Living in Poland - prospects for Alabama guy ... need some advice!

Huntsville has the highest concentration of Fortune 500 businesses and PhD's in the world. And yeah, our particular strand of cotton, "Belle Mina" is one of the finest varietals of the crop, anywhere. Everybody's from somewhere. For further edification: tennessee-valley.org/communities/huntsville/comm_profile.ht ml

So why don't you help your wife find an interesting, challenging job in Huntsville?

Would that I could. She doesn't believe she could do what she did in Poland, here. She denies that her father got her that cozy job at AGP, but without his connections, her resume looks mighty thin. Her spoken English is impeccable, but people here have ears attuned to only what they grew up hearing, and her accent mystifies them, slight as it may be. Ten years ago, I did a very unkind thing, to a very kind person, and if I were to explain to you why, that is, if I were to frame it for you the way I saw it at the time, you might have some understanding of it. But.. suffice it to say, I've no good word to put in for her, here.

Based on what you've just told me, I don't see a chance of her ever fitting in. If even her slight accent is something of a problem... It also seems you yourself are being ostracised by the community a teeny weeny bit at the moment? Not a good combination. And not the happiest of places, it would seem to me. If you ask me, I would leave. It would probably be a lot easier for you to find something interesting and worthwhile to do in PL than for your wife in Huntsville. This just an opinion based on what I've read in this thread ofc.

Yeah. Probably. I just.. I just wish she would really TRY. She hasn't bothered to get a driver's license, she won't go to any Meet-Ups of other stay at home moms, she hasn't done anything but long for those damned cobble-stoned streets and creaky trams she left so far behind. And now what? I gotta put an ocean between my kid and her grandmother, and spend my afternoon's learning how to say "three" in Polish? This... blows. And now I'm whining. Great.

Your missus feels more at home in her homeland.

Perfectly normal.

If you love her, try life in her country.

I still think opening an American style diner in Wroclaw would make you a rich man, btw.

Sounds homesick as hell to me, to the point of depression, actually. Are you sure those other moms hadn't snubbed her or anything?


It's much easier to go visit Grandma in the US, or invite her over for the summer, than to try to build a jolly family life around a depressed and homesick spouse.


Pull yourself together, man ;-)


Yeah, that could just work. Seriously :-)

yeh but honestly those meeting are horrendous, full of psycho new moms who are so competitive they are comparing AGPAR scores and baby penis size, I swear. Plus they are REALLY cliquey.

I would not blame any mom who refused to go.
It is 99 per cent certain you would not meet any potential real friend at one of those groups.

Jason - what is your line of work? The things to consider is what job prospects she has in USA and what prospects you have in Poland. There a a lot of international companies in Poland that might employ you if you are highly skilled and educated (and believe me, the DON'T pay peanuts...!).

But looks to me that your wife has not tried to find work in her area of expertise either. So I think before you two make final decision, you must both look around at prospects in both countries and then decide.

Your wife seems like an ambitious, successful woman - not the house-wifey type. She is surely not going to enjoy mum's meetings and discussing baby poos (no mater how she enjoys her motherhood). I think she misses her old life (or part of it), not necessarily Poland. She also must realise that it might be difficult to find job and fit back in her "old shoes".

Whatever you guys decide - GOOD LUCK!


Good - but please, do not move in with them. I actually believe SisterAct story - maybe a bit colorized, but as far as Polish mothers-in-law go, not far from the true...

That all depends on your agreement in the beginning.


One of many things that will irritate you to the bone. Poland is so incredibly different, and just not America that for most people, especially someone such as yourself that doesn't really want to live there (or at least didn't just dream up an idea to go live there forever....if you hadn't met your wife, Poland wouldn't even be an after thought....) they flat out have trouble dealing with Poland, the language, the way you will feel inconvenienced, the utter lack of sports...(I hope you really really really like soccer, volleybal and handball because you can kiss baseball, basketball, football, hockey goodbye, excluding internet type methods which gets old fast).....I mean....I could write a book because I lived there for 4 years and know what the adjustments are like.

Another huge huge problem I see for you is work. If you don't want to teach English....haha....well.....yyyyyeahhh........

