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I had a Polish female friend. Horror in my mind...


Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #1
Greetings all,

First time poster, long time lurker.. So i thought i would post a post and see what replies i get...

Here we go..

Well, I have (had) a Polish female friend who I met a while a go when I was on holiday. Lovely girl.. Anyway.. since returning back to her countries, me England/ her Poland something has happened. I am not sure how it is to be seen.

We talked a lot on a chat messenger, I have been to visit her, she has been to visit me. Whilst all of this was going on, she had another visitor from the UK, 30 years her senior, her being 20.

Before I knew about this, she had sent me a couple of pictures of her “posing” for a camera, you get the idea.. And I thought those were strange.. I didn’t like them, anyway she said they were taken by a photographer, I accepted it even though I found it very hard to believe since it was done in a hotel room.

What sickened me was, when I went to visitor, it was the same hotel, room was the same.. EWWWW!!!

So here is my question, what is up with this girl?? Please don’t tell me all Polish girls are like this? I mean her family go to church every Sunday, I got on with them very well, me being able to speak some Polish, and understand a lot, them being to speak some English too.

We had a great time together but I just can’t figure this out. Why would she go with someone so much older? Is it just money? Her family are pretty well off for Polish standards, so it can’t just be money, she attends university too and is doing well.

Can anyone give opinions or advice on this? Should I just cut all ties from her? I would prefer not to because I do care for a lot, we have had good times together and she really is a nice person. 30 years though is some difference….

Thanks for reading.

Had to get it out of my system.

MODS, COULD YOU PLEASE MOVE THIS, IT SAVED IN THE WRONG CATEGORY... Dziekuje.
Magdushya 3 | 104  
2 Mar 2007 /  #2
I mean her family go to church every Sunday

Yes, and i hate it now in Poland, they are double-faced, church and after church screaming, slagging etc. Your story it's really sad and don't look too good.

Please don’t tell me all Polish girls are like this?

NOPE!:)

Have you tried to talk with her?

However - sometimes ppl just greedy....
sledz 23 | 2,250  
2 Mar 2007 /  #3
Blow her off and get another one, it dont seem worth all that trouble.
Theres woman everywhere...
Shes trying to play ya.....:) :) :) :)
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #4
Hi Magdushya

Thanks for replying.

It seems just because they can go to church and confess, it allows them to do this.

I have tried talking to her about it, she said talking about it now makes her feel disgusted. Though she has tried to explain it to me, she said he understood her, they were each other’s angels. She has also slept with 9 other people, why?? She deleted him from her messenger some time ago, but since then she has added him back!!

He has actually sent me a message in the past saying he wasn’t the only one who has been to see her!!.

I really don’t understand it, I mean does that make her a prostitute? Why else would she allow older men coming to see her, and sleep with her.

It makes me feel sick that her parents see her as a responsible girl, father thinks she is still a virgin!. It is unbelievable.

Blow her off and get another one, it dont seem worth all that trouble.
Theres woman everywhere...
Shes trying to play ya.....

I think you are right Sledz :), I became emotionally attached to her over the months of seeing her, sleeping with her, getting to know her. She had met my family over in Poland, i had met hers. But I think she is just young, and needs to grow up, make her mistakes and learn.

I am not much older, but i know what is right and what is wrong.

Women, they really are a mystery..
sledz 23 | 2,250  
2 Mar 2007 /  #5
they really are a mystery..

Ya youll never be able to figure em out....:) :)

The sleeping around with the 9 other guy thing,,,, yeah I think its time to take a hike
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #6
The sleeping around with the 9 other guy thing,,,, yeah I think its time to take a hike

9 by the age of 20... at least she was honest about it.. still sickening.
sledz 23 | 2,250  
2 Mar 2007 /  #7
well I know of worse than that, but youre better off finding a new one and putting
her behind you.
If you see her family just be pleasant
In a few months youll forget all about her once you find another one
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
2 Mar 2007 /  #8
I dont think that you should judge a girl (or a man) on how many people they have slept with before they met you. Similarly if she likes older men, then thats up to her... however, I agree that she does sound a bit dodgy posing for pics in a hotel room.. she may not be a prostitute, but she could be looking for 'friends' to help her financially.
peterweg 37 | 2,320  
2 Mar 2007 /  #9
Or she could simply be enjoying sex. Hard as it may seem, she may get better sex, more intersting conversation and more fun from an older man. Its quite amusing how younger guys think they always have an advantage based purely on their age.

