelings

But to return to the point , Eastern women are perhaps even worse


Tatyana from Evgenii Onegin and the Slavic heroine has indeed become a bastardised Gold-digger ?
OP edelweiss1 2 | 22  
19 Sep 2008 /  #23
Daisy...i joined this forum to post my thread and have not & would not asume a different name. i.e:crow. I thank you all who read my Initial thread and have understood my ongoing (i guess hard to decifer..) wording :/
foxtrot1213 2 | 43  
19 Sep 2008 /  #24
1. Living with ex boyfriend? I never heard of this life this a new edition in market?

2. "i like it when my man shows jealousy"? Do the same to her, and you will be labeled as "cheater" and "it is in the nature of men". This is another stupid life style.

If any woman is a control freak of this level but loves to make you jealous by enjoying other man's company then she deserves to be cheated repeatedly.
southern 73 | 7071  
19 Sep 2008 /  #25
My experience over 10 years

I see you are attracted to stalinic women.
ShelleyS 14 | 2883  
19 Sep 2008 /  #26

Same could be said for men really - are they not guilty of using women? As for seeing men as a commodity - thats quite a sad way of thinking, I can't say I've ever looked at a boyfriend in that way or maybe you meant companionship?
19 Sep 2008 /  #27
OK, Eastern European or not men should have some respect for themselves and stand their ground. Loving somebody doesn't mean that one becomes a doormat.

as much as I sympathize with those men, I also think that they contributed a great deal to the problem by being too soft.
Even when a friend tries to push you around you would stand your ground, wouldn't you?
southern 73 | 7071  
19 Sep 2008 /  #28
a great deal to the problem by being too soft.

Here comes the turkishdelight to save you.
19 Sep 2008 /  #29
improve your reading skills or shut it.

have you heard of "assertive"?
Dekameron 1 | 146  
19 Sep 2008 /  #30
Polish women require regular beatings, thats a fact.

Archives - 2005-2009 / Love / 2 different cultures or 2 different peopleArchived