i'm finding myself getting set off at everything. I'm a Canadian living and working in Poland. I am getting sick and tired of hearing excuse, after excuse, after excuse, for just about everything.
the latest event occured on the weekend....
I was making a plan to meet with a married couple (i work with the wife and we've all been out before) for some drinks on Saturday night. we talked on GG then she went offline. i SMSd her about 15 min later asking what happened. She claimed no internet connection. So i then SMSd back and said that i will come to the city and find a place and we will meet. I didn't hear back from her. I waited 30 min. I then SMSd her and said...."ok thanks for writing back to me. I guess you don't want to do anything, so papa"
I saw her at work on Monday, and asked what happened on Saturday. She said they just stayed home. I asked why didn't she get back to me. She said she had no credit on her mobile and couldn't SMS. I mentioned that she could have tried going on GG and sent me a msg. She said she could have done that. I asked why not SMS me from her husbands mobile to tell me if they want to join me or not. "oh i could have done that i guess, but i didnt think about it"
she said it won't happen again....I said "you're right....it won't happen again....because i won't ask you to do something again....so don't worry about it"
She said for me to relax and not to get mad.
I am soooooo fed up with these lame excuses i hear all the time in this country. "i had no credit on my mobile" "i don't have time" "I will SMS you later" "i never got your message on GG" I have never run into this as much anywhere i have ever been.
I've had a problem with one of my co-workers over the past 3 weeks and we don't talk as a result of it. She has told all the others about the problem (unlike myself who doesn't care to share with the others). Now the others have made me feel like an outcast. I feel completely uncomfortable now in the work environment.
You know that feeling you get when you enter a room, that others have been talking about you? I encounter that all the time. They don't say hello, they keep talking in Polish if i am in the room, which is unlike the before the xmas break. I just come into the teachers room, get my books, and go out into the corridor and talk with my students.
Now....I come to work 10 mins before i start, and leave as fast as possible. I don't wait around and chat, lock up and walk home with the others.
I was told by a co-worker that i have a good relationship with, that all the other teachers are afraid to be friends with me now, because they do not want to get on my "bad side". We all used to go out for a drink a few times a week after work....now we do nothing.
I was also told that all the other teachers are talking about me...that it looks like i am trying to pick up girls. WTF?? I do not date my students nor my collegues. It is a commitment i made to myself. Sure i talk with female students....but it is strictly professional. So if my collegues consider me talking to a female student as "trying to pick her up" its pretty sad.
My american friend here in the same city said to me that after 3 months you will be fed up with the crap and want to go home. I didn't beleive him then....but now i do.
thanks for reading my rant. just needed to vent. Maybe i need to change my surroundings...
Sorry to hear that. Sometimes my countryfolks deeds make me feel ashamed. But if you live abroad, you learn that other nations have their drawbacks too. No-one is perfect, mind you.
nauczyciel..not an easy situation to be, firstly you need to nip in the bud the rumours re picking up girls/students, this can be very damaging for you and not good for your career.
If need be, try and speak with your Head teacher about whats been said, having said that you may then be opening a can of worms and god know where that will lead!!
Secondly, perhaps meet with your colleagues, mend some fences, explain how you feel, let them tell you how they feel, it will not be easy but you need to get it sorted by positive action....if you let it fester...then all bets are off!
Once you have alienated, separated yourself out form the "pack" it may be very difficult to get back in.....
Some differences will be cultural, misinterpretations of language, perhaps your expectations are too high or.....were they real friends in the first place?
But at the centre of this is good communication....in an understanding, non-accusatory atmosphere..........not sure if this is of any use, but hopefully you'll get it sorted...
Can I assume you don't speak Polish.....?.......makes everything very difficult to relate well to everyone!
I am soooooo fed up with these lame excuses i hear all the time in this country. "i had no credit on my mobile" "i don't have time" "I will SMS you later" "i never got your message on GG" I have never run into this as much anywhere i have ever been.
lol... i wait ages for replies to my texts and emails... if they come at all...
can anyone offer an explanation for this... without lapsing in to the same old excuses...?
thanks for that /\ i have been here only 3 months.... and am learning polish from scratch. so it's difficult for me to communicate sometimes. but after some Zubrowka y sok jablkowy its no problem. I can communicate with the general public well enough to get what i need. I understand more than i can speak.
