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My Polish boyfriend never says 'l love you' to me, what should i do?


miranda  
7 May 2007 /  #31
he is always saying that women should stay in the kitchen

that answers your question
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,163  
7 May 2007 /  #32
I can't help much about the rest...

and i did contact a professor in Lublin for job. but it is not that easy to get a position in polish university as in western european countries.

...but If you have a doctor degree and are fluent in English, It shouldn't be really that difficult to find a job at the university (one or another) and cash is not so bad.
daffy 23 | 1,508  
7 May 2007 /  #33
depends on vacancies also...
ladystardust - | 84  
7 May 2007 /  #34
Quoting: moire
he is always saying that women should stay in the kitchen

that answers your question

Miranda's right, I am afraid. You need to think, if you're ready to become a "desperate housewife" for him?
I see you're very much in love, but, as we say in Poland, "Do tanga trzeba dwojga" ("it takes two to tango"), and you need to look into your heart and answer yourself, whether he will want to dance with you for the rest of your life - and not to his tune only. <wow, got poetic ;)>
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,163  
7 May 2007 /  #35
depends on vacancies also...

Really... ?
southern  
7 May 2007 /  #36
I beginn to like polish men.They are really good.
Nobody knows everything for sure about women,even a tiny part.I just write my impressions.If I enter a club in Poznan and I see 20 couples next to each other kissing deep or girls with legs open(wide open) exactly after entrance,I suppose that this is not uncommon behaviour.In fact it does not bother me and I like polish girls for that.If they were unaccesible wearing tsantors like girls i muslim countries,I guess tourism in Poland would decline to sirrow.

Anyway this is not a topic about me or polish girls.I always have to defend the right to claim sth.Write your opinion and we will see who is true.It is simple.

If the girl here has done more than that,it is to me obvious that her boyfriend is not attracted to her so much as to marry her.In fact he was honest to tell that to her.I do not think there is a case to change his mind.
daffy 23 | 1,508  
7 May 2007 /  #37
Really... ?

stands to reason, you cannot give a job if no vacancy exists. :?

you cannot just go hey, give me a job im qualified when the person is not looking for someone and/or already has someone working in that field
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,163  
7 May 2007 /  #38
stands to reason, you cannot give a job if no vacancy exists. :?

Daf, I just wanted to underline your legandary wisdom.
daffy 23 | 1,508  
7 May 2007 /  #39
...well you asked...I answered.

moire, when will you see him agian?
OP moire 4 | 40  
7 May 2007 /  #40
i put too much affection, effort, time, and almost life ( i had an accident on the highway when i drove back from poland to denmark) to this relationship, really hard to terminate it from my side. it is like you pregenant for 10 months to have a baby, how could you abandon it yourself.

life is a big gamble

moire, when will you see him agian?

in four days. and for ten days.
i didnt plan this visit at first. his friend invited us for the wedding party, so he asked me if i am gonna come. i said yes. i never say no to him.

it is good to work in the university, otherwise i dont have so much time to spend on him.

moire, when will you see him agian?

in four days. and for ten days.
i didnt plan this visit at first. his friend invited us for the wedding party, so he asked me if i am gonna come. i said yes. i never say no to him.

it is good to work in the university, otherwise i dont have so much time to spend on him.

i know many many poles who hate the things in there homeland

i think most poles love their country, althoght they dont mind earn money from richer countries, and use their productions.
my boyfriend loves poland very much, he enjoys his social circles in poland, although mostly they drink vodak and even smoke up. sometimes i think he is a narrow patriotism(maybe i didnt understand his ironical tone). similar to normal chinese attitude towards japan.
engineer  
8 May 2007 /  #41
i think you need more than an advice, i will like you to search your heart and know what you want for your self. where are you based ?

engineer J
cleo14  
8 May 2007 /  #42
Dump the loser!!!! there's more fish in the sea.
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
8 May 2007 /  #43
i asked if he loves me, he said if he loved me he should have married me. he likes me a lot, but not sure it is love or not, and that we can keep the relationship, until i find someone else.

It sounds like he told you long ago that he is not planning a future with you. He wants you to eventually find someone else. Why torture yourself with all the questions? I think you deserve someone who really wants a future with you. It might seem like he's the only one for you but time will make you forget him.
OP moire 4 | 40  
9 May 2007 /  #44
i will have a serious talk with him when i am in poland. in fact it is not a good time to talk about the relationship with him. his career is in a mess, i know he is trying to be strong to get through this, i really dont want to bother him more. i should be supportive.

my ex was a french. he also told me that he had no plan or future with me, but he didnt want to break up at all. so we kept the relationship for almost three years until i felt no love at all with him. when i left him definitely, he begged me back, and offered marriage. how ridiculous.

I feel i am a loser for relationship, i am too nice to my men, and they abuse it.
ladystardust - | 84  
9 May 2007 /  #45
i am too nice to my men, and they abuse it.

