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Do I need to be Confirmed in order to get married in the Catholic church in Poland?


PEG81
5 Feb 2015 #31
Thanks for the information Dominic and Harry.

Dominic, you said "Poland, many priests require a "report card" with stamps that you attended mass every Sunday, as well as all sessions of the pre-Cana course. " (on a different note, how do you highlight text from previous replies?) When I was living in the UK, I didn't attend mass regularly. I have started more recently, but haven't really got a "local" church from which I could get a "report card". Is there any way around this, assuming I get a strict priest?

Also, one thing I forgot to ask about in my first post was whether or not the Best Man needs to be catholic? My partner seems to think that this is a requirement. I had considered asking my brother; however, whilst he might identify himself as a catholic if he had to chose a religion, he isn't actually religious and doesn't believe in God etc. He has been baptised (I think) but I'm not sure if he has had first communion/confirmation. Would any of this be a problem?
gosc112
5 Feb 2015 #32
If possible get a Polish best man. He may be a good negotiating partner with the priest. I find in Poland that sometimes a strong personality that knows the ropes can get things done quickly.
DominicB - | 2,709
5 Feb 2015 #33
Is there any way around this, assuming I get a strict priest?

You would need a glowing letter from the pastor of the parish which you currently attend, stating that you attend regularly, contribute your fair share and actively participate in parish activities. Notify your pastor now of your intention to marry inside the Church so that he at least knows who you are.

As for the best man, that also comes down to the discretion of the priest. Some will insist that he be a Catholic in good standing, while others won't. Check with your fiancee's pastor to make sure.

Really, your fiancee should have a thorough discussion with her pastor about all this NOW.
JollyRomek 7 | 481
5 Feb 2015 #34
especially when cold hard cash is offered in abundance.

One of my friends got married the weekend before last. As she was already living with her fiancee, she had two choices: Lie to the priest about it or pay 100 zlotych for his forgiveness. She chose to save the cash.
Harry
5 Feb 2015 #35
Dominic, you said "Poland, many priests require a "report card" with stamps that you attended mass every Sunday.

It is perfectly possible to get married in a Catholic church in Poland as an atheist; I've been to a couple of weddings where one of the happy couple were atheists.

Is there any way around this, assuming I get a strict priest?

Get another priest; or make a more generous donation to the 'widows and orphans fund'.

Again, in the somewhat unlikely event that that presents a problem, your choices are either that he lies, or you find a new priest or you make a generous donation to the 'choirboys summer holiday fund'.

You would need a glowing letter from the pastor of the parish which you currently attend, stating that you attend regularly, contribute your fair share and actively participate in parish activities.

No, that is not needed. A few priests might insist on such a letter but very few will actually check up on that letter; and the majority of those who do would most probably forget about it if the right donation were to be made to the 'communion wine fund'.
DominicB - | 2,709
5 Feb 2015 #36
It is perfectly possible to get married in a Catholic church in Poland as an atheist; I've been to a couple of weddings where one of the happy couple were atheists.

That has nothing whatsoever to do with this case. Nor is it as easy to do as you seem to think, as it requires dispensation from the Bishop, meaning extra hoops to jump through.

Get another priest;

Not an option if she wishes to get married in her home parish.They have to deal with her pastor on his terms. And he has to follow the rules of his bishop. Also, bribes don't always work.

Again, in the somewhat unlikely event that that presents a problem, your choices are either that he lies, or you find a new priest or you make a generous donation to the 'choirboys summer holiday fund'.

It's quite likely, especially in a sacramental marriage between two Catholics, in which the witnesses are supposed to represent the faithful of the Church. Nor will lying do any good. He will probably also have to provide a letter from his pastor, as well.

No, that is not needed. A few priests might insist on such a letter but very few will actually check up on that letter; and the majority of those who do would most probably forget about it if the right donation were to be made to the 'communion wine fund'.

The only thing that matters is what the pastor of the church they will be getting married in requires, and between Catholics, this type of letter is the rule, rather than the exception. Again, bribery does not always work, and might backfire, which means that they will have to find another parish in which to get married, which will require an explanation.

This is her pastor's game and she has no choice but to play by his rules. He is not obligated to marry them if they do not fulfill his requirements.

