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Advice on child support (Irish with my Polish husband)


landora - | 199
24 Aug 2013 #61
And presumably spend any money he might have on the move, right? That's a very smart suggestion. :-/
In the current economic climate the most one can do is try to keep the job they do have. Also, if he pays 350 PLN the ex-wife should pay the same, I think spending 700 PLN a month in total on a child under 10 is more than enough.

It doesn't work like that.
If they shared childcare 50-50, than yes, they should be spending an equal amount of money each. But here, because the ex wife is putting in hours actually spent on bringing up the child, he has to pay more money than her. I think anything less than 500zł a month is ridiculous.

Also, from what I can see, the ex wife was not "money crazy", as the OP put it, before they lowered the payment to 150zł per month, which is just insulting. Also, it's illegal, you can't just decide that from now on you're paying less without the court order.

The fact she lives with her parents is neither here nor there, none of the OP's business. Life in a village is not that much cheaper than in the city - you don't have Tesco there with own brands, village shops may be quite expensive. And the fact that the OP doesn't take her kids to the zoo, cinema or swiming pool is her own problem. As far as I'm concerned, if you can't afford children, you shouldn't have them.
DominicB - | 2,709
24 Aug 2013 #62
Some democrat eh???? get back to the USA and work with the underclasses there if you are so left wing.

I do a considerable amount of volunteer work with the underclass here in Poland, thank you. It takes up the bulk of my time.
kaz200972 2 | 229
24 Aug 2013 #63
Half of Ireland will, especially when work needs done on the farms.

No much use if he's in Dublin, travelling expenses will eat up the wages Doh????

I'm sure she's capable of finding a few pubs in one of the biggest cities in Ireland.

Well if she's rural that's not going to happen, see above plus who's going to take care of the children while she works and he's doing extra on 'the farm'!

As for him, I've already explained it - get the two certificates needed and you can be on a helicopter by the end of the week

and where does he get the time and money to study for the certificates!

The ones from Shropshire wouldn't be lining up for them for one reason - we all know the British mentality of preferring to sit around on the dole rather than actually working.

You arrogant ******, you boast openly on here about your short working hours!!
How dare you say that all British people have that mentality, there are some wasters just as there are in Poland, India, USA and quite a few other countries but there are many men and women who walk the streets looking for work every day.

A lot of the problems can also be laid on the Labour government who made it quite uneconomic to work in certain certain circumstances but people still try to work.

You have no idea what real life is like, try telling that crap to some of the kids I work with. We now have social problems that will take generations to solve but many British people still do their best!

What do you do, **** off to Poland and have it cushdi!!! You are a f-----king disgrace gobbing off like that!
You know **** and I sincerely hope you never have children!
You have contributed nothing of any value to this thread, just bullied a woman who's trying to solve a mess.
I can't see you being told whether or not you can have kids, you don't seem to care about what the mother is doing to her kid with the mind games! Both parties have made mistakes but your contribution isn't helping.

You might think you own the forum but you don't and rules apply to you too!
Get yourself down Telford and sprout your vile rubbish to both the Poles and Brits here and see if you get of the floor in under 10 mins!

Easy to be a bully in cyber space not so easy in poor areas of any country.
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delphiandomine 88 | 18,454
24 Aug 2013 #64
Could you perhaps consider washing your mouth out before posting foul-mouthed rants on here, please?

Anyway, where there's a will, there's a way. If he can only find 32/33 hours a week at the most in Ireland, then he should go to where the money is. I know someone who earns a decent yearly wage by working like crazy in bars during the skiing season, grape picking in summer in France and a few other things. It involves moving around, but he's saved up a hell of a lot of cash that way.

The real issue is that we know exactly what kind of man he is - cutting child maintenance to spite an 8 year old child is immature and pathetic.
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,872
24 Aug 2013 #65
"A lot of the problems can also be laid on the Labour government who made it quite uneconomic to work in certain certain circumstances but people still try to work."

well said Kaz, but i would say ALL of the problems were down to those wily Scots in the last "labour" gov't.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
24 Aug 2013 #66
I know someone who earns a decent yearly wage by working like crazy in bars during the skiing season, grape picking in summer in France and a few other things. It involves moving around, but he's saved up a hell of a lot of cash that way.

You seem to have a lot of mysterious "friends". And this one - is he single and childless by any chance?

