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Dating a Polish guy for the first time ever in my life


londongirl08 1 | 2  
1 Nov 2008 /  #1
Hi everyone,

I am so going to get flamed in a min by everyone but here goes...and please just try to understand I am being honest, and Im sure im not the only one who has ever had these thoughts when in a similar situation...

My mother is Polish, and my father is English, I was born in Warsaw but we moved when I was one, so my whole life (im now 26) was spent in London. After graduating, I am now a model. I always dated the same kind of guys- rich business types, lawyers, etc...Guys who i had a great lifestyle with- going to 5 star restraunts, hotels, holidays, shopping trips etc. I was also engaged to a wonderful guy who treated me like a princess- he was so sweet, caring, the perfect future husband but unfortunetly due to his ex wife it didnt work out. Its not like i would go out of my way to look for RICH guys, im certainly no gold digger I have my own great job that pays very well, but its just the kind of men i would meet with the job i have...im ysed to a certain lifestyle i guess...

anyway a few months ago i went to poland with my mother where i met a great polish guy. Hes good looking and caring, and romantic he's a complete gentleman. He opens me doors, (wont even let me get out of a cab without him opening the door!) and everything was great at first. Now certain things are starting to irratate me: 1. he never calls me, i have to call him. i think this is because he cant afford it (he works in an office but this is his first job after high school so i heard from my mother who is good friends with his dad that he doesnt get paid much) My phone bill is already £300 and im only half way through the month. 2. i just went to visit him again- his card got declined n pizza hut. i had to pay- i paid for mostly everything i have never paid like this before.

Its not even 50-50. Hes very good looking but i have to think of my future. he says he loves me and wants to marry me! he told me this after 1 week. he cried when i left. i know he really is into me but he is so different to other guys ive met.

unless its me paying we dont go out. he says he wants to come to london to get a job- his english isnt good enough to get an office type job yet, so he wants to work in a restraunt- anywhere- as long as he can be with me. so in the meantime, im paying all the bills, house etc.

no way.

i am just not used to this kind of situation and i feel really wierd. i really like him but im just used to a better lifestyle...
gtd 3 | 639  
1 Nov 2008 /  #2
Read what you wrote and it will be clear. Marriage after a week? That right there is a huge alarm bell.
osiol 55 | 3,922  
1 Nov 2008 /  #3
I am so going to get flamed in a min by everyone

I'll save my matches for another time. I will be slightly negative though.

For some people it's easier to get someone than to keep them. Mention of marriage after a week! Here we have one side of a story, but from the way it appears, it's not going anywhere. They say start as you mean to go on, but if the "as you go on" phase starts with not calling and generally seeming at least slightly indifferent then perhaps it is not to be.

Some differences can be overcome because you both want to and nothing else matters. If there are niggling doubts now, then you can only expect more to come.

By the way, I'm no expert.
Krzysztof 2 | 973  
1 Nov 2008 /  #4
We start taking bets if the girl is for real or maybe some PF poster was bored (not much happening on All Saints' Day here) and created a new nick to present us her "story" :)
OP londongirl08 1 | 2  
1 Nov 2008 /  #5
Thank you :) this guy only starting talking about marriage now, so 2 months on, after 1 week he told me he loved me. he said he knew he shouldnt have told me, his friends said he shouldnt have told me, that it was too soon but he said he just knew. My mother and his father dated when they were young too..ive known his father all my life, he has always been a good family friend but i only just met his son a few months ago. so i know he comes from a good family, i have met all his friends who tell me all the time how much he talks about me etc.

when i came out to poland again a week ago we had a huge arguement about his lack of calling. i know it was about money and eventually he did tell me but he seems to have a huge problem discussing anything to do with money as he says it makes him feel **** about himself. he finally broke down and told me he feels im too good for him, that by me earning so much more than him (although in london terms im not making that much) makes him feel less of a man etc...

communication is also tough sometimes. we speak polish, and my polish is average at best. as is his english. we are always mis understanding each other resulting in one of us getting upset...i dont know...feels like there are too many negatives than positives. i would never move to poland. he knows this. he says he will come to london but however many people say love is all that counts not money, love wont pay the bills...
Filios1 8 | 1,336  
1 Nov 2008 /  #6
Its not even 50-50.

I would lose him, if I were you.
OP londongirl08 1 | 2  
1 Nov 2008 /  #7
what? i am so going off polish guys right now...i have never even been on here before!!! lol
Filios1 8 | 1,336  
1 Nov 2008 /  #8
i am so going off polish guys right now

All I'm saying is that from the sounds of things, he's taking advantage of you, I havn't seen or talked to the guy, so its a bit difficult to judge.
osiol 55 | 3,922  
1 Nov 2008 /  #9
love wont pay the bills

But love can make you happy, happiness can make your outlook on life positive, positivity can expand your horizons, expanded horizons can lead to better job prospects, a better job sometimes pays more money. Anyway, I don't think it's just Polish people who find it difficult talking about money, particularly when they feel they aren't cutting the mustard in the wallet department.

You must have guessed what kind of responses you'd get.
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
1 Nov 2008 /  #10
What is the question anyway? Are you asking for advice on how to get rid of him?
z_darius 14 | 3,968  
2 Nov 2008 /  #11
this guy only starting talking about marriage now, so 2 months on, after 1 week he told me he loved me.

What a nerve!
Two months? Two long months before he proposed?

