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First Dates with a Polish guy who grew up in France


JaynGarrick 10 | 16
30 Nov 2011 #1
Went on a date with someone wonderful. He's Polish but grew up in France. I'm American. We split the bill,which is absolutely fine by me, but I understood previously that Polish men are still very old school about stuff like that, so I didn't know if it was a date at that point. He did walk me home, and when we parted ways he kissed me on the cheek and left, although I thought we were hitting it off. Again, American culture, I have no issues kissing on the first date, but I wasn't sure if that was his way of saying "Well, that was nice, but I'm not that interested." or if he was just being Polish. Or maybe I'm just terribly American?? I have no idea.

Some background-- the way we met and the way we've interacted has been on the more "attracted-to-you" side, but hasn'tquite reached romantic yet(ie. a date with no kissing). Body language is "interested"-- and I think I'm quite good at reading body language, except now it's crossing over cultures, so I'm second guessing myself and I'd really rather not make a move on someone who just wants to be my friend-- I'm always down to make more friends.
skysoulmate 14 | 1,297
30 Nov 2011 #2
"...or if he was just being Polish..."

Really??
Jayn - do all American women act the same way just because they're from America? That's certainly not what I've seen so far. Some are old school and others aren't. Why would Polish men be any different?? Don't think of him as "Polish", he's a guy, maybe he's shy, maybe he's not interested, maybe he's engaged or even married? Or maybe he's confused? Either way, he's just a guy. That's it. Good luck to you, hope things work out.
FlaglessPole 4 | 669
30 Nov 2011 #3
the key words are

grew up in France

which isn't that relevent anyway. As sky said he's just a guy with his own unique personality, or does it say 'Made in Poland' over the barcode behind his left ear..?
pip 10 | 1,661
30 Nov 2011 #4
don't rake her over the coals. I agree that culture and cultural upbringing have direct influence with somebodies behaviour. Growing up in France, being Polish, being American are all relevant- it defines who we are as people.

my advice to you - woman to woman- take it slow just kind of go with it. don't pick every detail apart. Perhaps he is just as nervous or uncertain as you are.
OP JaynGarrick 10 | 16
30 Nov 2011 #5
Thanks, Pip, for the advice and for defending me.

For Something's-Sake, guys, of course all American women aren't the same, and I don't expect Polish men to be shaped by the Great Polish Men Cookie Cutter, but like Pip said there are certain behaviours and ideas prominent in certain cultures. I'm very very aware of that, given my mixed-minority ethnicity, the many-cultured environments I was raised in, and my study of culture at university. Don't get so damn defensive.

The culture that had most influence on my identity was American culture, and that's really ******* broad; it's highly-concentrated on the individual, despite pop culture conformity, and the dating culture that I adapted was one of pretty open expression of affection, except I'm also shy. Like I said before, I'm good at reading body language, but there is a cultural difference between the way Europeans express themselves, physically, and Americans do, in their social interactions, and then certain customs (like perhaps, oh I don't know, kissing someone once on the cheek every time you meet them, or kissing them two or three times on the cheek, depending on what part of the world you come from) that might be more Central European, more Polish, or more individual. I DON'T KNOW what's more cultural or more individual here, and I'm not at all familiar with Polish culture, even after living here for two months. So forgive me for asking a question.

Grumpy today, aren't we? The sun will come back eventually, guys.
skysoulmate 14 | 1,297
30 Nov 2011 #6
Today, 12:13
don't rake her over the coals. I agree that culture and cultural upbringing have direct influence with somebodies behaviour. Growing up in France, being Polish, being American are all relevant- it defines who we are as people.
my advice to you - woman to woman- take it slow just kind of go with it. don't pick every detail apart. Perhaps he is just as nervous or uncertain as you are.

Fair enough, although please note that I also respond to those who make comments about women being certain way just because they're "Polish". I felt that in fairness to us men I should make a similar analogy. Men, just like women can be different even if they all come from the same village, city or a country. Enough about that.

Good luck to her and no, not grumpy today, just trying to be fair to both genders here.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
30 Nov 2011 #7
Ask him out again.

