Fell in love with a Polish girl, but find it difficult to approach her

Ken, there is what is on your inside and there is what you show to a woman, especially if you are trying to woo her. These are very different things. You need to show confidence and a bit of interest but not too much. Even for a while after you start going out with her you need to contain your emotions a bit and not be too heavy with your feelings.

None of this is easy but it comes with practice. I found that the best way to behave this way is to go after more than one girl at a time. That way, you show less emotion, you are busier and thus less inpatient with any particular outcome and you are lighter with your feelings. Sometimes this strategy is so successful you end up getting all the girls. Anyway, as I explained to you in the past, it is all a sales game. You have to start with a certain number of prospects, make your move, whittle them down, and so on. Thus you need to be involved in some activity where you get the traffic. Otherwise it will take you ages before you get the confidence which that other bloke possessed when he chatted up your Polish girl... get the practice and next it is your prey.

It is possible to say that me or southern are pratts and lots of other names. Unfortunately, life does not follow the laws of holywood. Getting yourself a girls, is nothing more than a practical subject that requires some experience. Believe me when we all started we were as bad or worse than you. Practice makes perfect. And for her, your next girlfriend, when you fillany woo her, it will all happen so naturally she will think you are a natural!

Book yourself into same dance classes, that is my recommendation.


Getting a lasting relationship is a subset of getting any relationship. In other words, if you end up with 2 or 3 relationships then perhaps one of these could be a lasting relationship, perhaps even true love for both of you. So again go after people you really fancy and then you have a chance, after a while, to get there. On the way there will be a bit of a trail of wreckage, but hey, not possible to make omelette with out breaking some eggs.

You also need to be "her type"

(Where's the rolleyes smiley when you need 'em..)

look buddy... you like the chick and that old wall of fear shows his head? let me let you in a little secret; go straight up to her, look her in the eye, a little smile, then like a magician, pull out two tickets to a show. thats it buddy. but now, you have to ask yourself that one crusial question, how bad do you want it? thats it buddy! go do it. remember, its a numbers game with women, for every no there's a yes. I've never had a woman pull me over on a freeway and ask me out. I've always had to lay it on the line. they love that confidence...

I've moved on


I'm shy, not stupid, I can see she is not interested. It hurt bad for a few days but its okay now. Shes after money and thats not what I'm about. There is no point trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

I'm too good for her, yes she is beautiful but I'm looking for a different kind of beauty, less superficial.

Good for you Ken! You have the right attitude! :)

but u dont know that 4 sure. you didnt ask her so u didnt give her the choice. you took way too long 2 make a move and someone else got there before u. if ur wise u will learn from this. time waits for no 1,there will be others tho and your time will come.

If you happened to be in Warsaw in 2004 Ken Noddy,you would not have faced such problems.Rokita took 749 men in a row breaking the world record.If you had asked her she would easily have accepted to widen her record to 750.Now you are two years late.You missed the opportunity and have to wait for the new trial.

Unless you try to break the men's record.

I don't know for sure, but I've a pretty good f**king idea though. Call it male intuition if you like. lol.


I have a lot of things to sort out in my life first, I am wise and I will learn, but it will be slowly. I missed the opportunity because I delayed, (paralysis through analysis) fair enough. But I see now that I had a naive attitude towards women and relationships. All I thought I had to do was be friendly and smile at them and somehow as if by magic they would see that I am this wonderful person (which I am) and want to spend time with me. I see now that it requires a different approach. I am on a learning curve and I need to make one small steps at a time. This girl was too big a step. Someone like that is my ultimate dream, but to think that it can happen so easily is foolish. I am a dreamer and I've been living in a fantasy world, but unfortunately I've got to wake up. If I work hard at improving myself & how I feel about myself with a bit of luck some day my dream will come true and it will be all the sweeter when it happens.

Good attitude Ken. Don’t however blame yourself. Your previous notion of how the world works is not uncommon at all. It is sadly widely spread through the media. Soap opera writers however do sometimes notice that the “bad guys” tend to attract the girls. It is never very well explained. Well, the truth is that they get the girl regardless of being good or bad. What they have is experience. That experience is easier to be obtained if you are a rogue, I suppose because you get more interaction with the opposite sex as a rogue. The other think Ken to be careful of is opinions of well intentioned people who haven’t actually done what they are advising on…

It is dog eat dog.This is all with women.You just step outside and eat the dog.If you manage to eat one dog,you can eat more.In real life this quality is bad,will give you lots of punishment because dogs are organized,however with women it works,because they cannot stop you.

I know I'm being neurotic and superficial once again but I sort of understand how my naive approach developed in the first place. Looking back at my time in secondary school, I was unprepared for the introduction of this new, strange female species into my world. I realise now that I must have been kind of cute because their were girls interested in me at school but I wasn't ready for them at that stage, I was struggling with adolescence and all the crap that it brings. It was at this stage that I got the impression that I didn't have to put any work into finding someone, that I would have to beat them off with a big stick, lol.

