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I'm a black African man and can't cope with my Polish mother in law

Ironside 50 | 10,907
21 Oct 2011 #31
Well, it can be said that it has been done to you and passed from generation to generation before you - this is my house and my castle - rings any bells?

So it is a cultural conflict !
Saying that I would like to add that with women is also personal they, more often that not, like to have their way.
sleeping_beauty 1 | 25
21 Oct 2011 #32
She should stand up for her rights and beliefs- why should everyone accommodate the mother in law?

I agree!

I having problem with my MIL too. We are living in the same roof, where my husband grew up, only with his Mom. (his father divorced his Mom and dont know the whole story)

When I came here, the first few months are fine until I found out the truth.
She gave me some clothes,(I accepted it for the sake of respect,but I never used it coz I found out they were her old clothes) but I found out she's doing that for me to avoid to spend for new ones.

And who will accept a half tinned cream and an old stocking? Or maybe let me say it like this: Are you going to offer/give to someone those things?

She wanted to do all the tasks at home(washing, cooking even the things she's not suppose to do), but in the end I noticed she just want credit for it.

Then, there are these times that she nags (called my husband, his own son, stupid and she even hit him!) and said all the things she's doing for us. I was shocked and I felt hurt for my husband, knowing how good he is.I dont think its acceptable to treat others like that. Everyone deserves respect, no matter who you are and what relation you have in between.

In the first place, we never asked her to do it! I was brought up in a family that believes that once you got married, you have to stand and do all by your own. My parent believes that her job is done once her child got married, but she is just always there if we NEED and ASK for help, but doing everything for us until we're married is a BIG NO, NO for her.

I haven't got the time to talked to my husband coz he's always out for work and tired once he gets home. Im still waiting for a perfect time to discuss it to him and its gunna be very soon.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
21 Oct 2011 #33
My Polish MIL is utterly fantastic! She really doesn't cause any problems whatsoever and has been nothing but nice to me. She has taken me onboard and is really friendly.

However, I've heard stories of those who are unbearable and I think I can attribute it to them just looking for a role for themselves. I also believe that the coloured gentleman from the OP gets a hard time due to his MIL's fear of how he might be raising the child. This fear is irrational but it doesn't stop the MIL from butting in the whole time.
jochemczyk 1 | 35
1 Dec 2011 #34
Yes , it is common for the Mother to be like this,and to make decisions in the household,in Poland it is accepted ,as the parents generally are respected as the ones who have the most knowledge and wisdom. The Mothers look at it as a right that they have earned by experience. If you just give in to it and relax you will be a lot happier and your Mum inlaw will love you like a Son.In time you will look on her as a valued member of the family rather than a hinderence, Word of warning though, don't do anything to upset her daughter !

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