My collegues are native Poles and all speak english so communication is not an issue.
I've been considering having a group discussion with the others to nip it in the bud.
I am remaining here for the benefit of my students. I care about them more than my collegues.
Consider your options, perhaps speak to an older member of staff re your issues, in a roundabout way, he perhaps can let the rest konw your feelings.......sure we all have out off days...its just you don't want them to think you are a "humpy git" all the time...hope that translates from colloquial Irish...lol
But I do think as a guest, in a place of learning a bit more effort should be made by your colleagues......plus you don't want to be singled out for damaging rumour or innuendo.
hehe... "older member of the staff " i am older than anyone by 10 years, even the owners. yes i do not want to be considered the "outsider" or "mr grumpy"
just make sure to tell them that if the dont want to meet anywhere to just let you know up front so your not waiting, its the least they could do and part of common courtesey to tell you up front , tonight would be a bad night to go, I have some things to catch up on.
as for the accusations. one of the teachers here has parent helpers , who are in the classroom helping. this way there is someone around all the time to back you up if such accusations come about.
I dont know what age group you work with, but it might not be a bad Idea to incorporate a assistant :)
And by the way, I don't think that they're all against you just because you're a foreigner, you're just unlucky to have bad colleagues. Such situations happen in many workplaces across Poland (eg. my sister had problems with her co-workers without any clear reason, they just had it in for her).
Yup, so true Bartolome.......you'd be surprised how the collective concience can turn against one in a group.......esp if they are outsiders to begin with...brings too many ideas that management like, works too hard, too diligent, puts the nose out of joint of the leader of the group etc..........
But, hopefully theres way back........frank discussion requirement!
If I was a detective I'd guess you were in Gdynia and at one of the Bell schools. If I'm correct, do reply because I have some friends in the Bell schools over there and might be able to help.
nauczyciel, do people consider you good looking or is there something about you that people envy? The behavior you describe sounds like people might be jealous of you for some reason. Maybe your friend's husband is jealous of you and that's why she never called you back about going out for drinks. He might have said something to her. And the problem with your co-workers also sounds odd. It's almost as if they feel jealous of you and they only used that one incident to have a reason to express it.
Nauczyciel you always moan about your relation with polish people. But the same hppens to polish living in USA, Uk. Different culture, behaviur ....feeling alienated.
In my first job in UK there were 3 women in my team who completely didn't accept me - I don't know why I think probbaly I was learning too quickly was too educated....was I thread to them? I don't know.
I was making a plan to meet with a married couple (i work with the wife and we've all been out before) for some drinks on Saturday night. we talked on GG then she went offline. i SMSd her about 15 min later asking what happened. She claimed no internet connection. So i then SMSd back and said that i will come to the city and find a place and we will meet. I didn't hear back from her. I waited 30 min. I then SMSd her and said...."ok thanks for writing back to me. I guess you don't want to do anything, so papa"
I have impression that you are bit lonely and used to going out . Maybe you put some pressure on people wanting going out with them but they are too polite to say not and make stupid excuses.
I don't want generalise but Polish people don't spend so much time in pubs, bars like some other nations. Reason could be money , different customs ....
I don't know much about teachers but i have heard that they can be bit funny and ****** in Poland.
Maybe you should change school, town........meet different people.
I am soooooo fed up with these lame excuses i hear all the time in this country. "i had no credit on my mobile" "i don't have time" "I will SMS you later" "i never got your message on GG" I have never run into this as much anywhere i have ever been.
Nauczyciel, it isn't a normal situation. It may sound harsh, but it looks that those people either don't like you or fear you. It's hard to be objective after hearing out only one side, but there's something definitely wrong going on there. People don't behave like this without any cause. The behavior that you mentioned above is as rudest as it could possibly get. This woman didn't even try not to hurt your feelings. I mean what's up with that? There are two probable scenarios, first one: you encountered a bunch of rude morons, the second one: you are a antisocial person. Or maybe the truth lies somewhere in between? We wont figure it out here. But there is something that got me thinking:
I was told by a co-worker that i have a good relationship with, that all the other teachers are afraid to be friends with me now, because they do not want to get on my "bad side". We all used to go out for a drink a few times a week after work....now we do nothing.
