Nature of Poles - the relationship of Polish families

What is the relationship of Polish families? I've heard my grandfather was not so nice to my grandmother - probably an abuser. I also know that my family members were not particularly fond of or close to each other and it seems they were very secretive and clannish. Is being secretive or clannish just a trait of Polish people in general? I know from US census records my great grandparents and grandparents moved a lot ... I have been known to move around a lot, too!

No. It's individual trait of abused families. It means that something bad happened in your family and no one want to speak about it loudly.

I am a Polish, no one in my family had been from anywhere else really (eventually now one is ... :) ) ... and we didn't have such issues. My grandparents were the best of people, and the warmth they shared was legendary. My grandmother was a strong lady of great wisdom, who held her family on the highest priority on the most difficult days for us, and Poland.

My grandfather had a brother who died in the WW2. He wept for him till his last day. That is how much love he had for him, and his father aswell. He loved my grandmother so much, that it is a lesson for our family - its men and women, even today.

My father, my mother ... are two people who I had only the good fortune to see while growing up. Two very balanced and cooperative people, who loved each other regardless of the economy, hardships - and never faltered in our best of days from their simple ways of living.

My cousins (children of my grandfather's brothers and even one from his cousin!), my sisters (and their husbands and children), my parents, the inlaws of my cousins and sisters, my inlaws, my wife ... we still are very very VERY much in contact, and Christmasses are nothing but a packed house always :)

I am not saying these things to boast or anything. All I am trying to put to you is that your concept of Poland is not necessarily correct about all the families. We still have many warm and traditional families with value and family far far MUCH above ... than any other thing such as income or consumption or luxuries or any other materialistic thing. We could preserve it by a priority basis, and through passing on values from HOME (a very important foundation for any society).

Such families are many (e.g. the family of one of my sister got married to). But unfortunately the bad influence of western lifestyle (which I personally believe comes from television and some hollywood movies) puts a very negative impact.

Again, in weak moments some people falter ... and they attempt to ruin the fabric of a family. Such people need to be quarantined till the time they realize and want to come back! When they wish to join in - the doors are always lovingly open, and we should support them. However, with our values intact. This is how families survive, this is what I have learnt.

Don't let yourself down due to the bad record of some of your ancestors. You can actually start your own family in a very traditional Polish way :) ... and enjoy the benefits! LOADS of benefits (eventually economically too ... wonderful support!). But, economy can never be the first priority before VALUES AND FAMILY!

There's a lot of stuff on this forum about Polish life (relationships, marriage; every day life, etc.).
Look it up on old threads, that will reveal a lot.

we are a tight net family

Lodz - very informative post! It could be that my Olkowski grandfather was abusive and the rest of the family ok. And they were not a close family either.

I know they sure moved around a lot! In some research I've done since first posting this, they were all over the place in Buffalo's Polonia neighborhood. I got curious and went on Google maps and looked up addresses - printed the maps and also some of the houses - some now vacant lots.

I have found that at one point, the Olkowski family and Rombkowski family lived right down the street from each other and there seems to be a lot of intertwining and/or living at the same addresses between the two families, but have not yet gotten into the "detailed" research of all that. It may make a difference in learning info about who married whom by how closely they lived together from one time to another.

Maybe you got a Crypto- and Self-Loathing-Jewish family. I know what of I speak.