As for 9 partners at the age of 19, well you have no way of judging what women get up to, women will lie about their past and do whatever they can get away with. Move away from friends and family and the mice will play.
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #10
As for 9 partners at the age of 19, well you have no way of judging what women get up to, women will lie about their past and do whatever they can get away with. Move away from friends and family and the mice will play.

True you don't know if they lived alone, but this one still lives at home, in a small village and the father apparantly always knows where everyone is etc. 9 sexual partners in 2 years since losing her virginity, also had a 1 year long relationship, so you could say 8 in a year or so.

Anyway, thanks you for the comments guys, i know not to take this one seriously. She is obviously good at what she does.

Also, Peter i agree about younger guys, but myself being 25, i don't classify myself as one. I am just a friend who is concerned at what path she is going down, and it looks like one of self destruction. To me, sleeping with someone older than your father is clearly wrong. Especially when you have never met them before, other than just typing on the net, and staying in a hotel for a few nights. Taking cheap photo's etc. Anyway, enough of me ranting :). It is Friday, the end of the working week, time to party :)
marchewka  
2 Mar 2007 /  #11
She is open about her sexua life and if you cannot accept it, don't try to change her into something she is not. She told you who she really was and she is both: a good girl with healthy needs who gets what she wants. As scary as it may appear she seem to be OK with it and you seem to be saying between the lines that she needs to be saved from all the hellish behaviour, as if she didn't know what she was doing.

The very strict upbringing in Poland may have soemthing to do with it, since women and girls are expected to behave a certain way, so it's possible that she is reacting to it in such way, insted of taking creative art classes:)

Finally, why demonise a woman. How would she react, if you were the one going astray?
You want her to change, so you don't take her the way she is, so I am not sure why are you trying to portray her in a bad light.

Find a girl, who has similar values to yours:)
Good luck
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #12
Thanks marchewka, I hadn't looked at it from that point of view.

I am not trying to change her to be honest, but she has told me she wants to change, i can only try and give some advice. I don't put her down when talking to her, i am just trying to understand her. She is a lovely girl, and a friend. She often says she makes mistakes like giving her heart away to people too quickly, i think this is the case.

We all like sex, but why not find one person to share it with :), we don't have to be out making records :). That was my try at a joke :).

Ok, so i will take it easy, it is her life as you have said, i will just be there if she needs someone to talk to. You could say though that i see her in a bad light because i was told Polish girls have certain values, don't sleep around etc, maybe things have changed since my mother/cousin (Polish women) were young adults. I thought it only that English teens were "easy", this isn't a generalisation, but they do hold the record at the moment for highest teenage pregnancies.

Thanks for posting.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
2 Mar 2007 /  #13
Ok shes probably a young nymphomaniac.. it up to you to decide on whether that a good or bad thing :)
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #14
Well as i can say i have had the T-Shirt, it is a good thing.. But this isn't the point. Actually i don't know what is anymore :(
marchewka  
2 Mar 2007 /  #15
I understand where you coming from, you seem to have feelings for her, you have a good and clean heart and your feet are planted on the ground very firmly. She is lucky to have somebody like you, since she seems a bit lost. However, she seems to be attracted to a very risky behaviour. Some people do it for various reasons. It may be that she is rebelling against that strickt behaviour (happens all the time) or just leading a double life because of her parents planting certain expectation on her. Is she the only child?

My question is: are you able to put the memory of all the men she has slept with behind and move on?
My second question is: are you able to forgive her?
And finally: do you trust her?
Is she a future partner for you in regards to values, common interest and dreams.
Are you looking for a partner or are looking for somebody who needs to be saved?
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
2 Mar 2007 /  #16
sorry, I was just trying to cheer you up with a bit of humour.. I know how hard it is if you really like her..but at the end of the day, only you can decide if she is worth your affections or not. Maybe make a list of the pros and cons of your relationship and see which outweighs the other.
peterweg 37 | 2,320  
2 Mar 2007 /  #17
Ok shes probably a young nymphomaniac.. it up to you to decide on whether that a good or bad thing

A certain percentage of woman are, and good for them. You cannot get emotionally attached to someone who is, unless you are able to satisfy their needs sexually. I spent 6months with one, great sex, 2-3 times a day, but it was absolutely crazy and an emotional drain.
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #18
In all honesty my feet haven't always been firmly rooted to the ground, we all do crazy things when we are growing up, that is part of growing up, experiences and things you do make you the person you become. That is why i can't turn my back on her or just give up a friend because she is still only young with much more growing up to do. Her life, not mine.