Stop lecturing people you know nothing about on the ways they should change their lives of which you know exactly nothing about. If the ex-wife in Poland is so worried about her child's welfare, she could also do extra work or move out of her parents' house and go to the big city yada yada yada. What I suspect though is that she is sitting pretty, no bills or rent to pay, free childcare (courtesy of grandpa and grandma / other relatives) plus she works in the family-owned shop. So I doubt the family is of the poorest. I am sorry, but just sitting on your backside and harassing your ex for money while cutting off contact (in disregard of a valid court ruling mind you) and setting the child against the father is not the proper way to go about things. We have not a lot of details to go on, but even from what we know it is obvious that the father in Ireland is struggling a lot more (for whatever reasons) than the mother in PL.
delphiandomine 88 | 18,454
24 Aug 2013 #67
You seem to have a lot of mysterious "friends". And this one - is he single and childless by any chance?

Not really - just plenty of friends gathered along the way. I've lived in three completely different places, so a wide social circle is somewhat normal :)

Yes, of course he is - but the point is that he's doing what he has to do to survive. If he can't find enough work in Limerick, then he has to go to where the work is - he can't sit there in front of the TV complaining about how he can't afford to pay child support if he can't even be bothered to find the work in the first place. Warszawski put it best - he has a village attitude, and with it, he's bringing the village to Ireland.

If the ex-wife in Poland is so worried about her child's welfare, she could also do extra work or move out of her parents' house and go to the big city yada yada yada.

Is it really unrealistic for her to get 15% of his income, bearing in mind that the figure that the UK uses is exactly that?

Bear in mind that he doesn't have to pay for any of the child care costs/etc.

What I suspect though is that she is sitting pretty, no bills or rent to pay, free childcare (courtesy of grandpa and grandma / other relatives) plus she works in the family-owned shop. So I doubt the family is of the poorest.

Do you think that a shop in a village would really be that profitable? I've never seen a nice shop in a village yet - and certainly not one that could be called incredibly profitable.

I am sorry, but just sitting on your backside and harassing your ex for money while cutting off contact (in disregard of a valid court ruling mind you) and setting the child against the father is not the proper way to go about things. We have not a lot of details to go on, but even from what we know it is obvious that the father in Ireland is struggling a lot more (for whatever reasons) than the mother in PL.

Remember, she was humiliated on several occasions by the husband, and the husband cut off the child's money because he was angry at the child. Can you really blame her for going for blood in these circumstances?
DominicB - | 2,709
24 Aug 2013 #68
Can you really blame her for going for blood in these circumstances?

She's not going for blood. 1000 PLN is entirely reasonable, considering that she has to do all the work of parenting by herself.
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,872
24 Aug 2013 #69
I know someone who earns a decent yearly wage by working like crazy in bars during the skiing season, grape picking in summer in France and a few other things.

a great life for a single person in their 20s or 30s, not with a family
delphiandomine 88 | 18,454
24 Aug 2013 #70
Absolutely, but if he's in such a difficult position (not much work for either of them in Limerick, no hope of getting anything extra) - then wouldn't it be better to make sure that he's got money coming in?

The man is responsible for 4 kids - he's got to get off his arse and do something about it.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
24 Aug 2013 #71
she has to do all the work of parenting by herself.

And who sets the child against the father? Who doesn't allow the father access to the child? In an ideal world, the father could take his son for holidays or participate in other ways in his upbringing. I must say I kind of see where the father is going with lowering the amount he pays. If the mother pretty much acts as if the child wasn't his (denying access / poisoning the son's mind), how can she expect the father to simply sit there and take it? If I were in a similar situation, I would probably consider decreasing payments just to get the mother's attention. If you want child support, let there be a child for the father to support. She doesn't even want the kid to call his father "dad" for chrissakes.

Remember, she was humiliated on several occasions by the husband,

When and how?

and the husband cut off the child's money because he was angry at the child

No, he was angry at the mother for doing everything to make his own child hate him.

Do you think that a shop in a village would really be that profitable? I've never seen a nice shop in a village yet - and certainly not one that could be called incredibly profitable.

I never said incredibly profitable - I said not of the poorest. It so happens I have friends who live in the country (not rich people from a city who just moved there) and I can assure you that living in a village is not that financially demanding. Most of the food you eat comes from your own or a nearby farm. Lots of things are traded by barter. Strictly financial outlays are few and far between.
DominicB - | 2,709
24 Aug 2013 #72
just to get the mother's attention.

Well. he got her attention. And the judge's as well. Do you seriously think that the court is going to buy his BS story? He really shot himself in the foot reneging on such a favorable deal. Now he'll have to pay the piper for his smart*ass shenannigans.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
24 Aug 2013 #73
Well. he got her attention. And the judge's as well.