This isn't some protestant or civil marriage where anything goes.
Harry
5 Feb 2015 #37
The point is that if it's perfectly possible for atheists to have a marriage here in a Catholic church, it is not a problem (in some, or even most, parishes) for a somewhat lapsed Catholic to have a marriage here in a Catholic church.

Also, bribes don't always work.

Not always, but certainly most of the time (I've certainly never heard of one being permanently rejected).

It's quite likely, especially in a sacramental marriage between two Catholics, in which the witnesses are supposed to represent the faithful of the Church.

Practice in Poland shows that it is not very likely; I personally know somewhat lapsed Catholics, entirely lapsed Catholics and committed atheists who have all been witnesses at weddings (and baptisms).

This isn't some protestant or civil marriage where anything goes.

Actually the requirements for civil marriage here are a lot stricter than for Catholic marriage, and they can't be bribed around either (well, it theory in some places it might be possible, but I expect it would be vastly more expensive).
DominicB - | 2,709
5 Feb 2015 #38
The point is that if it's perfectly possible for atheists to have a marriage here in a Catholic church

No. It is not possible for two non-Catholics to get married in a Catholic church, no matter how much tehy pay the priest. A Catholic in good standing may marry a non-Catholic, but regardless of what bs you've been told, it sure ain't "easy", and it requires permission from the bishop, as well as the pastor.

From the point of view of the one party, it is actually a lot more difficult for a Catholic, lapsed or not, to marry in the church than an atheist. An atheist has no obligations toward the church; the other party takes on all responsibility. A Catholic, lapsed or not, has to play by the rules.

As for a Church wedding being easier than a civil ceremony, that is complete bollocks, because, in Poland, EVERY church wedding involves both civil and religious marriage, so it has to fulfill the requirements of both the Church and the state. And the requirements for a church marriage are MUCH more onerous than those for a civil marriage, by far. It is impossible to have a church marriage in Poland without having a civil marriage at the same time.
PEG81
27 Mar 2015 #39
Merged: Baptised in C of E Church but brought up a Catholic - can I get married in Catholic church?

Hi everyone,

I am planning on getting married next year in Poland. I am English and my bride-to-be is Polish. We plan on getting married in a Catholic church as we are both Catholics.

However, I just found out that there might be a small problem. For various reasons (mainly that there wasn't a nearby Catholic church) I was baptised in a Church of England church, despite the fact that my mother was Catholic and raised me as such (my father was an atheist). I had my first communion in a Catholic church and have always considered myself to be Catholic.

Anyway, I will need to be confirmed in a Catholic church in Poland, as well as having the wedding over here. Would the fact that I haven't been baptised in a Catholic church be a problem? Apparently my sister was baptised in the same church before later having her first communion, confirmation and wedding in a Catholic church, but this was all in England - I was wondering whether things may be more strict in Poland?

Thanks in advance for any help!
Vox - | 175
27 Mar 2015 #40
Yes you can.
DominicB - | 2,709
27 Mar 2015 #41
I am planning on getting married next year in Poland.

Have you thought about having the actual sacramental marriage done in the UK, perhaps in private, followed up by a public blessing ceremony in Poland for friends and family, which looks practically the same as a wedding ceremony?

A pastor in the UK is far less likely to pull silly shenanigans than a pastor in Poland, where many pastors act like little dictators. A pastor in Poland can pull all kinds of nasty stunts that can ruin your wedding, but there is little they can do if asked to bless an already-existing Catholic marriage.

Your friends and family don't have to be any the wiser. The blessing ceremony can be tailored to look like the "real" marriage ceremony.

Your baptismal certificate from the Anglican church is valid in the Catholic Church as well, but that has to be approved by your bishop so that it can be recorded, who should provide you with a document saying as much that you can present to the priest. This is done routinely and without any hassle in the UK. Expect a little more hassle in Poland.

Also, if you plan on getting married in Poland, a letter in Polish from a Polish priest living in the UK effusively attesting to your good standing and regular participation as a Catholic there would be a great help, especially if he is a pastor. Even better if he is your pastor. If you can score one from a bishop, all the better.

I have had two Polish friends whose weddings were ruined by ruthless Polish pastors, hence the caution.


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