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Is She Doomed to be miserable and have her marriage fail?


nauczyciel  
5 May 2007 /  #1
ok here's the story.... I have a good friend who I think is making a very big mistake.

shes 27 he's 33. they have been together 4 years. they are engaged, and he has been working out of PL for 4 months and has another 6 to go.

all the info i get is from her.
- not one time has his parents gone to meet her parents, despite living 30km from each other and numerous invitations to meet extended by her and her family.

- he does not like to visit her family, and when he does, he cannot get away fast enough.

- he makes all the decisions in the relationship.

- he is a momma's boy, and consults mommy on all important matters, such as buying a flat/car/tv etc.

- he only sends her an email once a week.

- she has been unfaithful while her fiancee is out of the country.

She is not happy with the relationship and will not leave him because "he loves me too much" and it would break his heart if she left him.

I told her that she needs to see a counsellor before getting married. She is not in a healthy relationship. If she has been unfaithful, then she is purely not happy and should abandon this relationship.

thoughts welcomed. and please stay on topic!!
daffy 23 | 1,508  
5 May 2007 /  #2
she has been unfaithful while her fiancee is out of the country.

She is not happy with the relationship

marriage is not a good idea. - the other things could be worked out over time and communication but the second quote i give ends it.
izanami - | 8  
5 May 2007 /  #3
i totally agree with you id never marry someone id cheated on either. if you love someone enough to say i do you wouldnt cheat on them . ppl just dont take marriage seriously enough nowadays :(
miranda  
5 May 2007 /  #4
marriage is not a good idea. - the other things could be worked out over time and communication but the second quote i give ends it.

yep, I agree. That's not a good fundation for a realtionship at all, and since she is been cheating,she is not approaching the problems in a right way.

I hope Nauczyciel that you could be a good and an honest friend to her, which you have already proven by posting your concerns re her relationship. She has a good friend in you:)
daffy 23 | 1,508  
5 May 2007 /  #5
ppl just dont take marriage seriously enough nowadays :(

that does seem to be true more and more :( I know i couldnt trust my last GF to tell the truth nevermind if she cheated! (i used to catch her out a lot - lying about leukemia ended really)

but im so happy with my gf of the last two years :) we are so far apart and yet she can trust me and i can trust her

She has a good friend in you:)

very true and i echo miranda's sentiments - tell her.
angel eyes 1 | 131  
5 May 2007 /  #6
sHE IS MAKING A hUGE mistake.she,s only marrying him then because she feels sorry for him not because she loves him and she obviously doesn,t love him because she has cheated.This marriage will end up in the divorce courts She needs to wake up and smell the roses,
Pawel 3 | 125  
5 May 2007 /  #7
^^ Totally agree with angel eyes
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
5 May 2007 /  #8
why is marriage even being talked about...?
Pawel 3 | 125  
5 May 2007 /  #9
She wants hes money....
angel eyes 1 | 131  
5 May 2007 /  #10
Maybe but the idea im getting is that she thinks he couldn,t cope with life without her if she leaves him or doesn,t marry him.

But what way will he cope if he finds out she doesn,t really love him AFTER they are married. Thats like rubbing salt into the wound!!!!

Either way this fella,s gonna get hurt!
Pawel 3 | 125  
5 May 2007 /  #11
Best to be honest everthing else will come after..
The one thing that makes me angry is a partner cheating plus trying to get on with live knowing that there not loyal... I dont know how you could sleep at night with them as if nothing ever happend and living life for that mater.
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
5 May 2007 /  #12
yeah... i would like to believe that shes a woman who cares so much about his feelings that she couldnt bare to leave him because of the hurt it would cause... but she cheated on him so thats obviously a load of crock...
angel eyes 1 | 131  
5 May 2007 /  #13
i agree bubba the correct title for this thread should be "HE IS DOOMED"!
Kr24  
5 May 2007 /  #14
I think HE is doomed because he thought of marriage with a cheap polish slut ( your friend) who cheated on HIM . She thinks she is doing charity for HIM by staying in a relationship. What do you think HE would think if he knows his fiance is f_cking other guys? Not a very prospect for marriage ;)

She will manage somehow as some loser will accept her even though she might be a slut . HE is the one who is going to loose if he isn't stupid to know her true character. Her feelings for HIM is bull_shit as you said she cheated on her fiance . It shows that she doesnt love him rather than living with delirium.

I wonder if many polish girls are like this . Cheating their boyfriends/husbands without any regrets and actually "worrying " about their husbands/boyfriends even though there is something seriously wrong with their character?

HE is DOOMED for sure

My two cents
Curious George  
5 May 2007 /  #15
This idea that she doesn't want to break up with him because she is too important to him is the biggest bunch of bs I've ever heard -- well, not actually, because I've heard worse.

Relationships are complicated animals. I can understand inherent paradoxes in people's thoughts and emotions, but this one is absurd. An understandable but indefensible paradox would be "I really love him, but we're having massive problems right now/he's always out of town..."

This is bull. My unsubstantiated guess would be that she is in it for money or perceived practical advantages.