The judge will be definitely interested in the fact that she has been denying him access and turning the child against him.
4 eigner 2 | 831
24 Aug 2013 #74
You're right, she wants his money, let him be a father and take care of his child.
landora - | 199
24 Aug 2013 #75
If you want child support, let there be a child for the father to support. She doesn't even want the kid to call his father "dad" for chrissakes.

You don't know if it's true, that's merely what the OP is claiming. I would be upset if my father left us and started a new family - and I probably would not want to stay in touch much. And I'm 31, not 8. My cousin calls her mother "pani", she's so upset about her leaving. My cousin was 7 when her mother left, now she's 20 - she still hasn't forgiven her.

If father wanted the contact so much, he would have fought for it, instead he just cut the payment. If you really want to see your child, you don't move to another country, you stay close so that you can see your kid - if it's more important to you than a new relationship. You go to the court and fight, if the mother is denying access. Cutting the money doesn't achieve anything and is completely illogical.

No, he was angry at the mother for doing everything to make his own child hate him.

Very much depends on a village. Some villages are really poor. Others are only villages by name, in reality most of the people there work in the cities. It depends in which part of Poland it is.

I doubt if she had to make the child hate him, he left the mother and the kid and started a new family, of course the child is upset, who wouldn't be?? The OP said they cut the money because this abandoned 8 year old was cold towards his father. My God...
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
24 Aug 2013 #76
My God...

I suggest you read the OP's posts, starting with the first one, all over again. Very carefully. It seems you have gotten a bit lost in the sequence of events.
landora - | 199
24 Aug 2013 #77
I have, but thank you so much for your concern.
gumishu 12 | 6,007
24 Aug 2013 #78
this poor woman"
oh please this 'poor woman' wants her husband's child to live in poverty and considers him having normal kid stuff like swimming as 'obscene luxury'.

swimming is luxury for most kids in Poland - certainly it is for my nephew whose parents can just afford some two cinema trips a year for their child
delphiandomine 88 | 18,454
24 Aug 2013 #79
Swimming is hardly a luxury. My local swimming pool costs 6zl for children and 9zl for adults - not exactly an expensive luxury. All the schools nearby have swimming lessons weekly too, and this isn't a wealthy area as such.
DominicB - | 2,709
24 Aug 2013 #80
certainly it is for my nephew whose parents can just afford some two cinema trips a year for their child

And moldy bread is a luxury for children for Biafra. Your point?
Nile 1 | 154
24 Aug 2013 #81
Look, I have never said we wanted to stop paying child support, I wanted advice on what is reasonable.

A wrong forum to ask for advice. Try here: justanswer.com/family-law/4ii0e-husband-pays-child-support-mhis-daughter-poland.html
kaz200972 2 | 229
25 Aug 2013 #82
Could you perhaps consider washing your mouth out before posting foul-mouthed rants on here, please?

Would you consider engaging your brain before hitting the keyboard???
You don't seem to object to Dominic B using a very nasty bit of Anglo Saxon against the OP, yet more double standards on your behalf.

You have offered no constructive advice to the OP, just come up with totally impractical suggestions as to how they might earn money. It's obvious that the husband cannot just up and off round Europe grape picking, that won't feed any of the 4 kids and it will just make it more difficult for the OP to work.

Can't you understand that there are difficulties in obtaining extra work and also child care for the OP's children, it's not exactly rocket science, are you being deliberately obtuse???

You appear to be using this thread to bully some woman who is merely trying to work out how to resolve a very difficult situation, if you have issues with the Irish or with women , sort it out yourself, don't bully someone who seems fairly sincere in her wish to sort her problems and has had the guts to admit she and her husband have made mistakes!

We have no reason to doubt her version of events,she need not have admitted to any of their mistakes.
No doubt the Polish woman feels aggrieved that her ex has remarried but that is no excuse for her to mess her son's head up and alienate him from his father, she's the one who's using the child as a pawn!! At least be be consistent in your criticisms and see that all parties are guilty of some inadvisable behaviour.

You have chosen to twist everything the OP has written for your own purposes, whatever they may be? Makes you feel like a 'big man' to bully people and dictate how they should live,does it?

You need to grow up and leave that narrow little life of yours and maybe you would understand that Polish woman are not always poor little victims nor are non Poles all evil. You also need to learn that just because someone isn't earning a mint in a cushy job does not automatically make them lazy or feckless.