(are you gonna buy him an engagement ring?)
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
2 Nov 2008 /  #12
My phone bill is already £300 and im only half way through the month.

you can call him thru skype it's very cheap, or buy phonecards

he seems to have a huge problem discussing anything to do with money as he says it makes him feel **** about himself

no wonder it makes him feel crap if he can't even afford to call you or pay a bill for your dinner

all i have to say is that i'm having similar thoughts to the majority of people here. but then maybe he is being so forward with his love confession and marriage proposal cos he doesn't want to lose you, or more like he's afraid for you to lose interest in a poor Polish guy that he is. i definitely wouldn't say yes to him don't get me wrong lol, but next time you're in Poland, or whenever you meet, try to find cheaper alternatives of spending time together, such as spending an evening indoors with a home cooked meal and a rented dvd. see how he behaves, if he's going to complain about spending time at home, or if he's gonna do his best to make it a great night anyway. cos if he insists, giving any reasons, that you should go out, then he is after your money dear.

i know you're used to men wining and dining you and i have absolutely no problem with that, but see how you feel about this working out in the long term. this guy is still very young. i know money can't buy you love, but it definitely helps feeling more secure and as a result happy. so finding cheaper alterntaives for contact such as skype (you can make unlimited calls to landlines in Poland or in fact any European country through skype for just £3.50 a month) or e-mails, and cheaper alternatives of spending time together will definitely make things easier, especially for you. good luck.
Doubtfullove 4 | 28  
2 Nov 2008 /  #13
this relationship is not going to be easy, especially since you are used to being wined and dined. I had a similar experience with my boyfriend, i earn a lot more money than he does and when we first met i found it annoying, but we we really liked being together and worked it out. I still pay for a lot more things but don't worry about it so much anymore. As the saying goes, you can't get blood from a stone - if he doesn't have the money then he can't give it out. He makes up for it in lots of other ways. So maybe your guy will turn out to be good in other ways. You have been used to guys paying for things as a way of then showing that they like and respect you, with your polish guy you will both need to find other ways to show this.

If this guy wants to come to london and you want to give it a go then go for it. I would say to you not to live with him to start but say he must be independent. Then see how it goes.
polishcanuck 7 | 462  
3 Nov 2008 /  #14
I always dated the same kind of guys- rich business types, lawyers, etc...Guys who i had a great lifestyle with- going to 5 star restraunts, hotels, holidays, shopping trips etc.

im certainly no gold digger

Ok.

he cant afford it

his card got declined n pizza hut. i had to pay

he says he loves me and wants to marry me! he told me this after 1 week.

What?? After so many polish female golddigger stories on this forum, could this possibly be the first male golddigger on PF??? I ... ummm ... am ... speechless and totally unprepared.

he is so different to other guys ive met.

What's wrong with different guys? Listen, if you're happy with him stay put and see what happens. Maybe eventually he'll learn english and find a better paying job. Statistically speaking, a high percentage of relationships where the female is wealthier than the male end in failure, but maybe you'll find happiness.
lovelockdown - | 3  
18 Nov 2008 /  #15
OMG. I feel for you. Looks is not everyting. You don't know this guy that long and he is asking to marry you. Red alert. Time to move forward and he is not even your type. Why waste anymore of your time and money on someone who you complain already on such a short time.
Krzysztof 2 | 973  
18 Nov 2008 /  #16
We start taking bets if the girl is for real or maybe some PF poster was bored (not much happening on All Saints' Day here) and created a new nick to present us her "story" :)

well, who was that "girl"?
sausage 19 | 777  
18 Nov 2008 /  #17
golddigger

I just happen to be writing something in Polish about a gold-digger, is there a better word than materialistka?
pawian 161 | 9,971  
18 Nov 2008 /  #18
is there a better word than materialistka?

Material girl. Madonna sang about it.
JacekinLAnNY - | 24  
23 Nov 2008 /  #20
Even if you both have strong and genuine feelings for one another it will not work out. Money or the lack of it puts a huge stress on a relationship... especially from a woman's perspective. The animosity will build till it becomes a love-hate thing.

And more wasted time...
Tanya Nikii - | 4  
30 Nov 2008 /  #21
I have a similar situation. I'm not a model or a gold-digger, but it is hard. My mom thinks my guy should treat me like a queen. But he swears up and down that he's broke. He makes twice as much money as I do, and he doesn't need to pay rent (his job covers that) but he never offers any monetary support. And if I ask, the answer is "no." And yet he says he wants to get married and have kids. But marriage and parenting is about love, sacrifice and yes, money. Right now we can't talk about anything money-related without getting into an argument. Plus, I can't stand it when he tries to sell me things he's had for years. These items could have been given to him for free, but still, he tries to make a buck off me. I've definitely spent a whole lot more on him in the past two years than he's spent on me.

I can't tell you what to do, in your situation. But I know it's difficult, at least when you make less and live in an expensive city. It's just hard when you have to put down the majority of the cash in the relationship. And sometimes it hurts. Money is such a sore subject with him. I just wish he could relax about it. Money comes and goes. That's the way it works. It's okay. But the harder you try to hold onto something, the more likely it is to slip through your fingers.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
8 Dec 2008 /  #22
Since when do models eat at Pizza Hut??

there is a credit crunch on you know.. and they do have a nice salad bar.

If you care for someone it doesnt matter if he has got money or not.. well it shouldnt. However, since the OP is undoubtedly shallow it definitely does to her, therefore this is a match made in hell.. she should give it up now and go back to rich boys.

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