**Jokes about mathematics, mathematicians and teachers of mathematics**There is a big group of jokes and anecdotes related to mathematics and its creators. Some such jokes are sophisticated and refined; that is, of which only mathematicians can laugh (others simply do not understand them), but there are also jokes available to everyone without any academic preparation in this area. Their repertoire is much richer than many a layman might think - much richer than proverbial absent-mindedness of most mathematicians.

Mathematics, being a queen of sciences, is international by definition; therefore it is hard to trace which jokes belong to specific Polish sources. I selected some and translated just few of them from this site:

matematyka.wroc.pl/book/rozmaitosci/dowcipy-i-anegdoty

**Anecdotes about some Polish mathematicians**Hugo Steinhaus (1887-1972, Lwów, Wrocław) was once to give a lecture, but only two students came. There then arose the problem whether it was worthy to have it for such small audience. Steinhaus said: Tres faciunt collegium (three makes the council) and the lecture was held. Next time there was only one student in attendance, except Steinhaus, who started his lecture undisturbed. Then the student interrupted: But there are only two of us? Steinhaus responded - God is present always and everywhere.

Alfred Tarski (1901-1983), logician, was born in Warsaw in the family of a wealthy merchant, Ignacy Teitelbaum. In the age of 22 he changed his name from Jewish to Polish. When he later asked his father for some financial assistance he was told: Go with that to an old Tarski.

**Jokes from number theory**This one is a bit hermetic.

- What is a relationship between lunches in a cafeteria and the Fibonacci sequence?

- Each dinner is the sum of the previous two.

**Jokes (with the beard) about engineers, physicists, philosophers and mathematicians**Warning: This is professionally biased set. A winner is not always a mathematician.

If you feel like having a chat on a commercial flight when asked by the neighbour, "What do you do?" answer: "I'm a lawyer." If you want peace and quiet reply: "I am a mathematician."

A mathematician and an engineer attended a lecture on physics from Kaluza-Klein theory, relating to processes occurring in the 9 -, 12 - and higher-dimensional spaces. The mathematician is visibly enjoying the lecture, but the engineer is frowning and looks very confused. After the lecture, the engineer asks the mathematician whether he understood what the physicist was talking about.

Mathematician: Yes, I just imagined it myself.

Engineer: But how can you imagine anything in the 9-dimensional space?

Mathematician: Well, I just first imagine this in n-dimensional space, and then I assume that n = 9.

A mathematician, physicist and engineer, got the piece of wire fencing and a task, to enclose the greatest area. The engineer fenced in the elegant square. The physicist has calculated the best ratio of the circumference to the area, so he arranged the chicken wire in a circle. However the mathematician arranged the wire along some crude inelegant curve, went inside and said he was outside.

**X comes to a doctor**These jokes have numerous variants, they are based on both word games, and situational humour sometimes, but there are usually two characters - a "baba" (a village woman) and a doctor. Sometimes, however, there are more doctors, another person rather than a woman, also animals, such as (żaba=frog), etc. A close relationship of verbal humour with the Polish language, and often some link to Polish realities makes most of the variants of this joke not translatable into other languages.

pl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Przychodzi_baba_do_lekarza

However, the mathematical version of "X comes to a doctor" is readily understandable by anyone having some basic level of mathematics.

An element comes to a doctor and the doctor cries out: Police!

[During communism dissenters and protesters were called "elements"]

A quotient comes to a doctor and the doctor asks: Where's the remainder?

A number visits a doctor and the doctor says: You're first!

[In Polish prime numbers are also known as first numbers]

A number one visits a doctor and the doctor says: You is not first!

[See above]

A cone comes to a doctor and the doctor says: Why are you so "ścięty"?

[Wordplay: "ścięty" means feeling down, but also truncated in Polish]

A sine wave comes a doctor and the doctor says: Do you have your period again?

A set comes to a doctor and the doctor says: You're finished!

A distribution comes to a doctor and the doctor says: Are you normal?

A "i" comes to a doctor and the doctor says: You imagine something!