Maybe hes shy, make the first move.
OP JaynGarrick 10 | 16
30 Nov 2011 #9
Oh, I definitely will be asking him out again, as soon as he gets back from his holiday.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
30 Nov 2011 #10
Bring him out for a beer.

Buy a packet of condoms and strategically plant them somewhere in your handbag.

Go to the bathroom, leave the handbag and make sure he has a clear view of the rubbers.

Suggest going back to your place as you have a really nice bottle of wine chilling.

Job done.
hythorn 3 | 580
30 Nov 2011 #11
what no questionnaire to ascertain the ethnic background of his blood relatives?
OP JaynGarrick 10 | 16
30 Nov 2011 #12
That's right, I totally think that blood and genetics determine the individual's culture. And with my Filipino, German, Malagasy, French and Irish genetic background, I'm surprised I haven't exploded. Oh wait, I think I feel something, now that you've brought to light my inherent racism. It's simply too much. Oh, god, help me, I cannot bear it anymore.
Wroclaw Boy
30 Nov 2011 #13
Job done.

Yeah, with im a slapper written all over it. Man thats some bad advice.
southern 75 | 7,096
30 Nov 2011 #14
but there is a cultural difference between the way Europeans express themselves, physically, and Americans do,

Not all Europeans are the same regardless of what they may think in the other side of the Atlantic.
OP JaynGarrick 10 | 16
30 Nov 2011 #15
Oy, I never said they all think or do the same thing-- I just don't know what's a cultural norm here, people. In some places, ie. China, where I used to live, dating was taken very seriously-- and NATURALLY you had people who didn't take it seriously, but if I don't know anything about a person and I'm on a first date, I want to know what might be the cultural norm for that person, or maybe as it's been pointed out-- that perhaps there IS no cultural norm for and it is entirely individual. Thank you for letting me know. Not every place is entirely individually minded, some places identity is placed more on units-- either nationally, or in smaller units (families or villages). And still, no collective of people is entirely the same in every aspect. I wish the racists who beat me up a year ago believed that. Its something I knew long before I posted, because I'm a shining ******* example of "everybody's different", but I also know that culture shapes our perspectives (thank you, anthropology studies). But you have to consider other perspectives and cultures, which is why I asked.

Jeezy creezy you people are just looking for reasons to get upset today, aren't you?
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387
30 Nov 2011 #16
I have no idea.

it will all become clear on the second date.
Wroclaw Boy
30 Nov 2011 #17
Just keep looking at him in a nice way, let him know your interested without actually saying anything. If he doesn't get the message after that hes not going to. Dont go snogging him or anything like that. Juts flirt, isnt that what women do best? Isnt that part of their genetic make up?
Sidliste_Chodov 1 | 441
30 Nov 2011 #18
Yeah, with im a slapper written all over it. Man thats some bad advice.

#

OMG lol, compared to the women I've dated from up North, that's almost "priestly" advice - they don't even bother with the bit about condoms haha :D
OP JaynGarrick 10 | 16
30 Nov 2011 #19
"

Juts flirt, isnt that what women do best? Isnt that part of their genetic make up?

Hahaha, of course it is. Just like having a natural inclination and inescapable fate of ending up barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen as she's making sandwiches for her man.

I am the awkwardest of turtles, so I couldn't flirt my way out of a paper bag, but I'll just keep, as you say, letting him know without saying anything. I'll try to resist snogging him first, I suppose.
Orchid 1 | 7
2 Dec 2011 #20
We have the opposite experience. Im not okay kissing on first date, and the polish guy I just met did kiss me on our first meeting and our first official date. I hate to admit this, but I guess with the right person, all those rules disappears. It was kinda nice.. :)
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
2 Dec 2011 #21
I am the awkwardest of turtles, so I couldn't flirt my way out of a paper bag, but I'll just keep, as you say, letting him know without saying anything. I'll try to resist snogging him first, I suppose.

Did it ever occur to you that this bloke might be feeling the same way?

Asking his wee Call of Duty online pals for advice, wanting to make a move but he just clams up. Trying to gain the courage to call you!

He agreed to go out with you, ergo, he likes something about you.

If you go out again, remember that.

Why am I giving you advice, I havent got laid in three weeks! Hahaha.


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