Coming back to Poland after 5 years in UK

Hello,

I have recently came back to Lodz after spending 5 quite difficult years in London.

I wanted to come back to be close to my family members ( my mom died on year ago ) and because of the houseshare in London ( I have my own flat in Poland ).

Anyway, I had quite good jobs in UK so I felt confident, independent and very happy on that level.

I truly belive I made this decision too late and now feel tired of having a nice, fresh start - I feel I don't fit very well in here. Truly, I am depressed.

Giving emotional support to my brother means that he will take everything you give it to him but you can't expect even simple "thank you". I quess, he doesn't see the same I see and is very unhappy himself.

The same with my father - he can be rude and doesn't show much respect sometimes.
He is my lovely father but I think our relationship was much better when I was away.

Although I am Polish myself, I found living in Poland now very difficult. People don't seem friendly, the houses are ugly and dirtly, my family is no longer the same as it used to be and I think I suffer kind of 'identity crisis". Just like not belonging here anymore. My confidence is getting weaker because all my friends have their own families and kids around while I don't. I just feel lonely and there is not many places to go for a drink etc.

I have just started looking for a job which hopefully will help, I suppose.

Honestly, I feel really run down and not happy at all. For me - it's such a serious, ssad, rude and strange life.

Anyone got the same ? How to overcome this crisis ?

Have you thought about moving to Warsaw? It might give you enough distance to be appreciated by your family, it's much more cosmopolitan, and it's easier to find a job.

Paulina.. you need to gather your family and speak your mind ...

not having a older sister or some support yourself can be hard.. sometimes people ignore the fact that others could be still hurting and it sounds like your doing all you can to keep your family together , but not getting the emotional support and time to mourn like they have.

so I am going to act as the older sister right now...

gather father, and brother tomorrow..
ask both to please listen and to not speak until you are done.
please do not be rude and cut me off as I am only going to say this once.

I love the both of you, but I need your support too.. I miss mom too, and I dont have the nuturing or someone to turn to and cry when I need that shoulder.

I am depressed, I dont want to live here if I have to be your support only. we are family and we all should work as one.. this is what our mother would have wanted and expected.

Paulina.. you tell them that.. you certainly deserve more help and emotional support then you are getting.. we all know sometimes we dont show our side, so you show it to them so they can know that you are still hurting too..

Please feel free to email me as well if needed my email is open always or pm

* sisterly Hugs*

patrycja19, your advice is pure nonsense, the feel and touch effect does not work in poland... best advice is to dump your family, of couse explain why and leave.. ps.... give it time and your father and brother will come back crawling to you and all will be good.

please ignore any other advice.

Im not going to argue with u, my father was the same as how she explains. believe it or not they are capable of letting their human side out .. I know how polish men are.. I have two brothers ( stubborn as they come) and my father who taught them everything they know.

My father is gone, both brothers are now very caring and concerned and do support me the way family should.. dont tell me I dont know what I am talking about unless you are alien and of another breed of men. I think she can handle it just fine.. and apparently she is supporting them which shows a softer side of her and how much she cares..

my father listened to me more then my brothers after I showed him I was equal to him and we became alot closer..

and yes I am polish, my dads father was polish, he was just like his father , and they all came strait from poland!! some men never change.. huh.. bolek?

Now you understand that money is not everything.


There are plenty of places in poland, especially the big cities, to go out for drinks and some fun. Doesn't krakow have something like 10,000 pubs??


Moving from country to country or even from city to city can create quite a bit of stress. You just need to go out and find some friends - and a man. Being around friends will make your transitition to your new life much smoother.

I'm sure you felt out of place when you first went to the UK but eventually you made friends, found work and were able to adapt to you new life. Going back to poland is no different.

Patrycja, men don't change because the methods you want us to follow don't work.