As for writing off the population of Shropshire/Britain as layabouts who don't want to work, you are talking out off your anus, there are very many fine people in both county and country who actually contribute to society.Maybe you are so rude about Britain because you failed to achieve anything here?

I do a considerable amount of volunteer work with the underclass here in Poland, thank you. It takes up the bulk of my time.

Well if this is true it's a pity you seemed to have learned nothing from it, people are fallible, Poles included.
Meathead 5 | 473
25 Aug 2013 #83
people are fallible,

very true and something we learn the older we get.
skrud
25 Aug 2013 #84
cailinbeag wrote:
"When we returned to Ireland, we put our finances together and decided that we cant afford the 350zl anymore so now we pay her 150zl since may..we have received a court letter now saying she wants an increase to 1000zl per month"

Just an advice , "you" decided to change child support amount - bad , very bad move , it isnt your decision to make in the first place , it is up to the judge to decide whether to reduce the amount or not , and most likely your husband fell in arreas which will not likely be forgiven and he will have pay it all back .

She wants 1000 pln /mo , maybe so ...she may want 5000pln /mo , maybe so but the bottom line is that only judge in Family Court can decide the amount and that amount is usually based on paying parent income , if by any chance your hubby is purposely staying underemployed or unemployed to avoid paying CS , judge may slap him with higher amount and tell him to get a job or 2or3 ....

His responsibility is to pay and support his child , it is not of either of your business how childs mother spends CS money , unless there is child neglect and as a result child is not clothed or goes hungry or ...

Good luck and start paying the 350pln !!!
poland_
26 Aug 2013 #85
it hasn't been easy at times to find the money , though luckily i always did.

The OP's husband used money as emotional blackmail on his return to Ireland, from reading your post Kaz200972 you are far too sensible to ever not pay your contributions out of spite as you understand the consequences. I do not condone the personal attacks on the OP by some members of PF, although I have absolutely no sympathy for the OP's husband, on the flip the OP gets my sympathy vote as love can be blind, especially in circumstances of out of sight,out of mind...
kaz200972 2 | 229
26 Aug 2013 #86
from reading your post Kaz200972 you are far too sensible to ever not pay your contributions out of spite as you understand the consequences.

To be fair it is much easier for me than the OP, good job and lovely big extended family to help with child care so I could always support my children, the hard time was putting the older kids through university while paying child support for the twins. Plus the situation only lasted four years, they are back with me permanently as of Wednesday!!! :):):):)

on the flip the OP gets my sympathy vote as love can be blind, especially in circumstances of out of sight,out of mind...

Yes I tend to agree because she's in an awful position and only the two Poles know the real story. If she really loves this man she must be in an absolute turmoil! I sort of have a little sympathy for the man because it was apparently a forced first wedding and it must be hell away from his child, I hated it when the boys go back to their Dad's for 4 nights a week!! but the boys did have a right to sort the residency their own way.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
26 Aug 2013 #87
- I know one guy in Ireland who is forever employing moonlighters on 5 euro an hour to get things moved/etc.

Hmmm. I doubt this very much.

Tell him to get the original copy of his sons birth cert. Go down to the welfare shop. Make a claim for child benefit in his sons name. 130 euro per month. Doesnt matter if the kids non resident, once the father lives here. If you get some dogooder ould wan processing your claim she may backdate it. Throw in a crisp one hundred euro note per month and there is your 1, 000 zloty.
delphiandomine 88 | 18,454
26 Aug 2013 #88
and only the two Poles know the real story.

And this is why I see no reason to be sympathetic towards him. He's left his child behind, he rubbed his new wife in his ex's face, he can't even be bothered to pay a trivial amount by Western standards - the guy is clearly not innocent here.

The OP is guilty of naivety, nothing else.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
26 Aug 2013 #89
If you make a late claim for Child Benefit and can prove that you had a good reason for making a late claim, your Child Benefit can be backdated to the time you became entitled to the payment regardless of when you became entitled to the payment.

citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/irish_social_welfare_system/claiming_a_social_welfare_payment/making_a_late_claim.html

There you go. Tell them that you didnt realise that it could be paid out for a non resident child. Eight years child benefit or however long the deadbeat was inIreland for. A nice chunk of change.

Ching, ching. Get those champers flutes out. Chink, chink.
poland_
26 Aug 2013 #90
Plus the situation only lasted four years, they are back with me permanently as of Wednesday!!! :):):):)

All you Kaz200872, respect for sticking in there.


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