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Seeking advice - I get a feeling she is seeing other guys


abcdef  
27 May 2007 /  #1
Hi im in chicago area and met a polish girl about 2 months ago. She has been in USA for 4 years. Things seem to be going good but i get a feeling she is seeing other guys or going on dates (although she says no). I was wondering if it is common for Polish girls to date several men and see who is best? I know this has nothing to do with a nationality and more about women in general but since she is Polish maybe there is a certain way things are done there. This girl is important to me so any feedback is appreciated.
bunia 1 | 134  
27 May 2007 /  #2
i cant say that she is innocent
but
its not our habit to date several men at time
But then again you have take into consideration that she was in US for 4 years - sometimes being in forein country changes people...
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
27 May 2007 /  #3
She is probably talking to old friends who might or might not include a past boyfriend.
beckski 12 | 1,617  
27 May 2007 /  #4
But then again you have take into consideration that she was in US for 4 years - sometimes being in forein country changes people...

Hi Bunia,

You've mentioned an important point. Sometimes people change when they've been exposed to a new culture and surroundings.

I'm Polish American and very loyal, especially when I'm in a serious relationship. I feel infidelity is improper, whether it pertains to either gender's actions.

Abcdef's relationship is still in the beginning stage; what I refer to as the animal stage. They've only been together for merely two months. They still need time to see if their relationship will develop satisfactorily.

I suppose it depends upon the individual, in terms of how many men she chooses to date simultaneously. In addition, she must examine her own ethics and upbringing, regarding making her own moral decisions.
bunia 1 | 134  
27 May 2007 /  #5
In addition, she must examine her own ethics and upbringing, regarding making her own moral decisions.

yup
especially if she came to US when she was really young. That is when people get most confused about their culture. On one hand you have your parents at home teaching you one way, on the other - there is a whole world out there living diffrent life.

abcdef - may i ask how old is she ?
OP abcdef  
27 May 2007 /  #6
she is in her mid twenties. the deal is she said she was going somewhre with family and i saw her family so i know she went with whoever. it might be friends and maybe an ex was going to be there i dont know other than this well this is what made me think that
mr marek  
27 May 2007 /  #7
honest in a relationship is very important equal to trust, you should clear your head from any thoughts that are causing you suspicion, you are aware of what happens outside in the world. if the girl wants to cheat its her choice, by keeping these things in your head you will only make yourself feel bad.. give it time
krysia 23 | 3,058  
27 May 2007 /  #8
When a woman talks to other guys does not mean she is cheating, even though it would seem like that to her boyfriend. But I agree that living in a different country changes a person.
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
27 May 2007 /  #9
she is in her mid twenties. the deal is she said she was going somewhre with family and i saw her family so i know she went with whoever. it might be friends and maybe an ex was going to be there i dont know other than this well this is what made me think that

It does seem strange that she said she was going with her family but didn't. Did you ever ask her about that? Maybe she planned to go with them but decided at the last minute to go with friends instead.

I don't think most women in their mid-twenties go out with different men just to figure out which one is better. I think they do it because they don't feel ready to be committed to just one person. But most women won't stay with a man if that's how they feel. So I don't think she would stay with you if she felt that way. Maybe she's telling you the truth.
Lady in red  
28 May 2007 /  #10
If she didn't tell the truth about where and with whom she was going with ? Then you end up being suspicious and not trusting her ? And then you do not discuss it with her but post on a forum instead, in my opinion it doesn't bode well for the relationship does it ?
Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
28 May 2007 /  #11
And then you do not discuss it with her but post on a forum instead

It's a awkward situation, if you confront her it looks like you are being overbearing and a control freak. Proceed with caution.
Lady in red  
28 May 2007 /  #12
Discussing things shouldn't have to mean confrontation. Being able to talk things through and communicating is the basis for any good relationship. Anything else and all sorts of problems occur.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
28 May 2007 /  #13
I think this one is easy. She had a life before she met you and she would like to continue it. Men shouldn't expect women to drop everything to be with them 24/7. When she feels that the relationship is serious enough for her she should open up a bit.