It seems that you know where your problems are. Just don't be too nice - I heard that most men actually prefer "*******" ;)
the traveller 4 | 24  
9 May 2007 /  #46
just a small tip. Men (and also women ) prefer balance. Not extreme behaviours

Words are good but better show your intentions with actions, and understand his intentions from his actions :)
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
9 May 2007 /  #47
Moire, you seem to be an attractive, intelligent woman so why are you acting like a dmoormat in order to make him love you. As you rightly said, you cannot force someone to love you. He would respect you more if you thought about what you want out of life (apart from him). I think you need to really listen to what he is telling you and not be selective in your hearing.. I understand that you love him, but in my opinion he may care deeply about you, but he doesnt see himself with you in the longer term, so why waste time. My boyfriend is also Polish and he tells me he loves me several times a day.. of course all men are different and sometimes actions can speak louder than words.. but listen carefully to his words. Only you can make the decision, but in my opinion you deserve someone better who will respect your education and ambition.
OP moire 4 | 40  
21 May 2007 /  #48
hi, I am back from poland. cannt wait to tell you the news. my boyfriend asked for marriage this time. suprise!
But we still have no detailed plan. I have to find a decent job in poland, and he has to develop his company well to afford a family. we will see what is going on in the next few month.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
21 May 2007 /  #50
congrats from me too... hope it all works out for you
ewa  
24 May 2007 /  #51
Polish girl is answering:

1-Is it normal that he takes you to family home? Usually in Poland, it means that he thinks about you serioussly But I know that there are some families (it s rather minority but still is), that the relations are "lighter" and boys can take to family home not serious girls, many girls.. But usually it means he treats you seriously

2-Don't ask him if he loves You. Maybe give him indirect sign that you need this declaration, because You don t know if you are not wasting your time if he doesn t love you. But don t tell it straightforward. I am sure that you can.

My polish boyfriend told me week after ouf 1 th anniversary. He was affrad to tell this, maybe at the beginning he wasn t sure and also he didn t want me to change.

At least it means that he is not a cheater:)

3-I think he should visit you. Get some money (there are many possibilities). HE SHOULD put some effort in your relation. Men are more in love when they are doing this:) If he doesn t want to do it, it means he doesnt care a lot or he is too lazy to love someone and you should run away.

Don 't cover his costs!!!!Polish are very very very proud. Even he loves You, covering his costs may make him frustrated.

4- I don t know why he never calls:(Bad sign

From your arguments is difficult to assess if he loves you or not. You should analyze some things in your head and assess everything.
1- What is he doing for your relation?
2- Does he care about you and is he intrested in what you are doing?
3-Does he help you?
4-Are you sure that if something bad will happen he wil stand by you?

If the answer is YES sooner or later he will tell you

ohhh sorryy I havn't rad last message!CONGRATULATIONS!!!
adilski 2 | 105  
24 May 2007 /  #52
actions speak louder than words
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
25 May 2007 /  #53
You cannot force him

moire,

Im truely thinking this isnt your soul mate.

it appears as though he likes the cake and eat it too situation. it doesnt matter
your career, because he is content with that, but your convienence is just out there
in the open for him to use and he is using it.

my suggestion is call his bluff. he knows your going to be available, so do what he
said to you, tell him, well, its been nice, but, I want a man who is willing to make
me feel like a woman. so I am cutting you loose..

my guess is, hes thinking he has you wrapped around his finger, and this shouldnt
be this way, its equal or nothing!

I dont know about you, but loving a man that doesnt feel that way about me isnt
worth my graceful presence next to him.

you are not a piece of dried up bread, your young and want more. so why waste
time on someone who is a prune? kick his shrively butt to the curb..
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
25 May 2007 /  #54
so why waste
time on someone who is a prune? kick his shrively butt to the curb..

Patrycia I love your way with words. :)
southern 75 | 7,096  
25 May 2007 /  #55
Ewa please send more posts like that.You are super.You give so much information to us poor guys,at least a reliable source.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
25 May 2007 /  #56
but southern you are such an expert on the female sex, why would you need any help?
szarlotka 8 | 2,209  
25 May 2007 /  #57
Absolutely. I repeat my previous suggestion that Southern creates his own advice and guidance thread where all us males can easily know where to find advice on how to improve our sex lives beyond our wildest dreams. The added benefit of this approach is that I could safely navigate the rest of the Forum safe in the knowledge that I can avoid the puerile ramblings.
southern 75 | 7,096  
25 May 2007 /  #58
but southern you are such an expert on the female sex, why would you need any help?

I want to see the other side of the hill.
OP moire 4 | 40  
25 May 2007 /  #59
oh my god, things are changing really faster than what I planed.
In this week I got one job offer from Radom polish national institite for one year's contract and another one from Newcastle university for three years.

I will let my boyfriend to choose one for me. i am not going to anywhere alone anylonger.
question again:
will polish men mind their wives earn more than them?
how to arrange family financial issues? we share all our belongs or keep financially independent?
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
25 May 2007 /  #60
will he go with you to wherever you go.. and why will you let him choose? I am with a Polish man and in my experience he is very proud, but still unsurprisingly willing to accept financial help from me at times :) I think in an ideal world they would like to be the breadwinner though.. but guess it depends on the individual...sometimes it can be a novelty for them to be with a woman who has a decent job and good salary.

Good luck to you both.. I love my partner, but the relationship is fraught with cultural differences at times.. you just need to weigh up the pros and cons and work out whether you will be happy staying together for the long haul.

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