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Polish guy broke this black womans heart, now he wants me back....what do I do??


prettypolly 1 | 6  
4 Jun 2009 /  #1
Hi Everyone, I'm new to all of this so bare with me..! This is quite along story but I'll keep it a short as possible-but I really need some help fronm u all so that I dont screw up my life....

I've was going out with my ex boyfreind for 9 mths until we split up 2 mths ago. I'm a 43yr old black Britsh woman and he is a 38yr old Polish guy. I was introduced to him through a friend of mine - he was renting a room in her house. His english was quite good so we had no probs communicating.

Ever since we got together I tried to help him eg: find english classes, build his confidence in driving, taking him out to places he'd never been before and it goes on...!

I feel in love with him after 3 mths but he wasn't sure of his feelings for me. He was at times very affectionate, with public dispalys of affection etc etc,

After a while though I started to notice things:

-We had great S.E.X at the beg ....but about 4 mths later basically he couldn't "get it up".....no idea what was that all about..he said it was because he was deperessed and nervous...??

- When he used to visit me every other wk/end from Fri-Thurs, I'd have to make sure that my kitchen was fully stocked with food because he would eat so much every minute of the day BUT when we used to do shopping, he would never offer to pay for anything...?

- Whenever we had dinner together when we were finished he would never think to help me even to take his plate to the kitken infact all he did was get up and go to ley down on the sofa or sit in front of the computer...????

- I also know he thought I had alot of money from the sale of house I owne with my ex husband because he was always fishing to find out what/ how much I earned and /or how much money I got from the house?

-He all of a sudden wanted to get BMWX5 even though he was earning less than £13,000 per yr....! he wanted a 50" flat screen...and the list went on...!?

-We had an argument just before Xmas so he stop talking/calling me for 2wks (yes very-childish) my txts and calls were never answered- he just did't want to know-during this time my friend told me that he had decided to drive to Poland with his frineds to visit his mother over Xmas, even though before the argument we agreed that we were going go on a winter sun holiday which was also going to be his first ever holiday...as a result I ended up spending Xmas day and Newyears day on my own...????

-He had split with me twice and I went back to him because I loved him.....but the last argument we had I said that was enough and I decided I couldn't carry on and said that we should remain friends which I though he had accepted.

-Now 2 mths after we've spit up he's been crying that he realises that he made a big mistake, hes been a fool and that he's noe "in love with me" he wants us to have babies, he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that he has changed bla bla bla.

- I've decided that I will not go back with him cos he played too many time with my emotions, his job situ is very basic with little prospects, I feel that he's back is aginsnt that wall and he realised that I was a good meal ticket for him.

-why did he not attempt to change whne we were together- why does he now love me after we have spit...?

- Is this the typical behaivour of polish guys, I am I being too hard on him, shld I forget him, was he using me, do you think he really loves me now, does he have an angenda, do you think it would have worked out?

- PLEASE HELP HAVE I MADE THE RIGHT DECISSION?????
niejestemcapita 2 | 561  
4 Jun 2009 /  #2
PLEASE HELP HAVE I MADE THE RIGHT DECISSION?????

yes yes yes and a thousand times yes..
time means 5 | 1,310  
4 Jun 2009 /  #3
Whenever we had dinner together when we were finished he would never think to help me even to take his plate to the kitken infact all he did was get up and go to ley down on the sofa or sit in front of the computer...????

i don`t see what is wrong with this, after all cleaning up and washing puts and stuff is a womens job.
fred_chopin  
4 Jun 2009 /  #4
I've decided that I will not go back with him cos he played too many time with my emotions

Good decision.

why does he now love me after we have spit...?

he realised that I was a good meal ticket for him.

You have already answered your own question.

Is this the typical behaivour of polish guys,

No, just guys in general.

I am I being too hard on him, shld I forget him, was he using me, do you think he really loves me now, does he have an angenda, do you think it would have worked out?

No. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. No.

PLEASE HELP HAVE I MADE THE RIGHT DECISSION?????