It's not all doom and gloom but just to reiterate....I WANTED to live in Poland. You'd just be tagging along by default. And dude......once you pull the trigger on Poland with your wife....the only way you'll get out of there is a divorce.

feel free to PM me.

Exchange "Poland" for "America" and "America" for "Poland" and it could describe what jasondmzk's wife is probably going through...

of course. i'm experiencing it first hand, i brought my polish wife here, but the withdrawal for him will be different in some ways than what his wife is going through. partially because of country and partially because of guy vs. girl.

Proper wings, ribs and big juicy burgers. Very difficult to get good American style food in europe.

Theres a TGIs in Wroclow, isnt there?

Lets face it, that restaurant is garbage. A diner serving good American food would be a goldmine.

I've been told that if you can hang on for 6 months - Then you'll be fine.

We too are in a similar situation - My wife is Polish, I grew up here in California (although I speak Polish), and we have a 6-week-old boy. We are planning a move to southern Poland (Nowy Sacz) later this year or early next.

To make it work, I think it all depends on what are coming from and what you are going to. If you have no long-term plans, no savings, and moving into a 100-year-old apartment, then it will be difficult. But if you can make the trip with at least 1-years-worth in savings, find a nice place to live and a have a plan of action once you get there, then it can work and you may even like it.

In our case, we decided that we do not want to live the corporate grind that's here in the bay area. Although the money is good, life revolves around work, living expenses are high, no family nearby, and not much time left for our little one (who would probably have to go to private school here). So we set out to buy some land a few years back (not too big, not too small... about 1.2 acres) and we were lucky to find a beautiful spot in the hills overlooking the city. We are now completing our build of our new home (trying to make it as energy efficient as possible), just paid off our cars, and have some savings left over. After you cut out the big expenses, like a mortgage or car loan, then life is not so expensive there.

In terms of work, I hear ya with the teaching English thing - I could not make that work either. Nor could I ever work for a local company. But the internet has opened may doors... and if you couldn't find a job that you could work remotely for a U.S. company, then you could try your luck at something called affiliate marketing (try to build a few websites or blogs and earn from advertising). I've been doing it for a few years and once you get the hang of it and figure out which type of sites generate traffic, then the income can be really good.

Anyway, best of luck - I hope things work out for you.

what planet are you moving to where things are different?

the fact that you speak Polish and the OP does not already puts you in completely different situations.

I guess it depends on who you are. I moved from the UK and sure I miss a lot of things but it don't bother me in the slightest. Getting sports via the internet is a deal breaker...wow.

jasondmzk
maybe you should make a compromise with your wife, Germany has a lot of Americans, pay is good and its next to Poland. Failing that, Warsaw is the best place for expats.

Proper football you can get in every major city and small town in Poland. The American version is only played in America anyway, along with those other sports the Yanks invented for themselves as they're pretty useless at sports normal people play everywhere else in the world ;)

I don't give a happy horsecrap about sports, and it kinda weirds me out whenever they start doing that weird chant thing in the bars in Poland whenever a soccer game is on. That being said, America has more Olympic gold medals than all the other nations put together, so that last dig was about us being "useless" was just goofy. But anyways. My wife is in Wro with the kid, right now, and I'm holding down the fort, here in the U.S. until she gets back (she's been gone two days and there's already more dirty dishes than fits in the sink, how is that possible?) So, we were skyping, and I told her about this thread, more or less saying I was willing to make the big leap and make this noble sacrifice or whatever, and she's like, "oh, we don't HAVE to go to Poland, we just need to go somewhere." And so now she wants to maybe go to Colorado. COLORADO! All she ever talks about is home, and big cities, and being somewhere where she can walk down the street without being propositioned as a prostitute because prostitutes and homeless are the ONLY PEOPLE that walk in America or something. So, she looked up Colorado Springs or someone mentioned it, I dunno, but she's got it in her head that that's Shangri-La, now. My friend called it "Geographic Therapy". Man, I dunno, this whole thing sounds... uncertain. What the hell is in Colorado? Mountains? Wonderful, we'll hike. I think I preferred the idea of Poland, or at least, I had myself fooled into thinking I was gonna be a martyr and take one for the team, and now? Who the hell knows. Chicks are fickle. Peace.

Haha - looks like you won't be coming to South Africa then:) I must admit - I also miss being able to walk around so I understand her completely... What about San Francisco, LA, New York? Surely she would like that?

