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My Polish boyfriend never says 'l love you' to me, what should i do?


away guy 10 | 343  
25 May 2007 /  #61
my polish boyfriend never says 'l love you' to me, what should i do?

Shame poor you, get a life
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
25 May 2007 /  #62
keep financially independent?

Yes.
OP moire 4 | 40  
25 May 2007 /  #63
is it the trend for young polish couple to be financially independent? I thought it happens only in weasten european countries.
in my mind, family means share everything. if you at the begining think of how to protect your money from divorce, why do you get married. just live together is more agreeable.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
25 May 2007 /  #64
oh yes...keep your money separate.. dont get a joint bank account, credit card etc...but consider having a joint account for household bills only.. thats my opinion anyway and nothing to do with nationality.

in my mind, family means share everything. if you at the begining think of how to protect your money from divorce, why do you get married. just live together is more agreeable.

tell that to Paul McCartney!
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
25 May 2007 /  #65
if you at the begining think of how to protect your money from divorce,

It has nothing to do with divorce. It's simply easier to manage your finances.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
25 May 2007 /  #66
Patrycia I love your way with words. :)

lol, thank you, I try to be inspirational when I can :)))

if you at the begining think of how to protect your money from divorce,

Pre-nuptuial agreements.. or am I way ahead of this conversation ? LOL

oops that was meant for moire :))

wroclaw's name was thrown in the quote for some reason... sorry wroclaw :)
you know I still think about doughnuts :) LOL have you brought in any lately?
ewa  
26 May 2007 /  #67
Moire, now it happens more often that they are financially independent, but it is a strange topic still... It's like you don t belive you will be together for whole life.

I think the best is to discuss honestly with your boyfriend.
POlish boys don' t like when they earn less, but of course if you really love each other it will not be a big problem. Life is strange and thigs are changing. Maybe in 5 years he will earn more. The most important thing is if you love each other
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
26 May 2007 /  #68
LOL have you brought in any lately?

I stole the baby's, yesterday.

Only joking. I haven't had one for ages. The shock would be too great, if I found someone had got to it before me.

If you have your own banking before you meet your partner. Why change it. If you are practical at the begining you shouldn't need a pre-nup.

Then there is my wife's method: What's yours is mine and mines my own.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
26 May 2007 /  #69
If you have your own banking before you meet your partner. Why change it. If you are practical at the begining you shouldn't need a pre-nup.

well, i was thinking more in terms of how the movie stars do it here in America.. lol
OP moire 4 | 40  
27 May 2007 /  #70
Then there is my wife's method: What's yours is mine and mines my own.

I like that :D
rachvt - | 25  
1 Jul 2007 /  #71
sorry moire but from a chinese female's point of view, i strongly feel that this relationship is very one-sided (on your part). i want to be nice and beat around the bush like everyone here has done, but i just can't because you are a chinese "sister" to me and i think if i gave you any more indirect answers to your predicament it would detract you from seeing the sense in calling off this relationship. i come from singapore and singaporean women are very independent (financially, emotionally, etc.) and singaporean men are very accepting of this fact (in fact many of them are appreciative if their wives helped contribute a significant amount to the family income) so i don't identify with some of the things you said about chinese men. by the way i am married to a white man (a non-european), fyi, so don't feel that i am biased against white men!

in your case its not really a question of whether the guy is white, chinese, european or not... at the end of the day, human beings are human beings. if he was really serious about you, he would not be so wishy-washy about your relationship and leaving it all up to you to continue the relationship whilst he puts in a lot lesser than you do.

i'm not saying relationships must be 50-50, but even 40-60 is okay. 30-70 is maybe a bit iffy... but in your case, it seems to be 30-70 or even less. This is a highly one-sided, unbalanced relationship kept going by your intensely passionate feelings for him ...

if you gave up on the phonecalling and the poland trips to meet him, would the relationship still work? i doubt it.

okay to be fair to him, maybe he's not being a "player", maybe he's not feeling ready to make a commitment to you because his view of your relationship is basically Negative - this negativity may stem from him feeling that there's no way it can work out well because he isn't financially able to keep it going, and if he has any backbone of his own, he would not feel right about you being the one who contributes the most to the financial aspects (i.e. the airtickets, the calls, etc.) in order to keep the relationship going. He may actually feel that for him, the ideal relationship would be one where he can contribute equally towards it financially, emotionally, etc. He may feel that an ideal relationship would mean that not only is he and the woman deeply in love with each other, but they must also be physically near each other (i.e. living together or in the same district) AND also that they both can maintain the standard of life that they are each used to living without having to "sacrifice" for each other too much in terms of career and paycheck.