At the moment you probably have a different view on where this relationship is going. Don't rush it, and show a little more trust. However, if I'm wrong always remember. Shitt happens.
Lady in red  
28 May 2007 /  #14
I don't think he was expecting her to drop everything to be with him. More a case of being honest. She shouldn't have been untruthful (am trying to be kind here by not using the word 'lie')

If she was seeing other friends she should have said so. Rather than say she was seeing family. Why say something that wasn't true ? Anyone would think that a bit odd !!
OP abcdef  
29 May 2007 /  #15
yeah im the least bit of a control freak but when she says 1 thing and it seems something else is up it is strange. but i think the other day we straightened it out.
Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
29 May 2007 /  #16
but i think the other day we straightened it out.

Thats good to hear.
alan_uk - | 7  
30 May 2007 /  #17
trust your instincts
aladdin 2 | 9  
2 Jun 2007 /  #18
well, you need to know, first, whether you are the suspicious type. have you been in other relationships where you were suspicious of the girl. if that's so, then it's your issue.

but if not, if you're not the sort of guy who worries about the girl being honest ordinarily...

then my opinion is...if there is enough happening that you have been provoked to worry about it, then you have a problem.

and you should expect the problem to get worse, not better.

we all have our faults. and we all tend to be consistent with those faults. that's just what people do.

so, if this girl deals with situations by being dishonest about them, you should expect that to continue. that's what she does when she doesn't know what to do.

if you really think she's terrific, like she could be the love of your life, it might be worth one or two conversations with her about it. if these conversations go well, there might be hope. it could be a sign either that you were mistaken, or that this is not one of those faults which is a trademark of hers.

but if one or two conversations do not end the problem for all time, then it WILL be a problem for all time.

that, too, is not necessarily a deal breaker.

some people do not consider lying, or infidelity even, a reason for ending a relationship. there are married couples which function for DECADES with one partner cheating and the other suspecting it and just living with it.
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
2 Jun 2007 /  #19
I get a feeling she is seeing other guys

dutty ho... who would have thought... a polish girl seeing more than one fella... never... probably not true... but if she is then its obviously all your fault...
DontCallMe  
2 Jun 2007 /  #20
cant say that she is innocent
but
its not our habit to date several men at time

oh please, the last polish girl i was seeing was also ******* my 52 y/o neigbour.
Polish girls only want you for what they can get from you, because that's the way thier men brought them up.
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
2 Jun 2007 /  #21
oh....the trolls are back. Welcome dirtbag :)
espana 17 | 931  
2 Jun 2007 /  #22
Polish girls only want you for what they can get from you, because that's the way thier men brought them up.

polish ladys are like this one .....and they not need nothing from people like you so they are going to take from you **** all........... they not are idiot!!!



OP abcdef  
2 Jun 2007 /  #23
i been reading this forum for a bit and it seems like alot of people think that polish girls see a ton of guys at once. i dont understand i mean soome women are like that others not. it depends on individual i think not a race or nationality
Softsong 5 | 495  
1 Jan 2009 /  #24
There would be nothing wrong when you are just beginning to date someone to date others, too. As long as you're upfront about it. What would cast a bad light on her would be if she says she sees only you, and then dates others.

If she is honest, it's called keeping your options open before a relationship becomes serious. If a man or woman wants you all to him/herself, they need to become exclusive, in other words, be in a committed relationship.

Until then, it's kind of old-fashioned dating if you are not sleeping around, but going on dates with others. In modern times, there is a tendency for people to be serial daters. As soon as they date one person, that is it. And you get close, maybe see that it is not the person for you, and then experience a painful breakup. And repeat the pattern again and again.

Perhaps it is better to date several people until one stands out. Again, as long as there is honesty.
LAGirl 9 | 496  
25 Feb 2009 /  #25
I wouldnt be surprised. alot of them cheat. so do the men.

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