Have you ever had any problems with your temper perhaps? I'm not trying to impose anything, just wondering.
I was also told that all the other teachers are talking about me...that it looks like i am trying to pick up girls. WTF?? I do not date my students nor my collegues. It is a commitment i made to myself. Sure i talk with female students....but it is strictly professional. So if my collegues consider me talking to a female student as "trying to pick her up" its pretty sad
Are you sure you aren't sending them any wrong signals that you aren't aware of? I saw your picture in the thread "Post a pic of yourself"( Post#895), and it got me thinking you know. People that are biased towards somebody very often interpret some situation as they want it to.
Polish teachers are not supposed to be friendly towards students. Looking at the way you sat next to the 2 young blondes in the bowling alley, I can understand why some would think of you as an old lecher. Sorry, people are unfair on things like this.
Are you teaching in a private language school or a regular school? What's the age range of the students? And finally, if it is a regular school, have you ever taught in a regular school in Canada? There is a world of difference between regular schools and private language schools - I was a regular teacher in the UK (with my fair share of stupid colleagues - I had a lot to learn about nasty people) and a private school language teacher in Poland. The dynamics are totally different.
I don't personally know your situation but I used to live in a Polish house here in England. I've noticed that English people when compared to poles are a lot louder and boysterous, being English myself this is normal behaivour but I found that the Polish girls I was living with at the time stopped talking to me and I eventually found out the reason they stopped talking to me was because they were scared of me and my English friends.
After we resolved the issue I explained to my mates not to be so loud. I told the Polish girls not to worry and that my friends like them its just the way they talk. Everything was ok after that.
One thing I learnt is that English humour, generally doesn't all ways go down well with Polish girls, unless they speak really good english.
I'm not saying Polish people are aliens what I'm saying is you cant expect other people to just understand your ways and culture, especially if you're the foreigner. Just keep saying hello, be polite, and stop trying to pick up those polish girls :-) Maybe they'll forgive you but it takes time.
i have soooo much that i would like to add to this after reading all that you wrote...but i would be here for an hour or so.
some points.
the friend with the husbad,... we have all met before.... and it was his suggestion to meet me a few times before in the past 2 months so he/they could practice their english.
I have been the only member of the faculty to arrange social events for the students. And they have been well recieved.
i work at a private school in Northern PL and my students are mainly 18-40+
i like how so many of you judge me based on a photo...i do not need to justify my seating position...but i saw the pic was about to be taken...so i jumped into it....hence my position.
"I can understand why some would think of you as an old lecher. Sorry, people are unfair on things like this." just like you!!! that was really nice of you to say. you dont know anything about me or my age.
thanks to the ones with the positive feedback, and for the others that slag me,...i have nothing to say. I will not lower myself to your level.
and for the others that slag me,...i have nothing to say. I will not lower myself to your level.
naucz... having read the complete thread... it appears that no one is actually slagging you... or lowing themselves... they are offering open and honest thoughts to your OP...
and with fear of having accusations levied at myself... perhaps this is the very attitude that is causing the coldness from your colleagues... there appears to be an oversinsitivity and defenceness that often comes from adjusting to living in new cultures...
You do seem very defensive nauczyciel.. I lived in Holland for 4 years and it wasn't always easy going, but i adjusted, made the effort to speak Dutch, although not great and found it a lot more relaxed and easy going. It's a matter of integrating yourself to different cultures and surroundings i think.
Like BubbaWoo suggested i certainly don't think anyone was being unfair to you. Just constructive maybe.. Maybe you just need to lighten up a little and be less sensitive..
Let me read this back...nope i'm not being critical here..ok have fun..
thanks to the ones with the positive feedback, and for the others that slag me,...i have nothing to say. I will not lower myself to your level.
I don't think anyone slagged you---you asked for peoples' opinions and were given just that. To me, it looks like you may need an attitude adjustment. If you can't accept the constructive, honest opinions of others because you don't like their answers, than don't ask the question. One of the hardest things to do is to take an honest look at ourselves (believe me, I've been there and don't necessarily like everything I've seen about myself) but by acknowledging and accepting certain things, I have been able to modify. We can't change what we don't see. Just a suggestion.