In your case this sounds impossible because if you moved near him to be physically near, you will have to sacrifice your career and/or paycheck or the life you are normally accustomed to. He may not like the sound of this - it may sound strange but I have met guys (asian and european) who think like this.

Yet if you didn't move nearer to him to be physically close, you will retain your usual life and career and paycheck, but your relationship would become sort of "long-distance" and maybe he's not really into this kind of relationship either.

This is my opinion only... but I think you would do better to give him an ultimatum of sorts, let him decide if he's willing to get over some of the reasons that's holding him back from committing to you... Remember you cannot hope to change a man. It is up to him to change if he wants to and up to you to accept it.

and if he's unwilling, well... you can still hope for the best but it will be bad for your heart... after all, is it really healthy for you to go through these emotional rollercoasters with him for the rest of your life until one day he either decides to be with you, or he decides to make a clean break with you? Is it worth whiling your remaining years away for something that may never happen??

Anyway, whatever you choose, I won't criticise...
I just wish you good luck in all you do in the future :-)
If you wanna talk privately please contact me privately via clicking on my profile.

Rachel
Ranj 21 | 948  
1 Jul 2007 /  #73
That's what I did, and he's the BEST!!!!! ;)
miranda  
1 Jul 2007 /  #74
Get an Englishman.

I kinda fancy Irish - donno why
Jeska - | 11  
6 Jul 2007 /  #75
It would seem that he really does love you, he likes to show his feelings through action.. If he's anything like me he won't make any promises that he may not fulfill, so he rather prove himself to you than pour out phrases that could mean a multitude of different things, to different people. Love can be decieving, so, sometimes we like to dig further to reveal the true feelings within, which is great for you and your relationship with him because you need somebody truely in touch with your soul desires.

Please remember some guys only say certain things b/c they feel it's like a way in. Maybe he feels secure enough that he need not say or do certain things b/c he thinks you will not leave him. Don't let him feel any better or more secure about the relationship than you do.
PolskaDoll 28 | 2,105  
6 Jul 2007 /  #76
Moire - I've just read this for the first time. Your guy never said he loved you, so when he proposed, did he tell you he loved you then??? I would sincerely hope so! If he did, has he said it since???

If you didn't call him or text him or email him would there be any contact other than MSN???

I sincerely wish you well if this the relationship you want and it works out, you haven't said anything about it since May so I hope that things have changed since then and he is more verbally attentive. If not, then you must find another guy.
kris420 - | 2  
28 Jul 2007 /  #77
if your with me i will tell you that i love you
Lady in red  
28 Jul 2007 /  #78
Awwww ten out of ten for trying.......:)
Amathyst 19 | 2,702  
28 Jul 2007 /  #79
Stop flirting, Im keeping an eye on you on OR's behalf, Ive bought a hat, or had you forgotten :)
Lady in red  
28 Jul 2007 /  #80
Lol Amathyst........I'm not flirting honestly. I'm being good......:)
Amathyst 19 | 2,702  
28 Jul 2007 /  #81
Im watching you <points fingers at LIR in an "Im watching you kinda way">

Okay im off behave while Im gone, because I'll be check your posts and reporting back to Mr Future LIR :) !
Lady in red  
28 Jul 2007 /  #82
'll be check your posts and reporting back to Mr Future LIR :) !

You are so funny <grin>

Have a nice evening. I must go in a short while as well.............

.........Ossie take no notice of Amathyst. She is just messing about :)
OP moire 4 | 40  
29 Jul 2007 /  #83
Hi, guys,
I am moving to England at the end of this September.
It was my bf who wanted to live in England, i tried, and got a permenant job there, but he is hesitating leaving poland now, his business runs better

He said he loves me very much, it is clear we dont have any problems of feelings, but have to face the reality.
if he doesnt want to follow me to england as he said before, we are definitly over then.
During the last three months, i realized slowly that job is more important for woman than a man. especially he is not very mature as I thought before, he changes his mind pretty often, and easily be influenced by his friends around.