From my experience make your point, if you don't get a satisfactory response, dust the sand from your sandles and leave... rest assured that this will make them change.. at least try it... unfortunately people in Poland who have a family member work overseas think that this person is made of money and a good target. Poles are slow learners in this regard...

lol..

ok, well you stick with yours and I will mine, if she takes it or leaves the advice whatever she does I do hope everything works out for the best..

can you show your softer side there bolek or do ya have to be a mean old fart and matter of fact everything just because you have a couple of nuts to sit on :)

lol, don't tell me you have balls too! lol.. sure each to his own, some times you have to make a point to get your message across. I know from experience.

This is a sad case. Sometime families can drift apart and become mean, after a long absence. There could be other questions raised. When she left to go to England, did she go with her fathers blessings, or against his advice? There might be other factors involved.. Only she knows the answers. For the whole families sake, I hope it all ends on a happy note.

GOOD LUCK PAULINA.. HUGS

Hello PaulinaK14,

And welcome to the Polish Forum.

I am sorry for the loss of you mother.

---

Some people find it easier than others to move, even back.


I have been in a similar circumstance many years ago.
To be honest I went a bit ballobas (mad) and I left to a different part of my country just for a couple of months, just to take stock of myself.

You are obviously a very open and honest person and I can see you have written from your heart but be patient and look after yourself, life is hard and family life doubly so.

I would recommend keeping yourself busy and finding work, I would even recommend not drinking alcohol for this period, it is a depressant and will only hinder you.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you guys and girls.

"Hugs" were great, you can't even imagine how much I miss "hugs and touches" and this little important stuff.

Patrycja and Bolek are both right.
I need to say that Bolek's opinion that the feel and touch effect doesn't work in Poland at all is...true. I am going to write to Patrycja personally as well.

I wanted to leave Poland just to become independent, not for the money ( come' on, who can save good money in London.. ?? ) My relations with my mother and brother were difficult, I felt overshadowed and wanted to find my own path in life etc. It worked fine till... I came back.

My father was always on my side, now I think he is just scared that he won't maintain a decent living - he is retired and lost my mother and truly - her help, initiative, income and energy so he somehow tends to lean on my brother who earns quite good money and has a son. But... it doesn't work, believe me. He gets poorer, not richer. He has two faces as well.

That's what I see. Just surviving, easy solutions etc.

I can't see the attitute " ok, I will try to make it by myself, this is a challenge in my life", not at all.

Honestly speaking, I wouldn't like to dump my family,I am on the stage to be scared of loosing anyone else - I just want to be close to them - that's why I came ! - to go to the cementry from time to time and leave the candle and be happy I can be close, appreciate the time we have a chance to spend together, maybe cook something my mum liked ? or watch the video sometimes etc.

Once you loose someone permanently in your life you appreciate your friends, relatives etc differently.

I don't want to hurt anyone and to loose anyone - my mother contributed in buying my flat so my brother is against selling it - he thinks everything should stay the way she decided to do, he is sooooo patronising.....I came to sort out her clothes, give some of them to charity or other people who suffer cancer, he says

" NO ! keep them where they are, I will take them all to my place". Sure....

It's like not giving anyone who is different any support, freedom, any right to decide in their own lives, specially mine. Woman has no respect, well, maybe once she is a mother.

What I can see is that they expected me to stay in UK, buy a house and get married over there etc. Otherwise is " all right, if you couldn't make your own life so far ( I don't agree with that ), I will decide what's best for you", which is nonsense. They treat me as a looser, somehow, it's sad.

Life in UK is not the same as in PL even though you have a better quality of flats etc.

Thanks for listening this family story.
And you know what.. ? I've just realised writing this stuff, that if I had a choice - to loose my family connections, my brother stupid influence etc. in order to have my own life - I wouldn't hesitate to do that. It's so draining that it can't last, it's killing, sad and very dissapointing.

So sad - once you say" sure..", "no problem.." in here, people will take advantage of you and walk over you very quickly. That's my opinion.

Have a nice week,
Lots of love,
Paulina

apparently more then you.. :) ha ha..


ok Paulina, I would like that :)

bolek and I were discussing the best course of action to help.

I am glad our replys could help some, and help you to smile :)