Confused English man: is she stringing me along or is she confused?

Speaking as someone who has burned all my bridges to free myself, and who is out here getting my own perspective on a long distance relationship which may or may not ever go anywhere I do feel for you. Forgetting is not easy and you're throwing everything you can into it.

If you want to talk to someone with some insight into the highs and lows of long distance just drop me a private message.

In these 4.5 years has the relationship reached the bedroom. ???

Good Luck to waveydave!

You have put a lot of your life into this. I hope it will turn out in a good way for you. But you must also be aware of the possibility that you will never get her. And you must have a plan for that scenario as well.


Probably not, coming from a very deeply religious family.

And as far as I understand there is not really a "relationship" at all, just being friends. Her mother and brother would probably freak out because she has already been divorced once. I think this story smells traditional values in severe excess.

Thanks for the replies.

We did make it to the bedroom, but not completely. I don't want to go into details.

I think I have to go to Poland and take a gamble. If it doesn't work out, then I will be unhappy but at least I will have tried.

It's always better to know yes or no. It's better to get a 'no' and then move on, than just don't know and waste your time. You deserve something better than just wait your whole life for something you don't know if you'll get or not.

I understand that it can be difficult for her and that she needs time. But you have given her 4.5 years. That's more than enough.

waveydave, people on this forum, as well intentioned as we are, can only give you assessments of the situation based on your posts. We cannot get into this lady's head & see what she's thinking & how she feels about you.

Before you take the drastic step of moving to Poland permanently, have a serious, decisive talk with her. Give her a time limit - either the 2 of you are going to be married on such & such date, or the relationship is over. 4.5 years is a long time to invest in a relationship in which the other person seems to be calling all the shots. It's your turn and indeed your right to be proactive & determine where this relationship is going. It's your life. Good luck.

Thanks mate. You are a really good guy.

I will see how she reacts to my idea about moving to Poland, and take it from there.

Maybe try to drag her to your place, instead of comming here : o ?

I wouldn't ask for that, because her daughter is starting school soon and she (the daughter) is close to the whole family in Poland.

It seems a huge gamble if after 4.5 years nothing as happened, surely if something was going to happen it would have by now?

I was blessed to realize v. early in life that people will only accept advice which confirms their intentions & dismiss opinions to the contrary. You are my latest confirmation of this theory.

Read this thread waveydave! EVERY person commenting is telling you either gently or forthrightly that this relationship is not going anywhere & you're being played. Ponder it.

My good sir you need to go sit down with her have an honest talk, from what you're saying i gather you're tired of the situation so tell her that its time to make up her mind, you may or may not get an answer you want but you will get an honest one, if you pressure her and she still doesnt know it means you're being screwed.

Honest face to face convo, no detours, no text messages.


This is my personal assesment and you still need that talk to be sure but she is playing you, probably she's not fully aware of that but she likes you, you might be a good lay, you're a foreigner and if you're white thats something to show off to her friends but she doesnt want to commit, 3 years is a LOT of time to decide, just have a talk and if she's still "confused" crap on the relationship with warm wet feces and move on.

Yes, I know Anubis. But, like you said before, you don't know the full situation.

I do think about what everybody says, really. I can't help what I feel, maybe love is blind.

That it is...& speaking from personal experience, it also robs us of common sense. We focus on the object of our desire so intently that reality gets blurred. Only in retrospect we figuratively smack ourselves on forehead & sigh "how could I have been so stupid? why couldn't I see straight?". However this turns out, it's an experience on your life's journey. I wish you the very best.

If its blind in your age than you must be bloody immature, whenever people say "love is blind" they're really saying "i'm an immature bugger who cant cope with the situation", everything could be solved with a straight conversation a 3 years ago, 2 years and it can be solved now.

People who claim love is blind need to be shot.

If shot, they'll never get a chance to mature.

Screw 'em i just want an excuse to shoot people, love is not blind, it doesnt rob us of common sense, i see no reason why i can have my eyes wide open to my girls faults and love her despite them but keep them in mind, then i can avoid or even prevent nasty suprises.

Hopefull wishfulls who say "love is blind" are failures waiting to happen.

This girl I am talking about has commitment issues, sure. She has a daughter to protect. She will only commit if she is really sure - and rightfully so. I've been patient and continue to do so.

Just because people tell me I'm wrong to be so determined, doesn't make me wrong.

I appreciate all your comments, really, but I don't think I'm so immature.... and I'd rather you didn't shoot me ;)

Dude it's been 4.5 years and just a peck on the cheek.......

Patience is an admirable virtue, but the situation as it stands is obviously bothering you, or you wouldn't be discussing it here.

Understatement of the year.

With you she does, it doesnt mean that she will have them with the next man, i'm betting that when she meets a guy she really fancies you will be amazed how her "commitment issues" disseapar.

Again you need to talk with her but it seems you're a "just in case" guy if she doesnt meet someone of interest.


It makes you naive and yes it does make you wrong, you need an honest talk, an honest answer and then to consequently take steps in accordance with what she tells you, atm you're just wasting your life.


Just look at yourself buddy, you've got it all worked out dont you? After 3 long years during which a naive guy like you tried to be his best she still "doesnt know" and you built a comfy story to it on how its all about her daughter and commitment issues.

A woman always knows what she wants, if she says she doesnt know it typically translates into "i dont want to give you what you want but i want you around" so be prepared to be her "friend" untill she meets a guy she fancies and dumps you like trash.

When one person tells you you're a horse - get offended
When a second person tells you you're a horse - think about it
When a third person tells you you're a horse - buy a saddle.

Now count the posts on this thread - it's enough for a saddle, bridle & a horse blanket.

Yup..

Well tell us the full situation the!

So simplistic ...

However Sokrates, I think I love you. Thank you. Brutal as that is, it's a good thing to have posted.

Has she dated other men during her time of not being sure about you?

She isnt intersted, as Americans say your being played. Stop wasting any more of your time, lots of of other beautiful girls in Poland. You probably wont listen to anyone here anyway, but I suspect she just wants a friend and will use you as such until someone better comes along

Probably right, if she wants him as a friend couldn't she just communicate that to him? That's not difficult.

No and she told me she wouldn't for me. I haven't dated other women either.