Anyway I did my best, and still doing my best. I am going to visit him again in August. He said he would help me move from Denmark to England, hope he wouldnt change his mind. I can do it myself for sure, but i will feel so miserbale to move alone and face all the troubles alone.
valkyrie  
3 Nov 2007 /  #84
ok people. it doesnt matter what nationality we are, the bottom line is...love is the absence of anxiety...is this connection energizing or depleting, and nourishing to both parties? based on mutual power,exceptance and naturalness? a true loving relationship with any one is the absence of fear!!!! if your a mess,dump him. find some one who when your with him, you feel good, about him and most importantly feel good about your self. there are alot of fish out in the sea...place your self in other citys, situations, activities,etc....its a huge world if you just get out there.and as you wait for mr. right, focus on your self and self growth...list 5 things you have always wanted to do, even the ones you are scared to do...do then. my best and smile, valkyrie
Hussar - | 9  
4 Nov 2007 /  #85
I'm a polish man born and raised living now in US. Take this for what it's worth in my humble opinion all this, polish men this western men that etc. in the end don't matter. You seem like a fantastic woman simply looking to be happy. He may very well be a good man and love you. regardless of nationality men generally have communication problems. YOU need questions answered so stop worrying about upsetting him get together with him sit down and have and adult conversation like the two adults that both of you are. tell him what you need, ask him what he wants/needs and see if the two of you can come up with a solution.

be kind, be gentle but be honest with him and your self.
COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION tis the key to understanding and understanding is what u're missing.
and if you talk to him and if things just don't add up ........ become the intelligent woman you are and move on.
we both know there are many other good men out there....... yeah it can be hard to find a partner......... believe me i've been searching for a good woman for some time now but settling just to settle and be unhappy but not alone to me makes no sense.

I'm of the opinion that any man that **TRULY** LOVES a woman he'll do anything in his power to be with her. so his lack of effort smells a bit funny to me.

and
NO his bringing you over to the parents house does not mean he'll propose to you.

be strong, if he looses you, i'm sure it'll hurt you like hell but such is life and love
wonderful and beautiful, cruel and harsh.

Hell if things don't work out ....... find me and i'll tell you i love you every day and will not be threatened by your intelligence or your financial success, be glad for you to be my sugar mama ;)

life is funny, i've been looking for a woman like you for so long and you're in Denmark damn my luck :)
Debianco 19 | 111  
5 Nov 2007 /  #86
communication is the key-but if you cant get together to communicate -what then- just leave it unreosolved, questions unanswered-hard to make decisions when you havent got all thew facts
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
5 Nov 2007 /  #87
Moire hasnt been around here for some months now (since July) so it might not be worth responding to this until we hear if they are still together or not.
valkyrie  
5 Nov 2007 /  #88
You actually have your answer if there is resistance to get together to talk...the facts are blaring right in a persons face...as mush as it hurts...its an easy decision. Husser is right!!! never settle, its a waist of any ones time...theres bound to be some one to love ya out there....so Moire has been gone...hope she read this stuff.

I'm of the opinion that any man that **TRULY** LOVES a woman he'll do anything in his power to be with her.

wow, there are really men who love women( A WOMAN ) that much? what a sight that would be to behold!!!:)
theblueenigma 3 | 188  
28 May 2009 /  #89
Pfft women, I say 'I love you' to my GF all the time, she doesnt even listen to it anymore . . . too much of a good thing maybe :D
BevK 11 | 248  
30 May 2009 /  #90
ok people. it doesnt matter what nationality we are, the bottom line is...love is the absence of anxiety...is this connection energizing or depleting, and nourishing to both parties? based on mutual power,exceptance and naturalness? a true loving relationship with any one is the absence of fear!!!! if your a mess,dump him. find some one who when your with him, you feel good, about him and most importantly feel good about your self. there are alot of fish out in the sea...place your self in other citys, situations, activities,etc....its a huge world if you just get out there.and as you wait for mr. right, focus on your self and self growth...list 5 things you have always wanted to do, even the ones you are scared to do...do then. my best and smile, valkyrie

Valkyrie, you couldn't have said it better.

OP = well there's more than a few people on here with the complex relationships which are going nowhere. It's simple really, if someone loves you and can't show it then do they love YOU or do they need something you willingly give them?

PolskaDoll said it too: if you don't contact him will he contact you? It might hurt finding it out but in the long run it hurts less than dragging things out if they are not good. If you are ANXIOUS all the time then it is not love, it's fear (of what depends on the person of course).

I do feel for you, been there and done that.

Hell if things don't work out ....... find me and i'll tell you i love you every day and will not be threatened by your intelligence or your financial success, be glad for you to be my sugar mama ;)
life is funny, i've been looking for a woman like you for so long and you're in Denmark damn my luck :)

Why is it that all these men looking for a good woman never find us but the arseholes find us so easily? :)

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