YES.
OP prettypolly 1 | 6  
4 Jun 2009 /  #5
Thanks for the replys guys even the one who said washing up is a womans job....maybe your his brother!
ZIMMY 6 | 1,601  
4 Jun 2009 /  #6
Is this the typical behaivour of polish guys,

No, just lazy people. He sounds like a loser to me, that is, if everything you said is true.
Seems like you are itching to give it one more try. If you do, then you will be able to see if he is still lazy about things or not. If after one or two weeks his behavior is still the same then dump him.
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
4 Jun 2009 /  #7
We had great S.E.X at the beg ....but about 4 mths later basically he couldn't "get it up"..

Jeez after having an erection for four months, it's no wonder he needed a break.

Is this the typical behaivour of polish guys

Absolutely
I heard of a fella here who had an erection for 7 years.

I am I being too hard on him, shld I forget him, was he using me, do you think he really loves me now, does he have an angenda, do you think it would have worked out?

You have already made up your mind, you think you might be too hard on him but that is called breaking up.
You think he was using you and that is enough.
I don't know if he loves you, I am not sure you love him?.
You think he has an agenda, trust is important in any relationship and money seems to be an issue for both of you.
It did not work, so you have answered that one yourself.

best of luck in your future love.
ZIMMY 6 | 1,601  
4 Jun 2009 /  #8
I heard of a fella here who had an erection for 7 years.

I hate it when that happens..........
OP prettypolly 1 | 6  
4 Jun 2009 /  #9
Hey, this is no joke he was on his hand and knees begging me two days ago...I guess the polish guys can put on a good show when its needed!
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
4 Jun 2009 /  #10
I was just lightening the mood.
why do you think this has anything with his country of origin?.
fred_chopin  
4 Jun 2009 /  #11
this is no joke he was on his hand and knees begging me two days ago

For food or for sex?

guys can put on a good show when its needed!

Except for when they need viagra.
OP prettypolly 1 | 6  
4 Jun 2009 /  #12
May be I'm good at telling a good story but this is abosolutely true....I've been pulling my hair out cos I didn't know what to do....he even went as far as to say that I would regret not going back to him cos I'll never know what I'll be missing...U see he's 6ft 2" blue eyes with blonde hair...well on some days it looks ginger but anyway- I guess he thinks thats all it takes.!
Kasz 1 | 76  
4 Jun 2009 /  #15
for me? topic title "Polish guy broke this black womans heart, now he wants me back....what do I do??" and all that stuff below... i mean cmon if u where pink,or green it would make any dif? of it will ppl will look wierd at u... but nothin more... poles are not some Arabic with very orginal way of "getting" womens... To any Arabic ppl here, im not trying to offend anyone... i just tellin that muslim countries act a little bit dif then teh others..
OP prettypolly 1 | 6  
4 Jun 2009 /  #16
WOW NO NO NO ITS CERTAINLY NOT BOGUS, TAKE IT AS YOU SEE FIT....BUT I TOLD YOU IT WAS A LONG STORY SO YOU'VE REALLY ONLY KNOW / READ A PART OF IT....LOOK AT THE DATE WHEN I BECAME A MEMBER....:)
Natalilia - | 8  
4 Jun 2009 /  #17
HI,
i am not from Poland - i am from Russia. But men here and there are really similar .
Your story is a tipycal love story with slovenian man.
OF COURSE !!!! we can not put ALL men in "one shoe" - but here we are speaking about things that is "normal" for "our" men. I can not say anything about intimate life - its just between you two, but the way he treats you - i recognise my russian ex -husband and husbands of many of my girlfriends. For me such kind of thingd doesn't sound strange. Another story, that i can not accept it. Did you ever asked why so many men in USA are looking for West Europenian/Russian wives ? Cause the are ready to give, ready to take FULL care of man, house, future ,etc etc etc . That'a why West Europenian- Russian men behave that way. Of course , i will tell one more time - not all men are same !!! As well important family education - by the way , did you ever met his parents ? -important age - young people are more flexible, important level of life etc.....

