I cheated on my girlfriend (I'm British, my gf is Polish)

There's a difference in forgiving and accepting the man back into your life.....I have found when I practice forgiveness, many times it is more for me than the individual I am forgiving.....it's accepting that they are human and will make mistakes......doesn't mean I have to stay around and wait for them to make another mistake.

that's the last stage Bub...acceptance. You're almost there mate! :)

anything for a quiet life mate... learnt that one ages ago... and when it all gets a bit too much, fek off to the pub...

lol

Iceberg.

<general panic and commotion>

Which way to the lifeboats?
Dunno mate, all I know is, is that the bar's on B deck. That any help to you? :)

Errr?
I'll order you a Mae West. She'll be right. :)

But that;s not what I am saying. To automatically jump to assigning blame to ANYONE doesn't always help. I am saying it takes two to make a problem or SOLVE a problem. How well a relationship works often depends on how you solve problems. I'm gonna look for a guy that I can cooperate to resolve problems in such a way, that they are really solved, and don't keep coming back to haunt us. With skills like that, a couple can really grow and deepen their trust.


That is an excellent point, Ranj! Forgiving someone elses FREES "you"!

God Shewolf, that was profound! You are much more mature than I could imagine...sorry to but in.


Statistics say that if a woman cheats this is usually terminal. When a man cheats, he may be forgiven. It was once explained to me it was to do with men (in pre-history) never being able to know for sure if their offspring are really theirs... and thus any break in the trust is terminal.

The only thing that I would like to add to this is, dont fall into the just because
I cheated now she is going to cheat to get me back thinking.

trust is someting you earn, it will take a while , if she loves you, make sure you
give her space , dont hover over her, but dont be so distant. be together but dont
crowd her and be jealous of other men who are just talking. because you know it
will happen eventually , someone will talk to her, and your going to feel insecure
because of your own actions. be a man, and be beside her, not in front of her.

best I can say. hope all the best.

i will do the same.

men tend to cheat a lot easier too because from what im makin out , is that most times sex is just sex for men, where as us women are more emotional about it

we put a lot more feeling into it and see it as an emotional bonding process.
Now obviously this can happen with men too when they fall in love etc but men can switch off and just shag the nearest available person when they feel the urge!

men do succumb to the sexual desires easier than women. to say men think with their penis is true some of the time.

more often then not, they regret the action, guilt, built into them from social 'norms' educated into us since children.

But some men get away with it and enjoy the thrill.
Women too can enjoy the thrill. But I wonder if the thrill more than the sex is the driving force there. as not being caught gives a sense of power to the person.

I wouldn't cheat and I know that I could be tempted if I had alcohol in me. So I don't drink so much that I cannot realise my actions - also, I stick with my friends who would look out for me. I admit its not ideal but I realise that men are easy at times. and i dont want to be a cheater so I dont allow myself the chance. Ive never cheated in the past - but know its all to easy at times. Ive been in tempting situations and haven't succombed but i was lucky not to be weakened with alcohol. for eg.

Yeah, that's me too! I have a hard time believing people who say things like "I didn't know what I was doing". No matter how much I drank, I still knew my name, where I was, and what I was doing! But I don't really know what it is like for other people, because I'm not them. Maybe alcohol affects people differently. (It certainly seems to make some people agressive and ready for a fight).

I haven't gotten the impression from Sad Guy that cheating is likely to be habittual for him. He has remorse for what happened, he wants to keep the relationship. I think he will learn something from this experience. Why come on to a forum asking for advice, when he has to know he's probably going to get hammered by a lot of people who don't approve? Anyone can make a mistake. I think he is sincere.

They still have a lot to work out. Maybe they will get through it.....maybe they won't.
I think it will take her a long time to trust him again. He has to be willing to accept the consequences, and be patient while she tries to learn to trust him again. It is up to these two to decide if the realtionship is worth the price.

simple if you cheat you get dumped, no second chances

If you think statistically the number of men who cheat has to be the same to the number of women who cheat.Otherwise the men would cheat by sleeping with themselves or with other guys cheating.

The other possibility is that some girls who cheat,sleep with more men on average than average men who cheat.This means that if cheating affects let us say 40% of relationships,there would be 20% of men cheating with a 10% of women cheaters if in a relationship only a man or a woman would cheat but not both of them.But if we add realistic 15% of cases where both cheat,we come to the conclusion that in order to accept that more men than women cheat,we have to assume that women who cheat do it on average double or triple than men who cheat or that there are some super sluts who sleep eith hundrends of guys without having a relationship and so they raise the proprtion of male cheaters disproportionally.

I tend to believe most women would prefer the latter to be the case.

SG - I havent cheated and would never aim to. I outline that i know my weaknesses and try to shore them up -in the ways i mention.

Im in a long distance relationship and have been for two years. Ive not yet looked at another women and said i want to be with her :) sure we look and say wow but thats a different thing.

and acting on that is truly a crossing of lines.

:)

yawn, men cheat women cheat no matter what religion or race in general men cheat because they weak willed women cheat for lots of other reasons :)

Yes but with who do they cheat them?I mean to cheat it needs two parts.Are most women free and most men in a relationship as to cheat?When free women sleep with them,do they not know they are already in relationship?When commited women sleep with free men,this is not called cheating?This is deep desire for love?

a single woman sleeping with a married man is wrong, but she isnt committed to another person - he is - so therefore she is not cheating on anyone. I think the numbers of men cheating v's women cheating is probably the same.

There are just as many examples of two people cheating and both are already married.

the only reason its 'cheating' is that one or both persons already have a partner

I still stand by cheaters do not deserve a second chance no matter what

I agreed - trust is gone. relationship to me is damaged to a point I cannot see I could personally get over. Always doubting my partner - no way to live.

Like I said before, you are a rare and special gem! :)


I think the stats are close to "even" between men and women in Europe. I was reading an article last month on MSN about the differences in attitudes about cheating between US in Europe. The article said the Europeans are much more discreet with affairs and are more likely to view them as non threatening to the relationship, whereas in America they are more "in your face" and usually result in breakups. I don't agree with everything in the article, but it was interesting. They also said that part of the allure for cheating was in "not getting caught" and that there is an understood contract in an affair "you don't do anything to jeopardize my primary relationship" or it is over.

thats called having a mistress, not an affair.

In your mind, how do you separate the two? What is the difference.

a mistress is usually known about by the wife and is accepted to a certain level, usually associated with the more upper class of society and viewed as less sorded.

Do you think this happens very often?

Ridiculous! Which low lifes are you talking about?

oddly this is what has happend LS in many high circles esp of old! when you had arranged marriages for eg.

dont agree with it but its happened and it was just being pointed out i think

not so much these days, we are talking about extremely wealthy men who's wives have a very nice lifestyle who accept these kind of thing.


These are very well educated people and by no means low life and how can you say ridiculous to something you know nothing about.

And as Mr D mentions this is not something that happens too much these days, and when he says arranged marriage, he means marriages for status and family alliances.

---

I most certainly do not agree, I was merely pointing out to SG the difference between an affair and a mistress

That is what I would expect.
Something like what happened with Princes Diana and Prince Charles: trapped in a loveless marriage and staying in it for children, having affairs to make it bearable.

Is that what you meant (Daffy and Shelley)?

tis true. its what i was saying. mistresses in this envoirn were considered 'norm' many generations ago due to the highly 'political' nature of arranged marriages

but going back to today and cheating on a partner - it IS a taboo and generally accepted as a 'no no' thankfully. And to commit such an act is to end the relationship IMHO