I think you are right that she is attracted to the risky behaviour, who isn't at times, it makes you feel alive. She isn't an only child, but the eldest of 3 sisters. So sure there is pressure on her, her parents want them all to do well and she leads by example. The times i have been there, sure the parents are strict but i don't think it is a bad thing, strict in the way that things need to be done around the home etc, these are skills many of the youth of today lack, who wants a woman who cannot make pierogi :) :). hehe.

Sure i can put how many people she has slept with behind me (it isn't the number but the way she goes about getting these men), but can she? It is her choice on what she does, maybe it doesn't bother her, but she just tells me it does.

There is no reason for me to forgive her, we were never a couple, just two friends who got too close, rushed things. I mean she has to finish her studies etc, there is no point in getting in to a relationship at this moment in time even if we did care for each other.

Trust is something huge, and something that has to be there or there can't be a future. At this moment of time after her adding him back to her list, i wonder why she did, does she want him to go back to meet her.. If so then that is just something i will accept and move on.

Who knows what the future holds, maybe she will be a future partner in years to come, after all we are still young, anything can happen. I am just looking out for her, not trying to save her, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Also, although i could see her as my future, at the moment it isn't the right time.

sorry, I was just trying to cheer you up with a bit of humour.. I know how hard it is if you really like her..but at the end of the day, only you can decide if she is worth your affections or not. Maybe make a list of the pros and cons of your relationship and see which outweighs the other.

Don't worry, i know you were :) and you were successful :).

Thanks for reading if you made it this far, i know it was pretty long, and even longer if English isn't your first language, but hey, every little helps when learning another language.

:)
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
2 Mar 2007 /  #19
I spent 6months with one, great sex, 2-3 times a day, but it was absolutely crazy and an emotional drain.

you mean 2-3 times a day isnt normal?
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #20
I think it is quite normal in a healthy relationship, once when you wake up, after work or so, and then before sleep. :)

Oh, and in the middle of the night if you happen to wake up :)
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
2 Mar 2007 /  #21
I agree. Sounds like you should stick with the nympho. :)
Sadie  
2 Mar 2007 /  #22
I dont quite understand, since Honesty's profile says female?
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
2 Mar 2007 /  #23
mmm thats a good point Sadie... didnt notice that. Care to comment Honesty?
marchewka  
2 Mar 2007 /  #24
Honestly.Good point, what do you have to say to that Honesty?:)
peterweg 37 | 2,320  
2 Mar 2007 /  #25
I think it is quite normal in a healthy relationship, once when you wake up, after work or so, and then before sleep.

Oh, and in the middle of the night if you happen to wake up

And Lunchtime.

>you mean 2-3 times a day isnt normal?

Apparently not for some people.

>I dont quite understand, since Honesty's profile says female?

Got me too, as he/she sounds like someone broken hearted.
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #26
Can't say i actually noticed when signing up, i will change it if i can.

What i posted was true, and you have all given me your opinions which i thank you for.

Got me too, as he/she sounds like someone broken hearted.

I wouldn't say broken hearted, but sure i was upset.

Time is a great healer.

I dont quite understand, since Honesty's profile says female?

Thanks for pointing that out Sadie. Much appreciated.
Sadie  
2 Mar 2007 /  #27
I was thinking you both must have very liberal parents and maybe she was confussed about her sexuallity and you about your gender :)
OP Honesty 1 | 10  
2 Mar 2007 /  #28
:)... maybe once upon a time, but that is another thread..
setmefree - | 3  
2 Mar 2007 /  #29
That is very sad that i think she is using you to clear conscience, because you are the one of close to her. Typical childish women behaviour, she is doing it like she goes to the church.

you should stop communicating with her, it is the best for you and even for her to open her eyes and maybe hopefully gets her to a balance.

just try to convince her that she needs a professional help.
krysia 23 | 3,057  
2 Mar 2007 /  #30
The girl will sooner or later get a disease for sleeping around. I wouldn't waste my time on a person who does that because maybe in the future you guys would get married. She has been sleeping around with others before marriage and she will do it after she's married.

People don't change. My "X" slept around before marriage. I never did and stupid, naive me - trusted him.
He was back to sleeping around after a few years.

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