BTW, the idea of a guy not feeling comfortable around in-laws is not a unique phenomenon.

What is the deal with Polish women cheating in serious relationships? I could be wrong, but it seems to happen disproportionately.
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
5 May 2007 /  #16
What is the deal with Polish women cheating in serious relationships? I could be wrong, but it seems to happen disproportionately.

Does it? I know a lot of people cheat period. I wasn't aware of it being PL women....are you aware of so amny examples that would make it "disproportionately"?
sparrow 2 | 243  
5 May 2007 /  #17
What is the deal with Polish women cheating in serious relationships? I could be wrong, but it seems to happen disproportionately.

Cheating happens in all nationalities & I doubt it happens more in Poland. Since you are reading a Polish forum & all the cheating stuff relates to Poles.. you could get that idea.
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
5 May 2007 /  #18
Have they actually set a date for the wedding or are they just engaged to be married?
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
5 May 2007 /  #19
he only sends her an email once a week.

"he loves me too much"

It seems not.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
5 May 2007 /  #20
he only sends her an email once a week.

Quoting: nauczyciel
"he loves me too much"
It seems not.

what about him is right!! geese people, for once, lets see both sides!!

if someone loves you, they want to talk with you every day, not email once a week.
deprived in love, you can stray, it happens , because we think we are missing
something, and someone nice comes along and starts talking your language, I am
sure things can go in directions we normally wouldnt go.

a slut is someone who goes out looking for sex all the time, not one time cheat.

I am not saying its right, but it happens all the time, and its apparent that these two
are not meant to be together, six months is a long time, if he was truely in love with
her, he would want everything to do with her, not everything his way and to not
want to accept her family is totally making him the jerk, I dont blame her for straying
he basically wants a robot, forget marriage, thats not even a option at this point.

she shouldnt feel guilty either, his lack of respect for her and her family he deserves
to be dumped. sie la vie <~in other words so long sucka!!

ps. tell her how fair is it for him to be so disrespectful to not be a part of her whole
family, thats important because when she gets married, is he going to seclude her
from visiting? and her be stuck in a go no-where cook me dinner your my slave
relationship??

I dont think so, get out while the getting is still good!!
he sounds like a pigheaded jerk!

email once a week, oh thats really romantic of him... what are you thinking!!

dump- a hundred times dump.. much nicer men out there who are deserving of
a caring person whom they will visit her parents accept her as who she is..

It seems not.

I agree with this post all the way,, hes the one who needs to be throw out let the
door hit you in the arse.. even thought hes out of town now, I would be making
him out of town for good!!

once a week email, I cant get over that.. sounds like a man who is so in love!
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
6 May 2007 /  #21
are you aware of so amny examples that would make it "disproportionately"?

yes

said it here before... and not wanting to generalise, of course... but polish women and infidelity have for many years been synonimous... ive confronted friends about it on a number of occassions over the years when trying to come to terms with it and the explination seems to be that during communist times there wasnt a great deal to do but drink wodka and fcuk... some habits are hard to give up apparently...

actually... what i think i have said here before is that what i, as a british man, deem socially acceptable behaviour for someone in a relationship seems to be very different from what i have witnessed and experienced in poland...

this is why you wont see me posting about my wonderful polish girlfriend on here... dont have one and dont want one...
Matyjasz 2 | 1,544  
6 May 2007 /  #22
but polish women and infidelity have for many years been synonymous...

Are those friends the hard-core Sopot clubbers you mentioned somewhere before?
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
6 May 2007 /  #23
some of them will fall into that category... but by no means all...
Matyjasz 2 | 1,544  
6 May 2007 /  #24
Well, the club going people are not very representative of any nation. They tend to be very hedonistic. But since you say that it's not the case... Well I will just like to state that it's the first time I heard that polish women and infidelity are synonymous. :)
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
6 May 2007 /  #25
first time I heard that polish women and infidelity are synonymous

yes mat... its a sweeping statement and not one i make lightly
angel eyes 1 | 131  
6 May 2007 /  #26
some of them will fall into that category... but by no means all...

i agree with bubba here all nationalities have these people. its unfair to just accuse Polish women. My Polish boyfriend had a woman all along in his own country. But i couldnt accuse all polish men of this.

once a week email,

I agree with some of your points 2 patty an e-mail once a week is not enough to sustain a relationship so its all pretty much doomed anyway
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
6 May 2007 /  #27
My Polish boyfriend had a woman all along in his own country. But i couldnt accuse all polish men of this.

of course not... but i does seem to be becoming a bit of a theme...
angel eyes 1 | 131  
6 May 2007 /  #28
It does bubba but we are helpless to stop this ,all we can do is learn something from it and try to move on, peoples hearts are getting broken here but its a sad fact of life..:(
Hueg - | 320  
6 May 2007 /  #29
sie la vie <~in other words so long sucka!!

lol

I never knew that.

B*witched. What have you done to me?

C'est la vie.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
6 May 2007 /  #30
C'est la vie.

Thanks hueg,, lol , I think they knew what I was referring to..

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