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Dating a Polish girl - need some advice


david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #1
I have been working with a polish girl and she was always smiling at me and looking at me. She then asked me when i was going to take her out so i did, took her to a nice wine bar for a bottle of white and then for a meal. I really like this girl, she is beautiful, funny and caring. i treat her like a princess and to me nationality is not an issue. She is a person like me at the end of the day

However, on about our 5th or 6th date she has told me that she has a polish boyfriend and they have been together for 4 years. This shocked me but for me it is too late now because i am falling for her. We have kissed but nothing else and i dont know what to do about this. She is scared about changing her life. I know this. Maybe she thinks i will change in the future but i wont. I am 23 and studying the final year of my law degree and this is really occupying all of my thoughts. Any advice?
Kowalski 7 | 621  
30 Sep 2006 /  #2
My advice: Tell her to stop seeing polish dude and demand to be number one and only.
If she says she needs time or something similar dump her and wait to see... wheather she's back or not.
OR
Talk to her (ex) boyfriend and tell him to get lost.
Marzena 2 | 122  
30 Sep 2006 /  #3
so what is she doing in the UK? is she going to stay there? looks like there's something wrong with her relationship with the polish bf. at least she didn't lie about it.
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #4
this seems a little harsh. i dont want to hurt the girl even though this is hurting me.

shes working in the uk, and maybe its a long term thing. somethings not right in her relationship but 4 years is a long time. they came to the uk together only 6 months ago
Marzena 2 | 122  
30 Sep 2006 /  #5
if she wants to keep both you and her bf, then ask yourself if you're ok with that... otherwise, she must make a decision and stick to it. what did she say about her boyfriend and their relationship?
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #6
she says he loves her and at one time she loved him but her feelings are changing for him.
Marzena 2 | 122  
30 Sep 2006 /  #7
then lets see if she means what she says, if she doesn't love him then she should break up with him.
old punk - | 25  
30 Sep 2006 /  #8
You can't love two people at the same time. Period. So where do her intentions lie?
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #9
to be honest your guess is as good as mine. it will be hard for her to break up with him. they share a house, car etc
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
30 Sep 2006 /  #10
I wouldn't trust her just because of the fact that she already cheated on him. Not really a good character there. Who say's she won't do the same to you in the future...if ever.
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #11
She seems like such a sweet girl though. sometimes i think i can be to nice and sometimes i need to be harder but i dont want to lose her
old punk - | 25  
30 Sep 2006 /  #12
I wouldn't trust her just because of the fact that she already cheated on him. Not really a good character there. Who say's she won't do the same to you in the future...if ever.

Good point. Kissing is cheating. If she cheats on him why not you? Many people from other less-developed countries are looking to better themselves at any cost. She may or may not fall into that class. She may just not be happy in her present relationship, and be honestly interested in you, but....
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #13
Im not some old man looking for a polish girl because of superficial reasons. I am 23 and alot of the polish girls who i talk to and have worked with say i am good looking. the more i talk to this girl, the more i am falling for her. i cant help it.
Marzena 2 | 122  
30 Sep 2006 /  #14
no, don't damn people like that because they made a mistake. she didn't completely cheat and she said the truth about her relationship. you just need to understand the situation better, but in either case, she must make a decision and stick to it.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
30 Sep 2006 /  #15
If you can't love two different people, you can depend on them but for different reasons.
Also, if you are liberated and young you might think [while one partner isn't looking] that you can have the best of both worlds.

There are plenty people who go two-timing.

This of course doesn't help David2312. But, David2312 you said you won't change and you said she is scared of changing her life.

She should think about her true feelings. He should show a little more compromise.

But on the other hand, was she just looking for a friend and it went too far.

David2312, you have to talk to her.
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #16
thanks marzena, i think if this girl was english it would be easy. but i think her boyfriend does not mix much with other people and maybe she feels sorry for him. if she leaves him he will have no-one. the easy option here is for her to stay with her boyfriend but everybody knows the easiest option is not always the best.

wroclaw, i would do anything for this girl and change in any which way was needed. she is always gazing into my eyes which for me is powerful. She kissed me and she started this whole thing. When she kissed me i knew she had a boyfriend and many times i turned away but after 4 or 5 times it was too much. It was a special moment, it wasnt rushed, we held hands for hours and kissed. This is why i dont think it is a small thing. I know she has real feelings for me.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
30 Sep 2006 /  #17
She has taken the easy option. And that is to play both you and the other guy.
That's why you have to talk.
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
30 Sep 2006 /  #18
she didn't completely cheat

Ok what do you consider cheating then? Hypothetically speaking, if your boyfriend kisses another woman you're ok with this?
old punk - | 25  
30 Sep 2006 /  #19
What do they say about having your cake and eating it too?
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #20
maybe i am being a little naive. She comes across as so innocent but who knows
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
30 Sep 2006 /  #21
Sunday is a day off. Go for a coffee with her and talk this thing through.
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #22
On Monday we will talk but at the moment we are going around in circles.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
30 Sep 2006 /  #23
david2312,

I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
30 Sep 2006 /  #24
Yeah Good luck!
old punk - | 25  
30 Sep 2006 /  #25
Ahhhhh...love.... Isn't life fun!
Marzena 2 | 122  
30 Sep 2006 /  #26
Ok what do you consider cheating then? Hypothetically speaking, if your boyfriend kisses another woman you're ok with this?

I said "not completely", but of course it's just a slightly lesser crime, still cheating though. I feel bad for her boyfriend, especially if he really loves her.
OP david2312  
30 Sep 2006 /  #27
Thanks alot for all your input. There are some really nice and helpful people on here and i think i will be back. Do widzenia.
old punk - | 25  
30 Sep 2006 /  #28
I said "not completely", but of course it's just a slightly lesser crime, still cheating though. I feel bad for her boyfriend, especially if he really loves her.

Thank you for clearing that up. I was wondering the same thing.
Marzena 2 | 122  
30 Sep 2006 /  #29
i was just trying to say that it's not a black and white situation and it's bad to condemn someone forever right away. her boyfriend might not forgive her, because it's really terrible what she's doing to him, but that doesn't automatically mean that she's a terrible person who should never be trusted. it might be the case actually, but you gotta get to know the person to make that kind of judgment.
krysia 23 | 3,057  
30 Sep 2006 /  #30
I think she better think what she's doing, because if she ever gets married to her bf, and doesn't love him, then I smell a divorce in the future.

But then again it's a hard decission for her to make, because she shares a house, a car and other expenses with him and she doesn't have to worry about that.

But, if there is no love, the relationship won't last.
Love is what holds everything together and sometimes it's worth it to be poor. And when you love that one person in your life, nothing else matters.

Does she really love you or is it just a passing thing?
Sometimes you have to wait, get to know each other better and things will work out.

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