About your conflicts. I had some funny moments with that.
Its a game. Woman says- i split up with you !!!! Man cries, run after her, promice love for ever, change everything ang bring the full moon from the sky. He as well can write sad poems, sing under ur window, send you sad letter or blackmail you- he will kill his self - depence of how many talents he got.

After that woman with her big loving heart forgives him. For some time he is sweet and nice - but at the end he comeback to his usual behaving. Means if you want to see your boyfriend nice - you must ALLWAYS play this game. This men likes woman who makes them suffer , have this sharp emotions, etc etc . It is nice in first year. But later, believe me - its not funny any more . You choice ONE MAN from billions of men and you must all the time play games with him. \

I can not menage this kind of relation. I think its important to help eath other, support, cover from problems and respect your partner.

Sorry, maybe its sound painfull -but it was no respect from his side. Slovenian men in general doesn't respect women (in general!!!!! but NOT all of them !!!!!)

So .... the choice is yours.

PS sorry for long comment and terrible English.
Wish all the best you just deserve !!!!
Kasz 1 | 76  
4 Jun 2009 /  #18
sorry for long comment and terrible English

its not bad ;]
Kasz 1 | 76  
4 Jun 2009 /  #20
teh best part of that song is around 1:02 "thats not love, but i love u " :P
OP prettypolly 1 | 6  
4 Jun 2009 /  #21
Thanks for your balanced view- this is what I think too...no your english is fine...I'm not into playing games so I guess he can play that with someone else....Thanks again:)

No didn't meet he mum he was a bit ashamed to take me to poland at one point cos he came from a poor background and his mum lived in a 2 roomed apartment bla bla bla..he obviously had a bit of a complex, well maybe a big complex...!

:) yeah I'll stick around for a while...!
niejestemcapita 2 | 561  
4 Jun 2009 /  #22
No didn't meet he mum he was a bit ashamed to take me to poland at one point cos he came from a poor background and his mum lived in a 2 roomed apartment

I am not being rude but are you sure this was the reason?
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
5 Jun 2009 /  #23
Give him the boot......and don,t take him back.....
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,163  
5 Jun 2009 /  #24
Hey, this is no joke he was on his hand and knees begging me two days ago...

Maybe he's running out of cash :)
sadieann 2 | 205  
5 Jun 2009 /  #25
Pretty Polly, please forgive me, but do you honestly have to ask what to do? Any self respecting person with confidence would never tolerate this one sided relationship. CO-DEPENDENCY..Be stronger and not deliberately weak. If your doing these things for him it's your fault. Relationships are not fairy tales where you can wish some one wil be this or that or they'll change. You can't change other people, but you can take control of your LIFE. Give yourself more credit. You can move on without him and you will be happier as a result.
King Sobieski 2 | 716  
5 Jun 2009 /  #26
i still cant believe people air their dirty laundry on the net and ask for opinions.
Equator - | 33  
5 Jun 2009 /  #27
From the information that you have provided, you have made the right decision. I appreciate that it is very difficult (near impossible at times) to be objective with affairs of the heart. Take a long hard look at the catalogue of issues you have raised, they are certainly not building blocks for a relationship. You were obviously good for him in many respects, economically more than anything else. It is evident that he does not have a better offer, as if he did, you would be history, or he could just be greedy and try to bleed you some more.

The truth is painful to face, and I am sure you will find a dozen reasons for each one you have received why you should probably give him yet another chance. What you need is to distance yourself from this man; you need time to think clearly. You will not be able to do this if you maintain contact; your emotions are just too sensitive right now, making it difficult for you to think objectively.

I am one hundred percent sure that you would like a man who treats you with respect, acts as an equal, demonstrates his loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness……the list could go on!

You know what to do………life is really too short to waste on people who are not worth while……….think about it, 2, 3, 5, 10 years down the line, what would it be like? The same stop start………there are loads of men our there, and I do know that it is not easy to find the right fit, however, the choice is firmly in your hands as to what you accept, and ultimately end up with.

Best of luck

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