Looking at Colorado...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colorado_Springs,_Colorado
does not look bad at all...

I agree 100%...

I think you (Jason) should seriously look into moving to Poland at least for a while. I am sure it would be good for your wife's state of mind, not to mention a fantastic experience for you, regardless of the outcome.

I happen to be in the middle of getting ready for such a move... I am nervous but optimistic about it. I am starting my own business... If you like I can tell you more.

South Park? :D

Anyway, seriously, give it a go in Poland. America isn't going anywhere, if things don't work out in Poland you can move back. As you say, women are fickle but are us guys any different? She moved over there for you, why can't you give it a try in Poland?

Actually, I would highlight quite a few bits in her story that are almost exactly what I have also experienced.

That whole thing of the family falling upon her things and sharing them out ... is, I'm afraid, something that really does happen. Especially with the toys. Any objects that come into the family realm are seen eventually as booty to be divvyed up. And if Sister Act left them somewhere for months ... well, the excuse would be that she obviously didn't care about her things, and didn't need them, and therefore didn't deserve them.

The main point of her story is 110% true, though: Poland is cool if you have enough cash, great if you have more than most people, and particularly sh*t if you don't have enough.

So, Jasono: absolute bottom line: make sure you are totally financially covered, independent, and ok. And if your wife already refuses to tolerate your mother, make sure you have your own separate emergency cash reserve, in case things get worse. Sorry to be so blunt, but ... it is my honest advice.

Having said that, if you haven't tried it, you really must. You might love it.

I have no doubt her story is true... why should she lie about it...?

My sons girlfriend , who is Polish refuses ever to come back to Poland...

The reason...

She left her mother in sole charge of a flat she owned...the mother first rented it out , then later sold it and stole the money....

Sorry , but not all Poles are honest...


No problem...

You should know from all the stuff i have posted in the past , that i am not anti Polish ...I have many Polish friends here in Poland , and in the UK , my son has a Polish girlfriend....

I am always ready to defend Poland if somebody says something bad thats not true , and i am happy to shout out about all the great things in Poland....

But the sad truth is....

That among some Poles is this belief that in order to prosper you must take every oportunity to lie and decieve , and stab people in the back at every oportunity... I think its a mentality that comes from years of having to do whatever is needed to survive...

I have Polish friends i would trust with my life , and they are the most wonderfull people i have ever met....

But... it does not blind me to the fact there are those that are not quite so great...

We have such people in the UK too...

If she wants something different in the States, Chicago has a large expat Polish population and as big cities go it's about as good as it gets. But Huntsville sounds awfully nice when you throw in the weather. Colorado? I prefer the Western Slope (the best weather in Colorado) but you might find it a bit isolated (Grand Junction is halfway between Salt Lake and Denver). Though Denver aint bad as big cities go.

Interesting situation you are in. I couldn't live in Bama either....and I am from Canada. I could do NYC, Seattle and maybe San Fran---so I get where she is coming from. That said, I have been living in Poland for 8 years. I worked in design and then this past Sept. I opened my own place. It has taken off and people are receptive to the fact that I speak Polish with an accent and don't mind that my grammar is horrid.

Most of the time people can't believe I left Canada to live in Poland....even last week my chiropractor asked why I was living in Poland over Canada--I like Poland. It is a great place to live. Yes I get homesick and even last month I had decided that I wanted to move to Vancouver- I had had enough. But it passed and all is good again.

In order to live here and start your own business or whatever- you don't necessarily need to speak Polish if you are an expat. But you will need an assistant of some sort who is bilingual.

The American restaurant is a great idea- it would totally fly here. You just need a good idea that suits this population. Expecting something to be successful here just because it is American- will not work.

i'm sure that's certainly part of the problem. Alabama is awful.

What awesome place do you live, sir? I'm curious, from what glistening utopia could someone so rude reside.

He lives in a rather small village.

Jason, it looks like a case of your comfort vs. her comfort. The best idea might be to find some neutral place where you'd both be comfortable enough. Someone has already mentioned Germany, probably much easier to swallow for an American than Poland. You'd both have a chance to find a good job there. Think about it.

your words, not mine. odd you should take such offense to something you know to be mostly true.