Now, its hard not to feel that I have missed the boat in many ways.
Time has not been kind to my looks in the past few years. Probably the best analogy I can give you is that of the character Tom Cruise plays in Minority Report. There is a bit in the film when he has to change his appearance and is given a shot under the chin. Well it seems that I've been given that shot but it isn't wearing off, lol.

I know whats coming next, you're going to say that I have a very low opinion of myself and need to improve my self esteem. You're probably going to say that girls don't put that much emphasis on looks, but you're not seeing the world from my eyes, you don't get the rejection, the distain, the lack of interest on a daily basis. I'm sorry, but girls do value appearance highly, at least the ones in my area do anyway.

Think only how many girls go for midgets,old men,absolutely ugly,with genetic defects,alcoholics,drug addicts,people from other races without any perspective,you do not need much self esteem to succeed.

Just want to say that I'm actually feeling quite upbeat and chirpy these last couple of days. I was dark and moody over the weekend but have lightened up considerably. The passage above does come across as rather morose, but I was just trying to paint a picture of how I sometimes feel.

its only natural 2 have bad days u just need 2 focus more on your good points not your bad and iv said this before pet and i kno from experience women wud rather go for confidence than lokks ,i have done myself so i kno wat im talking about.

What Ken says is that he does not have the confidence neither the looks.So what are his chances?

Well put. I suppose I have two options. 1. I get plastic surgery 2. I work on confidence. I'm broke as well so I guess its contestant number 2 for me. But how do I improve confidence? All this rejection just drags me down and makes me hate myself again.

You do not need to improve confidence.Just think that pakistanis get polish girls.Are you inferior to them?In fact you are a good looking westerner and many women would like to be with you,you are just afraid that you may insult them and you do not ask them out,so they suppose you already have a girlfriend.Many women prefer shy men.

just hit the gym!

Yeah, I'm doing that. I have a high jumpers physique. V tall and gangly, lean, no big muscles. I do alot of running and a bit of weights. The running helps take my mind off things and I always feel refreshed and positive after a good session.

There is one way that will never get you any woman.To try to gain her remorse.No girl will come to you because you cry.

Absolutely! Whatever you do: NO BEGGING!

Lobo I see we think the same way.And I am sure polish guys agree although they would express that differently.Our perspective is right,never listen to women when they tell what women want.Only listen to some men with experience.

Been thinking about the surgery as well.. but it's so costly..


Well if you don't have the looks, you can't have the confidence obviously :-/


What the **** does that have to do with anything? Inferior? If he's a fun loving guy why couldn't he attract someone of a nice girl from a different ethnicity?

So because a Paki can get a Polish girl anyone can, because the guy is "just a Paki" ?
wtf really..

whats in a Pakistani guy that make polish girl fall for him and southern are You Pakistani.

Thats a horrible, xenophobic statement to make, but it seems an all too common one. I went to University in the Midlands of England where there was a large Pakistani community. I played in a seven a side football tournament with six other Pakistani's and I've never had as much fun. They are great people, very respectful if you treat them with respect. Yes, there are nasty ones, just like in any race but to generalise in such a negative way is not on. You've lost my respect.

My money is on Egyptian or Saudi !!


Agree with you completely Ken

I just dont understand what just got into people's minds in here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Polish girls Polish girls..... as though all the girls in the world are extinct!

Just relax!.... no one is running away!... its a world...and it gives its equal share of sun to all.

Just dont be so desperate :S... and dont think some specific person is getting specific people.

:S .... just some unbelievale comments going on recently.

Well this is not strictly true. Some women can detach themselves to be able to see things from the other side. They provide excellent advice. The truth is that men and women are not that different. A man too, would be a little under whelmed if a woman fell for him too quickly and would loose interest. A man too likes a chase. Jealousy works wonders for both, etc. etc. I suppose women of this younger generation are very similar to man in their attitudes to the other sex. They are just a little more interested in personality and other character traits that show strength and protection… so it is ok for the man to be a little older, etc. Man for obvious biological evolutionary reasons go for youth, beauty, etc. And of course women go for confidence which is another strength and protection character trait.

I made the comment on pakistanis to boost Ken's confidence.Have you ever been in competition?Have you experienced a polish guy come and push you because you talk with a beautiful polish girl or other people trying to pick up your girlfriend?Because they measure you up when you are with her and think you do not deserve her but they are better.Have you fight in the real world?There is everybody the blacks,the english,the turks,the pakis.I do not make any racistic comments.I just say if you value yourself lower than the pakis,then you have a problem.If they can get women,you can get as well.I do not underestimate them,nor do I make racist comments.

After all it is hypocrisy.Who is the one who sends them to Guadanamo?Not me of course.
I do not understand these stereotypes.Why if sb speaks about immigrants,is he considered to be a racist?I am not a racist at all.I want them to work and add to the wealth of the western world.

Here we spoke about picking up women.I do not like what many of them do.This is not racism.I just disagree with their methods.Anyway stick to politically correct and try to get some answers.

Then I suggest you take the time to frame your comments better the first time around because the way it read it was racist. Full stop. If you had taken the time to explain yourself in the manner of your last post it would not have been interpreted in the way it was. Simple really.